This was the product of a sleepless night :P and i have to say im quite proud of it :) but let me know what you think enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight no matter how much i wish i did. I am only playin in Stephanie Meyer's world :)
Confession
Edward, Renesmee and I were out hunting.
Jacob had gone back to La Push for the day to re-enrol in high school.
I had to admit I was glad. Though I was grateful that the connection Jacob had with Nessie had saved us all, I still couldn't help but feel slightly bitter when he constantly needed to be around her.
"Bella?" Edward's musical voice woke me from my brooding. "Are you OK?"
There was worry showing on his face, though it was only slightly visible.
"I'm fine Edward, just thinking." He smiled my favourite crooked smile and I knew exactly what he wanted.
Stretching up, I placed both my hands on his face and removed my shield from my mind, showing him what I had been thinking.
It had been on the first night I had shown Edward my thoughts that I had gained a new awareness of my shield.
It wasn't only bloodlust that enabled me to use my shield freely. It was also joy; deep joy that only my seventeen year old husband could ignite within me.
Laying together in our bed that night, revelling in our victory over the Volturi, Edward had suggested I try to remove my shield for the night. I had tried, and at first there was no progression But then, Edward had begun to touch me, he ran his hands through my hair and down my neck. [I could feel my shield trying to break free, but it had the same effect as previously. It was only when his soft hands had found my hip that I found my shield busting forward.
[If I had needed to breathe I knew I would have felt winded. Edward noticed when I froze and he looked down, concerned. I could feel the shield again, the elastic film covering my body. I had focused, and easily been able to remove my shield from my mind completely. And there it had stayed for the entire night.
Edward stood in front of me now, his dark eyes amused as he chuckled at my thoughts.
"I couldn't agree more, Bella. It's nice to have her to ourselves for a few hours."
He kissed my forehead and cocked his ear to the west, listening to Nessie in the meadow just through the trees.
"Shall we hunt, love?" I smiled at him lovingly before it changed into a competitive grin, and lion and lioness streaked through the trees towards their cub.
A few hours later, once each of us had had our fill, we were walking back through the forest at human pace, towards the cottage to put Renesmee to bed.
She was currently cradled in my arms, pressing her palm to my cheek, and showing me her hunt again. I felt her joy at catching the largest out of a herd of elk, and chuckled along with her.
We were nearing the cottage now, and I knew the conversation I had been putting off all day was near approaching.
"Edward would you put Nessie down while I go to see Carlisle?" I didn't meet his eyes when I said this, knowing he would be confused and curious. I hadn't expressed any need to see Carlisle, until now.
"Bells? Why what's the matter?" Worry was the last thing I expected from Edward, and it made me look into his eyes.
"Nothing, I swear. I just need to talk to him." The sincerity in my face must have convinced him, and he smiled.
"OK love. Hurry back to us," he whispered, and kissed my forehead.
"Always," I replied before handing Renesmee to him, kissing her nose and wishing her goodnight. Then, I reached up to kiss him.
I watched as the two of them went into the house, and then turned and ran straight to the big, white house by the river.
It wasn't often that Carlisle was alone in the house, in fact this was the first time that I remembered. The rest of the family had gone hunting, but an emergency at the hospital had prevented Carlisle from joining them.
As I walked up to the beautiful house, I heard Carlisle moving around in his study, and so went straight up the stairs as I walked in.
Before I could even knock, Carlisle's clear voice called out, "Come in Bella."
"Hey, Carlisle," I said as I entered. "Sorry to interrupt. I just need to talk to you, if that's OK."
Carlisle's face showed the worry he was feeling.
"Don't worry; it's nothing too bad, just something I think you need to know."
Carlisle's features relaxed again and he motioned towards the chair near his desk.
But before I could sit down, we both heard the door downstairs open and the sound of someone running up the stairs at supernatural speeds.
The door to Carlisle's study flew open and banged into the wall behind it. The small vampire outlined in the doorway had a face so full of fury that my own vampire senses detected danger, and tried to force my body to sink into a crouch. I forced it back though; Alice would never attack me.
What happened next shook me to my very bones. Alice flew across the room and grabbed my shoulders in her small hands and shook me sharply. "Why the hell have you not told us sooner?" she spat, fury saturating every syllable as her black eyes made her anger even more visible.
I had froze while Carlisle looked on bewildered. It wasn't often that I overlooked Alice's talent or forgot to factor it into my calculations, but today I had.
"Alice, calm down. You probably already know why," I said in a voice that was supposed to be soothing but came out slightly shaky. Before either of them could begin talking again I quickly asked Alice if the others had come back with her.
"No I was alone with Jasper but I told him to stay. So are you going to explain then?" she asked me, anger still clearly evident in her small black eyes.
"Yes," I managed to whisper out. "Wait though," I added, louder this time. "Can Edward hear you from here?" They knew I wasn't talking about his supernatural hearing.
Carlisle answered first. "He can't hear me, but he can hear Alice." I looked at Alice with a pleading look on my face.
"Oh fine! I'll recite Shakespeare in Latin or something," she said with chagrin.
"Thank you, I'm not ready for him to know yet, but then again I never planned for you to find out" I said disgruntled knowing this was going to be all that much harder to keep from Edward now.
"Bella, sit down and explain please"
I sat in the small wooden chair and faced Carlisle. "Well, basically, I've been keeping something from you all, Carlisle." He looked at me in confusion while Alice scowled, but neither of them interrupted me, for which I was thankful.
