Truths and Confessions
Third in the Confessions Series
An NCIS fanfic
By NancyHFord
Author's Note: AU; Tibbs pre-slashy goodness. Part of the Confessions Series: Drunken Confessions, Sober Truths, Truths and Confessions. Written without the benefit of a beta reader so all mistakes are mine and mine alone. Please forgive. Written in Gibbs POV; I don't ordinarily write in first person so forgive me if it doesn't work. I can always rewrite it.
Post-Judgment Day 1 & 2
Truths
I had been worried about the entire team but the truth is, Tony's behavior was especially worrisome. He's always been a bit wild…okay, more than a bit, but now…he was almost uncontrollable. Yeah, sure, he was a real smartass. And what an attitude! He always thought he was invincible and took a lot of chances with his life. When we lost Jenny…I really didn't blame him or Ziva. I'd known Jenny for years or at least, thought I knew her. She had her own agenda with things and didn't care what anyone else thought.
I'd given the team a few days off. Time to regroup; come to terms with the loss, to heal. I knew that Abby and Tim were together…had known it for some time. They were good together and I was more than okay with them breaking Rule 12. They loved each other unconditionally and that's all that mattered.
I wasn't sure what Ziva was doing but I remembered that Ducky had invited her to the opera. I always smile when I think about those two at the opera; the Scottish rogue and the Israeli assassin.
Tony was the one I worried about. He'd been drinking heavily and while I admit that I did the same thing after Shannon and Kelly were killed, I was truly concerned.
I'd been working on the boat…yes, another boat. I always took refuge in woodworking; whether it be a boat or some other project, it was always important. It seemed to give me peace.
I'd been working on the boat when I heard a thud coming from upstairs. I hoped it was Tony. I needed to see him. It'd only been a few hours but there was something about him that I was drawn to.
The door burst open and there he was, Tony, standing at the top of the stairs wearing those jeans that hugged his tight ass so well. The green shirt brought the green out in his eyes. Oh, those eyes. They were pools I could get lost in. He was holding a bottle of liquor and stumbling around. Yep, he was drunk again. Time to put my boy back together.
"Boss!" he slurred. I secretly loved when he called me boss. Okay so it wasn't such a secret. "How the hell are ya, boss?" he shouted as he started down the stairs.
I started walking toward the stairs praying that Tony didn't break his neck when he fell. And he would fall. It was inevitable. Tony could be a klutz sometimes but he was my klutz.
"Tony?" I asked, seriously worried. "You okay?"
"Nah," he said, I grabbed him before he fell. "They're all gone, boss. They're all gone," Tony was slurring his words now; the alcohol had obviously taken effect.
"Who's gone, Tony?" I ask, getting Tony seated on the bottom step.
"All of 'em, boss. All of 'em," he moaned. "Didn't tell'em how I felt, either," he slurred. "Didn't tell Kate and she," he gasped. "He killed her, boss."
"I know, Tony," I answered.
"Now," he waved the bottled around, "gone." He paused, "and then, Jenny," as the tears were streaming down his face.
I stared hard at my second in command not sure how to help him. I couldn't think of a way to ease his pain.
"I know, Tony," I replied softly. I ran my hand across Tony's back, feeling some of the tension slipping away. That's what he needed. He needed human contact. Just someone to hold him and let him know that it'd all be okay. Tony put his head on my shoulder while his hand went around my waist.
"Boss…" he started.
"Shhh, Tony," I whispered. "Just let me get you upstairs."
"I have to tell you how I feel," he insisted, raising his head. Green eyes met blue.
"Not tonight, Tony," I tell him. "We can talk about this tomorrow, when you're sober."
Tony shook his head, "No, boss. I have to say this," he argued, his hand grazing the slight stubble on my face.
My heart was pounding and I prayed that Tony would remember this in the morning.
He ran a thumb across my lips, "I am so in love with you," he whispered. At first, I wasn't sure I heard him correctly.
I wasn't surprised. Relieved yes but not surprised. I'd felt something more than friendship for years but was sure this young, cocky mirror image of myself could never return those feelings.
"I know, Tony," I say helping him to his feet. "Let's get you up to bed."
*~*~*
Confessions
I must confess, I am in love with Tony DiNozzo. When he said those words…that he was in love with me, my heart almost stopped. I wanted to take him in my arms and never let him go.
I have a hard time sleeping next to Tony. Not that I mind having him in my bed because I don't. But that I'm worried he won't remember saying what he did in the cold light of day. That he didn't mean what he said. Do I tell him? Do I let him remember on his own? I don't want to hurt him. I don't want to rush him into something he's not ready for. I think I'm ready. Or at least I think I'm ready. When I lost Shannon and Kelly, I was lost. The only thing I could think of was to go after the bad guys; all the bad guys; any bad guys.
Tony's been sleeping for several hours and I can see slivers of pink on the horizon. I ought to make another pot of coffee to get me through the next hour or so.
I've decided not to say anything and to just let him realize how he feels on his own. I don't care if it takes a month. To be honest, I'd wait the rest of my life for him.
I'm still in my pajama bottoms and a pair of thick socks when I go downstairs to make another pot of coffee. I've decided on a Columbian brew, something Tony enjoyed when he was down there on a case. I tend to buy things I know Tony will like in hopes that he'll think of my home as his. Well, I guess he does already.
I hear Tony stumbling down the stairs, "'Mornin', Tony," I say, putting the pancakes on the individual plates.
"Boss," he said starting down the stairs, "Good morning."
"Coffee's ready if you want some," I offer.
"Thanks boss," Tony said sheepishly.
"Pancakes'll be ready in a minute."
"Sounds good, boss. Thanks," he says pouring a cup. "Hangover, boss. Got anything?"
I point to the drink I had in the blender. "Give it a minute."
Tony nodded.
"Sleep okay?" I continue, pressing the 'blend' button on the blender.
"Yeah, boss. You?"
"Yeah, DiNozzo. Slept okay," he said softly.
"I had way too much to drink," he started, expecting a lecture.
"It happens," I answer, pouring the drink into a glass for Tony. "Drink," I tell him, handing the glass to Tony.
"Thanks, boss."
"Tony, what'd I say about calling me 'boss' when you're not on duty?" I ask.
"To not call you 'boss", boss?"
I nodded.
"Sorry boss. Old habits die hard."
"Yeah," I answer, motioning for Tony to drink the concoction I made for him. "Down the hatch, Tony."
Tony downed the green stuff, made the obligatory funny face and handed the glass back to me.
"Good boy," I smiled, pointing at the plate of pancakes I'd made, "breakfast."
"Yes, boss," he said, smirking back.
We sat in relative silence while we ate our breakfast. Neither saying what the other was thinking.
I spoke first, "So, Tony. Where did you go last night?"
"Sat in a bar for hours," he said. "Ought not to do that, boss. Not a good idea to drink alone."
"What were you doing?"
"Drinking. Thinking."
"Figure anything out?"
He nodded, "yeah, a couple of things."
"Anything you wanna share?"
Tony hesitated but then started, "That when I finally have someone in my life that I care about, I should tell them."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
"So you find anybody like that?" I asked pushing the plate away.
"Yeah," he said coming around the counter. "I have," he admitted.
"You tell 'em how you feel?" I ask, praying he's remembered.
"I have," he says.
"What'd they say?"
"That we'd talk about it when I was sober," he admitted.
"And you're sober now?"
"Yeah, I am," he said, placing his hand lightly on my face. "And boss, the sober truth," he said in a whisper. "I am so in love with you."
I nod, "I know, Tony," I say, smiling. "I know." I wrap my arms around his waist, "I'm in love with you, too."
*~*~*