Return of Primrose

Its been months. Yet... I still can't forgive myself. A part of me- no, all of me- wishes Prims horrible fate had been mine instead of hers. She had so many goals and dreams... so much care and love. But, here I find myself, a cold heartless person- alive. Yes, cold and heartless.

I had used Peeta, used his undying love, used his care. Now, I would do anything to get the old Peeta back. He is here physically... but, I find myself wondering if he'll ever be the same Peeta inside. Is the soft orange of a sunset still his favorite color? Does he still keep his window open while he sleeps? Does he still refuse to take sugar in his tea? Does he still double-knot his shoelaces? I wish I knew... I could have found out, with him occasionally dropping by with some bread or other supplies I haven't been bold enough to go get. I feel like a fragile leaf no one wants to push- or else it may crumble. Peeta... is much stronger than I have ever been. I now many times in the Games, I had been the one to save him many times- I seemed to be the stronger one. But now... it was in reverse. I scold myself for acting like this. Peeta had lost his whole family, he had been tortured, he lost... everything. Yet, he came back to District 12.

I know why he returned... but I just couldn't bear the thought. After everything, he's trying to right himself. Not only for him... but for me. And I have no idea why. I haven't seen him in about a week or so- but when I do see him, its only in the day for a brief moment or two. My nights are still spent alone in my giant house. Every corner filling me with shame of how I achieved to even live here. My dreams even more haunted by the memories. I often wake up in a cold sweat- crying, sobbing, panting, even screaming. My nightmares haven't gotten any better. And... no ones came to comfort me. That one person, whose comfort was all I needed at one point... hasn't shown up. I know its selfish... but I can't help thinking about how his arms used to wrap around me, protecting me. How his beautiful words soothed me.

I look out my window to see the dark skies of night light up with lighting- thunder sounding soon afterwards.

'Odd, usually Buttercup would be... oh no...' I thought. I got up from my chair and went to my window. To see it cracked open, as I thought- Buttercup must have gone out and got caught in the storm.

I would have let him stay out- he shouldn't have gone out. But then I remember him and Prim. He was near the last thing left of her I could hold onto. I rushed to get my boots with the weird rubber soles from the Capitol and my fathers hunting jacket. I already had some exceptionally warm day cloths on, so as I made my way to the back door, there came a knocking at my front door. Curious, I went back and opened it. Only to see a very drenched Peeta. My eyes widened as I pulled him out from the pouring rain and inside.

"Peeta, what do you think your doing? Its freezing and theres a storm!" I exclaimed. I looked up to see Peeta smiling a little, and shivering. I shook my head and brought him to the fire I had already started a few hours ago. I sat him in front ofit and began to poke the fire with the rod and added another log.

"T-thanks" Peeta said from his spot. I turned and put my hands on my hips involentarilly.

"You never answered my question. What were you thinking?" I asked, hoping he didn't hear my voice crack at the end.

"I... I thought maybe we could hang out...? Maybe we could have some hot chocholate or something..." he replied.

"Peeta, if you haven't notcied... theres a storm! Also, I need to go out and do something..." I said.

"But Katniss! Theres a storm!" Peeta mocked. For the first time in months, I laughed. My hand flew to my lips, my eyes widened in shock.

'I just laughed... I haven't laughed since I got back...' I thought. Or at least thought I had thought it...

"Really? Well, I feel very proud then" Peeta joked somewhat seriously.

"Don't get cocky," I warned pointing my finger at him, a smile still on both of our faces. He stood and embraced me- somehow still warm...

"I've missed you..." he sighs into my hair.

"Me too," I replied in a whisper. He lets go of me and backs up, still holding my shoulders.

"So... what did you need to go do in such weather?" he smiled.

"Get a very annoying cat back here before he dies..." I look down. "He's all I have left of her..." Peeta pulls me back to him.

"What are we waiting on then?" he asks. I look up.

"But you just got warm..." I say, even though theres a part of me hoping he'd come.

"I can get warmed up later. Lets go" he slips his hand into mine and squeezes it. I return the gesture is if saying: "I missed doing this too."

We walk out into the rain, towards the woods, me knowing Buttercup would be there. We walked like this, hand in hand, no sounds but the beating of rain. The further we went, the worse the weather got. Finally, I heard an all too familiar, loud, and annoying kitten mew. My head whipped in the direction and walked towards it with Peeta. What we saw was definitely not what we expected.

There on the ground lay a little girl, in cloths so worn and ripped, they were considered rags. She was curled up in the mud, her dark brown hair scattered, and her lanky limbs pale and shaking. Buttercup, curled up beside her. I dropped Peetas hand and rushed over to the girl. She looked around five or six. I flipped her over so she was lying on her back and she looked over to me. Her eyes looked as blue as Peetas, but she looked so much as I did when I was her age, I almost choked. She blinked a few times.

"Help..." she whispered.

"Your okay. You'll be fine. Just hold on" I immediately took off my jacket, wrapped it around her frail little body, and stood with her craddled in my arms. I turned to see Peeta with care in his eyes, and Buttercup in his arms. I nodded and we walked as fast as we could back to my house.