"Carlisle, you need to know that if you ever need to change someone again, that the morphine, it doesn't work."
Carlisle gasped as he realised what I was saying. "Y-You were burning?" he asked in a voice constricted with pain. I simply nodded, not trusting myself to speak just yet. "B-but you didn't move, you didn't scream!"
"Neither did you," I added quietly
"Yes, but I was writhing around constantly you never moved so much as a millimetre."
"Ahh, well, yeah, you see the morphine doesn't stop the pain but it does have some effect. I physically couldn't move. It locked my muscles and pinned me down, at least for the most part."
Understanding flashed across Carlisle's face, along with pain for my suffering. But once again, confusion took its place, and Alice's scowling face never changed, she had already heard this.
"The most part?" Carlisle questioned.
"Yes, you see when I realised the morphine had been burnt away by the venom, I also realised I would be able to move if I had tried, but if I so much as twitched a finger, I would have screamed and thrashed and begged for death. And that was something that I refused to put Edward through."
Carlisle stared at me in shock, and even Alice's face softened a little. "B-Bella, that's incredible that you could just lie there and not do anything! You truly are the strangest vampire I have ever known." He chuckled slightly, but then looked at me again. "I am sorry you had to suffer though, and Bella, you realise you're going to have to tell him, don't you?"
I looked at the floor; I hated that I was going to have to cause Edward pain.
"Yes, I'll tell him tonight." I barley whispered my answer, though I knew they could hear me perfectly well.
"Erm, Bella?" I looked at Alice and saw her face, a display of guilt. "I'm sorry, I slipped up. Jacob must have gone back to the cottage. Edward's future went blank, and I panicked. He's just heard our conversation, and he's on his way here"
As I began to panic myself, Alice hugged me and kissed my cheek, whispering another sorry before disappearing.
"We're going to let you talk to him. Bella, we're going back to Esme and the others to hunt, just to explain it will be fine." And then he kissed my forehead, and was gone.
I didn't have more than a few seconds before Edward arrived at the rate he ran, so I rushed to our room to wait for him.
I was standing near his CD player, listening to `Claire De Lune` when he arrived. I couldn't look at him as the door flew open, but in a matter of milliseconds, he was there…on his knees.
I looked down at him in shock to see him clutching at my leg, his forehead resting against my thigh and his shoulders shaking with unmistakable dry sobs.
I stared at him, astonished, until I collected my thoughts enough to kneel down in front of him and gather his hands in mine.
I forced him to meet my gaze, and was taken aback by the deep anguish that filled his golden orbs.
"B-B-Be –Bella, w-why didn't y-you tell m-me?"
I didn't answer at first; I just looked at him, wishing more than anything that I could take away his pain. "E-Edward, I couldn't let you suffer. I couldn't let you see me in pain. It would only have made you hate yourself more and you should never hate yourself, especially for wanting to keep me! Never!"
"B-but how could you just lie there, when the morphine had gone, how?"
"I told you, it was you, you and Renesmee. How many times will I have to tell you that you are my everything, my reason for existing, the reason I'm still here, and the reason Nessie even exists. I love you, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, and I refuse to let you suffer."
He stared at me, eyes wide with disbelief, keeping my own golden eyes locked in his gaze, easily. And then, his lips crashed to mine, his love and mine, his pain and mine poured into the kiss to make it the most passionate. We both broke away, gasping for unnecessary air.
Edward stared once more into my eyes, deciding something. "Show me," he whispered fervently.
"E-Edward…" I began to protest, but he placed one finger over my lips.
"Please?" he asked with such feeling there was nothing I could do to deny him.
I pulled him up by the hand and led him over to bed. We lay down and faced each other. I stared at him, making sure this was the right thing to do.
"Please!" He breathed across my face one more time before I sighed gently and placed both my hands against his face.
I removed my shield and thought back to my change, sharing the painful, but also hopeful memories with Edward.
I went over every detail, how at first, it felt like I was tied to a burning stake, but then, as I remembered that Renesmee and Edward waited for me, it turned into feeling as though I was clutching at the stake with every effort.
I didn't stop until the moment that I had first saw Edward's face, the deep euphoria at knowing that I was his forever.
With my shield back in place, I focused on Edward's expression; he was in awe. That was the only way I could explain it. This time Edward took my face into his hands.
"There are simply no words to describe how breathtakingly incredible you are. Do you have any idea, any concept of how much I love you? Forever is not long enough. Eternity is too short a time to be with you, my love. There is no one on this earth, human or otherwise that has ever been as proud of someone as I am of you right now."
He kissed me lightly dozens of times, only breaking away to look into my eyes.
If I could have cried, I would have been in floods. How did I deserve him? I pulled myself closer to him. The feeling of completeness, of home that only Edward could fully provide was stronger than ever. I knew if we could have slept, we would have fallen asleep right there.
As it was, we lay in each others' arms for more than an hour or was it a day, a week? I couldn't be sure, but eventually I broke the silence. "So, Jacob's back then?"
Edward's eyebrows furrowed. "Yes, I was hoping he could have stayed away a little longer."
I sighed deeply. "Me too."
Edward's crooked grin graced his face. "Shall we go kick the dog out?" he asked.
I grinned, showing all my teeth and Edward returned it. "Let's," I replied, before we jumped out of the bedroom window together, never breaking our hold of each others' hands.