A.N: Hey, Princess here! I was recently inspired by the fic 'Edward Elric's note to the Fangirls,' I remembered in the first chapter how Ed talks about all the crap the fangirls did to Al, and I loved it! So, I thought Al should be heard too! AdventureAddict, I hope you don't mind me using your wonderful idea.

Another thing is, I hope Al isn't to OOC, but if all of these random girls were making you the main object of a hardcore yaoi lemon, you'd have a reason to rant.

Hope you like it!

~Princess

Hi.

As you know, I'm Alphonse Elric. If not, I'm the tin can always following brother.

But, recently I discovered a thingy called Fanfiction .Net.

First of all, please forgive me if I rant-I swear brother's rubbing off on me.

Fanfiction is -scary.

Yes, scary.

Just because I said that doesn't mean you can go write a fanfiction of me being scared, or go off fangirling: "Aw! Cute! Little Awu's scawed!"

Please -don't.

Sometimes you guys can be incredible. Really, you guys can be wonderful writers. Other times...weird things happen.

I have gotten my body back, died, had a disabled kitten named Wobbles, gotten drunk, married Winry, almost drowned, made crab puffs, sang 'can't touch this,' created my brother, killed him (really you guys?), met the Power Puff Girls, said the 'f' words, died again, been a girl, had a crush on Gracia, ate millions of apple pies, and forgot how to use a fork.

And you say you love me?

It's this last thing though that scares me the most- I've gotten my body back, turned into a homunculus, abandoned my brother, came back, lost my body saving Riza, was armor again, got my body back-again, got my hand blown off by Scar, gotten automail, turned into a chimera, saved a small child from a burning building, Ed kicked me in the side and said he hated me, had an angsty flashback, Ed loved me again, I killed Ed because I was still half homunculus, I angsted some more, the military captured me, Ed somehow lived, then I was executed.

That was all in one fanfiction.

ONE!

My life kinda sucks already, and then you go and do that?

I know brother's got it way worse with you girls, but what did I ever do to you?

Another thing is you can't decide what I look like! I've had blue, green, gray, gold, hazel, and brown eyes. Make up your minds! My hair is usually gold, brunette, brown, or blond- I might as well be Envy with my chameleon powers!

That's not the worst of it.

One word.

Yaoi.

I'll be polite, so excuse me while I puke.

Brother and I are on a quest to get back what we've lost, not to hit on Mustang, or Havoc, or Envy, or Hughes, or Armstrong -or each other. That's just wrong.

Have you even paid any attention to the series at all!

Either way, we are not gay!

Why does the thought of that make you happy?

I do not have a crush on my brother! I love him to death and would die for him yes, but not in that way!

The only time I've ever had a crush on anyone was when I was five! And that was Winry!

Oh yeah, Alwin.

This pairing is so overused; I personally think Ed should end up with her. (It would save me brain damage, thank you very much.)

Also, whenever you guys pair me with a girl (thank God), I'm usually OOC. I'm not saying I like yaoi either, that's gross, but I always end up being different.

If you didn't see me hitting on these girls in the anime, why would I instantly want to make out with them now?

Last time I checked, I'm not in love with Riza. Yes, I think she's nice, but no. Sometimes I find myself blushing at Winry, but does that mean I want to pull a lemon?

Heck NO!

Mei Chang, in my opinion, is cute for a girl, but doses me saying that instantly pull up a sex scene for you? Gross.

Another thing is angst fics.

I'm in about a million,

I'm your average teenage boy with a dark past stuck in a dark, hollow suit of armor. Yes, it's sad, but that doesn't mean I cry about it twenty-four seven.

Of course I hate sleeping, flinch if my blood seal is toyed with, pretend to eat, and sometimes just want to scream forever -which is actually possible in my current state. But Fullmetal Alchemist is about moving forward and living your life, not sitting around weeping.

Life can be pretty dark inside an inanimate object, but that doesn't mean I'm not thankful for it at times.

Per say -the Scar incident.

If I weren't a suit of a suit of armor during that time, my guts would have been spilled all over the street.

I've dodged a countless amount of bullets and knives, and have saved Ed's life more times than can be counted. So I ought to be thankful.

My brother sacrificed his friken arm for me, I'm eternally grateful.

But anyway, just because I hate fighting, adore kittens, and love my brother, doesn't mean I can't get pissed off as much as Ed, we're related after all.

Sincerely, Alphonse.