I opened my back door and brought her to the fire. It was dying down, so Peeta quickly added logs and got it warm and large. I handed her to Peeta momentarily and he carried her with ease. I got the thickest blankets I could and put them as close as I dared to the fire.

Then I made my way to my room to get her something warm to change into. I stopped at Prims old door. What would Prim want me to do? I inhaled deeply and opened her door, rushed to get cloths, and went back out. Peeta was sitting in a chair, the girl craddled to his chest, talking with him. He always had a way with kids. He looked up to me and saw Prims cloths, and smiled sadly, but I could see he was proud as well. I nodded to him. The girl looked towards me and smiled. It was surprisingly near perfect for her age. She looked back at Peeta.

"She's very pretty" she whispered loudly.

"I know. And you know what?" he asked.

"What?" she asked.

"You look just like her" he said in a silly voice and began to tickle her. She laughed and screamed playfully. I laughed and joined in with the girl, tickling Peeta.

"Surrender!" I joked.

"Okay, okay. I surrender" he laughed and went limp. Just as the girl was about to poke him... "Boo!" he picked her up and started spinning her in a circle. "Now, I'll leave you here with Kat and your gonna get dressed in something dry so you don't get sick" she nodded and Peeta left the room.

"Are you okay?" I asked. She nodded.

"Thank you for finding me and bringing me here. Its very nice. I've never seen anything like this before..." she said with a shy smile. I knelt with a small smile on as well.

"Neither did I when I was your age. How have you survived so long? Where are you from?" I asked.

"My daddy taught me how to hunt and gather when I was little. I'm really good with a bow and arrow," she smiled. My chest tightened. "I've never really had a home. Our family lived in the woods. But, they all got taken away by those airplanes"

"The hovercrafts?" I asked surprised. How did she escape those?

"Yeah. My daddy told me to get to the nearest district. He taught me how to navigate by the stars" she frowned for a moment, but a smile came back as she dressed in warm cloths.

Peeta walked in. "She's just like you, Katniss. A fighter, a survivor." he smiled and sat down. I sat down next to him, the girl following me suit. As soon as I sat down, she crawled into my lap. I smiled up at Peeta by the sound of a yawn.

"What else did they teach you?" Peeta asked.

"My mommy taught me medicine and herbs" she yawned. I looked up at Peeta, eyes wide.

"Sweetie, whats your name?" I asked, still looking at Peeta.

She yawned. "Rose..." and with that, she was sound asleep.

"Prim... Rose..." I said slowly. I got up slowly and laid her on the couch. Her features lit up beautifully from the flicker of the warm fire. I smile and cover her with a blanket.

"It is a bit weird... do you think its a trick?" he asked.

'I've never been one for kids... but I can't just leave her. Shes...' I thought. But, was once again wrong.

"Shes too much like Prim." Peeta confirmed.

"Shes so strong as a survivor-"

"Like you," Peeta smiled. I smile back with a small shake of my head and continue.

"Serious, but loving" I look down. "Like Prim" I sigh. "Or mom... And smart and so... caring. Like you. Shes so much like everyone I love... I can't just leave her"

"I'm included in those people?" Peeta asked. I think back on what I said- mostly because I wasn't when I said it. "Like you... everyone I love" Oh...

I look down at my feet. "Well... yes. How could I say no?" I ask. "We've been through so much together, and you've helped me so much. I don't know how you do it."

"Do what?" he asked.

"Everything. Be so kind. Stay sane. How you loved me..." I shake my head. "How you kept my nightmares away. How you make me smile. How you see so much beauty. How you can make such beautiful things" I stopped by feeling familiar arms wrap around me. I smile and wrap mine around him.

A crack of thunder brought us apart. It was late... but I don't think either of us wanted to leave the other. I can tell Peeta is trying to figure out a way to stay. I tell him to hold on and quickly go to my room, change, and come back. Peeta smiles as I come from the hall, a pair of his sleep pants and shirt in hand.

"You kept these?" he asked. I had found them in my room- I figure they had sent them, thinking they were to stay with me.

"Yes... how could I not...?" I ask quietly. I turn as I hear Buttercups mew again.

He's curled up by Rose again. I see something glisten in the light and walk over. Tears escape from Rose's closed eyes as she sleeps. Soon, shes shaking. I picked her up and held her tight against my chest. Her shakes subsided and I wipped her tears away.

"Nightmare?" Peeta askes. I nod and push her dark hair from her face, behind her ear.

"I have to help her. I remember how it was- not having anyone to look up to. Sure, I could look up to my father, but... he couldn't be there. My mother, she was gone. I had to care for Prim and be strong. But, it hurt so much at times. I can't let this happen. Its like... a second chance." I feel Peetas hand on my shoulder. "She needs two, to look up to. Not just one of us at a time... she needs parents. For her to love, and to be loved by" I look him in the eyes.

"I'll help" he nods with a caring look in his eyes. He looks down at Rose and smiles. I reposition myself and lean against Peeta. His smile grows and he leans down, kisses Rose on the forehead, then the same for me.

"I'll always be here, Katniss. Always"

With that, I feel sleep beginning to wash over me.

'I think I love you, Peeta' I thought. But, once again, I was wrong.