As usual, all crap (C) Gainax. 'cept for Akiko, who happens to be a pen-pal of mine and is probably (C) Her parents. So, without further ado, here's…
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I DARE YOU!
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"Hey, Horaki?"
"Yes?"
"You know Souryu, right?"
"Well, yes…why do you ask?"
"How come there's never been anything between her and Ikari?"
Hikari put down her bento, a thoughtful look on her face. The Eva-pilots weren't present today, so she was eating lunch with another girl, Nakado Akiko.
"I mean," Nakado went on, "they live together, they go to school together, and for crying out loud, they go to war together. Either they must really hate each other, or they're both gay."
Hikari had to admit that it was strange. You didn't spend that much time with a person without getting a lot closer than the two pilots seemed.
"I don't know," she said, "I think maybe they're both waiting for the other one to make a move. But Asuka's too proud to show any interest in 'a little boy', you know how she goes on about that, and Shinji…" The class rep shook her head. "He's more likely to hug his father than make a move on a girl."
"What?"
"I meant it won't happen."
"Oh. That's sad, really."
The two girls continued eating their lunch in silence, each left to her own thoughts.
"How did the date go, by the way?"
Hikari blushed a little, looking down into her lunch, but smiled as she did so.
"It went…great. Thanks for lending me that book. It really gave me some great tips."
"Hey, glad it could be of some use to someone, at least. You got it with you?"
"Yes, I've got it in my bag." Hikari started digging through her school bag, finally coming up with a large magazine which she handed to Nakado. It was labelled 'The Cosmopolitan 2015 Guide to Romance' and had a picture of a very romantic-looking couple on the cover. "Here."
"Thanks." Nakado flicked through the magazine with a quick glance. "Did you do that dessert with the strawberries on page 15?"
"Yeah."
"And you ate from each other's spoons?"
Now Hikari was really blushing.
"We didn't have any spoons…"
"That wasn't an answer, was it?" Nakado asked with a mischievous grin.
"…"
Nakado smiled wider, and let Hikari's expression speak for itself.
Then the lunch was over, and for a few days, the two girls thought no more of their brief conversation.
***
"Katsumi?"
"Yeah?"
"Just how proud do you think Souryu is?"
Katsumi turned to watch the red-head, currently standing on her chair and shouting at Aida who cowered behind a bench in the other end of the classroom. Katsumi turned back and shot Nakado a sceptic glance.
"Do you have to ask?"
"Just checking."
***
"I've got it!"
"Oh, Nakado, hi. Got what?"
"Remember how we talked about how weird it was that Ikari and Souryu wasn't seeing each other? Well, I've figured out how to solve that."
"Really?" Hikari watched the other girl. She was grinning way to much.
"Yeah, but I need your help."
"With what?"
"I need you to tell Souryu that me and my friends have been calling her a coward behind her back."
There was a slight pause. Then:
"What?"
"Just do it, okay?"
***
It was lunch break. Nakado stood chatting with Katsumi and two other girls, every now and then glancing over at Souryu who sat watching them with grim determination.
The entire day the four of them had made sure that the pilot had caught little phrases like 'she'd never dare', 'there's no way she's got the guts to do it' and other, less flattering words stating simply that in their opinion, the Great Souryu Asuka Langley was a coward.
Now she was steaming. Nakado smiled a less-than-kind smile at her.
Finally, the German girl had used up what little patience she had, and she stormed up to Nakado's group, looking very angry.
"You've gone around all day looking smug," she hissed, "so just what the hell is it you think you're up to?"
Nakado smiled that smile again.
"Something for real women. So don't bother yourself, Souryu, we don't want to make you look like a chicken in front of the class."
Souryu's eyes narrowed, and her mouth turned into a snarl.
"Are you calling me a coward?"
"Yes."
A hushed silence fell over the room. All eyes were fixed on the group of girls, everyone waiting for the coming onslaught.
