Losing You

You cannot lose someone you never had..Sometimes it's better that way..But what if the one you wanted

You had all along?

Chapter One

Love Unspoken

"Hiei...you are my friend. But I don't like you in that way." The Kitsune forced out a laugh. He had to work to keep The fire apparition from noticing the pain in it's tone.

The little man grew red and defensive "It's not for you, you fool!"

Hiei didn't notice it through his friends facade, but at that moment, he broke inside.

Of course it wasn't for him, he tried to tell himself. He dosn't feel the same as I do. He has more important people in his life.

"Yes, I was just joking, Hiei." He lied "It's for Yukina. Isn't it?" the little man nodded and Kurama smiled.

It was a fake smile, full more of pain and unrealized love than the happiness that would normally make a smile. But he was so well practiced at it, through his existance of lies, that the fire demon didn't notice.

It had been three long years since that day, and Kurama still saw his friend every once in a while when he happened to stop in the Makai. The little demon had never seemed happier than he did in the Makai with Mukuro. His patrol would also end in a few weeks, and Kurama guessed that He would join Mukuro in her home.

He let out a long sigh. He knew his love could never be returned, but, yet he longed for it to be. He longed to be with Hiei, to be more than just the friends that they had been over their many years.

The Kitsune walked into his room, flopping tiredly on the bed. He looked up at the cieling, bland and white except for the plastic glow in the dark stars that he had, had there since his childhood. For the millionth time he thought he should take them down, and then he saw, as he did everytime, the little fireball seeming to fly across the cieling, made into a sky.

It's not only everytime I see you, but everytime I think of you...That it hurts.

He touched the black gem hanging from his neck and a single tear fell to the floor. There it spread and slowly faded into the tatami. Just as his feelings would have to fade within him.

Hiei's form outlined the shadow of the pale moonlight of the Makai, his features laxed as they rarely were against the trunk of a tree. The branch he perched on swayed drunkenly with the wind howling through the forest.

The little fire demon closed his eyes, allowing a fresh blast of icy air to hit him, inviting it to interrupt his turmoil of thoughts. But as it had been all day and for the balance of the evening it was to no avail. Green eyes haunted his mind, flashing through every inch of his being. It seemed as though he could see into the soul of the beholder, but, nomatter how hard he tried, could not breach into his thoughts.

The day he had seen his friend after the tournament had been a sorrowful one for Hiei. That day he had been assured that the Kitsunes feelings did not match his own. That had been confirmed by his words.

"Damn Him." He grumbled to the nothingness, letting the wind carry his words away with it. "How does he do this to me!" He yelled louder into the storm, standing on the branch. "How!"

Then it started to rain, as if responding to his angry howling. Lighning cracked overhead and Thunder roared along with it, drowning out his screaming.

"Why him! It shouldn't be him! He's my friend! He dosn't!..." His voice boomed into the dark, battling the noise of the thunder. "He dosn't!..."

A large blast of thunder shot overhead, shaking him from his turmoil of screaming. "He dosn't..." He muttered quietly into the darkness as he opened his hands, which had become tightly clenched into fists.

Blood spilled from the clenched fist onto his hand from the wounds where his nails had bitten into his palms. It spilled accross the silken, unmarked flesh of his fingers and soaked through the wrapping covering the dragon on his arm.

He layed his hands onto the tree in an effort to stabelize his realling mind, and the crimson ribbons of blood traced thier way down the trunk, painting a picture onto the wood.

His hair...His rose...

He shook his head into the black of the night, shaking droplets of water from his soaked hair. He had become proned to that in the past couple of months. Everything he saw reminded him of Kurama...Everything he heard, he touched, to him it all looked, felt and sounded like the Kitsune. Many times he would imagine that he heard his voice and turn to see no one there.

Am I going mad? What is happening to me?

He rested his head thoughtfully against the bark and it grabbed at his skin, etching it's mark onto his forehead. He didn't understand why he was always thinking about him. This feeling was new to him and the only way he could describe it was as the mortals in Ningen called 'love'

This love was supposed to be the king of all emotions. The sacred emotion that everyone looked for in Ningenkai. He knew that the women when talking amongst themselves had mensioned it as a floating sensation...or...More commanly as feeling as if you were going to explode.

Many of these sensations puzzled Hiei, because, yes, he did experiance all of these mortal sensations...but...There was something more...Someting..Special that he couldn't seem to explain, even to himself. Nothing was easy for him to explain anymore. Nothing exept that he had to see the Kitsune, he had to figure out what this was he was feeling. And he needed to stop it...NOW!

Hey it's DillutionalInu here! Waz up? I updated the whole story because one of my reviewers had some constructive critisizm for me to make use of the line breaks and I took it! Srry about that :P I didn't know how to use the line breaks...Infact aside from typing and a couple basic things I'm almost completely computer illiterate. Well, a friend helped me out so I applied the line breaks...THX and CHOW FOR NOW!