"I am Souryu Asuka Langley!" she said, through clenched teeth. "While you cower in shelters I kill Angels with my bare hands! I dare you…I dare you to call me a coward!"
Nakado's smile widened. This was going to be perfect.
"No, Souryu Asuka Langley, I dare you!" She pulled out a large, brown envelope, holding it up for Souryu and leaning closer. "I bet you will never have the guts to use this on Ikari." she whispered mockingly. When Souryu tore the envelope from her hands, she added: "Don't open it until you get home." She then stepped back and raised her voice. "Listen, everyone! I just made a bet with Souryu! If she fails to go through with it, she will admit in front of the entire class what a coward she is!"
The class broke out in a cacophony of discussions. Through the noise, a voice called out
"A bet? About what?"
"That's between me and Souryu."
And that was that.
***
After the class ended, Hikari approached Nakado.
"What was all that about?"
"That envelope…"
"Yeah?"
"It contains the '2015 Guide to Romance'. I told her to use it on Ikari."
"But Nakado, that's awful! She'll probably just end up taking all her anger out on poor Shinji!"
"No, she won't. If she did, she'd loose the bet."
Hikari just shook her head.
***
Nakado picked up the ringing phone.
"Nakado residence."
"Is this Akiko?"
"Yes."
"You bitch! Just who the hell do you think you are?!"
"A little upset, Souryu?"
"A little? A little? I'll tell you what you can do with this Guide of yours..!"
"You know, if you don't have the guts, I'm sure Ayanami would be grateful for a shot at Ikari."
That hit home. The entire class knew about the bitter rivalry between the two female Eva-pilots, possibly with the exception of Ayanami herself. There was a long silence in the other end of the line. Finally, there was a response.
"When all this is done, I'll personally kill you."
"I know. I know. Oh, and by the way, I'll need some kind of evidence that you've actually gone through with this."
***
The weeks dragged by. And then, one day, Souryu walked up to Nakado's desk, slamming a small box onto it.
"Photographic evidence. I expect you to admit defeat in front of the entire class by tomorrow."
Nakado nodded slowly.
"I will, if I find the evidence convincing enough."
"I think you will. Oh, and one more thing…" the red-head leaned closer, and whispered. "If I ever find out you even thought about showing these to anyone else, there will be an accident involving my Eva and your house. Understood?"
"Completely." Such things had been known to happen.
***
When Nakado came home, she tossed the small box containing the photos on the bed. She hadn't looked at them yet, because she hadn't really wanted any evidence in the first place, just for Souryu to not try to trick her way out of it.
Sadly, though, the girl seemed to have considered the entire thing as a one-time mission. Maybe Horaki had been right, maybe it hadn't been a good idea. Maybe you couldn't force relationships on people.
Sighing, Nakado went to seek enlightenment in her vast library of Cosmopolitan. The first one she picked up was the '2015 Guide to Romance"…
…but didn't Souryu have that one?
***
Hikari and Asuka were sitting outside the school, watching the boys play basketball.
"Hikari?"
"Hm?"
"Is it true you've borrowed that Guide of Nakado?"
Hikari tried to hide her blush, to no avail.
"Yes…three weeks ago. I invited Toji over for dinner…"
"Toji…" Asuka rolled her eyes. "You have no taste when it comes to men. Anyway, I, er, used it too, together with Shinji. This weekend."
"Really?" Hikari said, trying to sound surprised. "How did it go?"
"Well, I think I might finally have found something he's good at." Asuka smiled a crooked smile. "Did you do the thing with strawberries on page 15?"
Hikari's face turned quite like a strawberry itself.
"…yeah."
"Tell me, how did you get the stains of the sheets afterwards?"
Hikari blinked.
"Sheets?"
***
Nakado looked at the photographs.
Oh, my.
She must have grabbed the wrong issue that morning.
Well, that explained where her '2015 Guide to Great Sex' had gone.
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Ha, didn't see that coming, did you!? Er…probably did, it's two in the morning and I can't currently tell how far up the cliché-scale I am.
-F