DON'T READ THIS IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN INFINITY WAR! MAJOR FUCKING SPOILER AHEAD THAT MAY OR MAY NOT RUIN YOUR LIFE IF YOU READ ON. PLUS, IT WON'T MAKE SENSE SO WATCH THE MOVIE, KAY THANKS!
Expect angst—or at least, my attempt at angst
Enjoy
(Cause I think you're so good,
And I'm nothing like you)
Panic
"We're in the endgame now" Dr strange says solemnly leaving all the fucking weight of the universe on their shoulders and Peter has no idea on just what to do or say as he watches him literally turn into ash
He was a solid literally seconds ago—THEY WERE ALL BREATHING SECONDS AGO
It was a funny thing, panic. It didn't set in until it was too late with some people.
Peter Parker was one of those people
Whywhywhy
He had been on a field trip—a fucking field trip on a school bus because holy shit wasn't that what people his age did?
"Mr Stark" he starts off, swaying and suddenly holding onto his stomach. He can't remember the last time he had felt so nauseous and Tony freezes, meeting his gaze, alarmed—so much more alarmed than he had ever seen him
But it's Tony Stark.
His breathes are shaky and his head is suddenly ringing—why is everything spinning? "I don't feel too good"
He's never done drugs—is this what being on drugs feel like? Fuck that
Peter almost voices his thoughts out loud, because he can't, he fucking can't
Meeting Tony's eyes, he's expecting reassurance. He's expecting something along the lines of 'kid, I told you to lay off the junk food, now look. Your body's literally starving because you're not giving it the sufficient amount of nutrients it needs' or some utter crap when in reality Tony Stark is a complete hypocrite who lives off of pot noodles whenever he's too into his work
He doesn't see exasperation in his mentor's eyes
Why
Where's the irritation?! Where's the fucking 'I told you so' speech?!
The look in Tony Stark's eyes leaves him terrified
He can't be dying
His balance is awful and he's tumbling into his mentor's arms
Mr Stark's safe. He's a hero
I want to be like you
Mr Stark's calm. He's calm, collected and a total fucking badass
He's made his suit able to lift over one hundred tons.
He did that—so why was it that he (The freaking kid who was being mentored by such a idol) couldn't do anything right?
Tony Stark graduated with a masters at seventeen, he's saved countless of lives, is a part of the Avengers
Spiderman saves people from his neighbourhood and all but Iron man saves the entire world
It doesn't take long for Peter to realise that Tony is panicking
"You're alright" Tony lies through his teeth, almost as if he's trying to force himself to believe the words himself and Peter almost wants to smile but everything's shifted—it's all wrong
Mr Stark sounds desperate
It's like his organs are shutting down and it's a horrible realisation that it's his senses. His heightened senses are what's tipped him off
He wonders if Mr Stark's realised it himself
….No he definitely has, he was a fucking genius
Peter's own lack of sense of balance leaves Tony almost swaying, but his grip is strong and secure around him
He doesn't doubt that Tony Stark won't drop him
He's a badass motherfucker, even in the middle of being stranded on a different planet and having witnessed everyone around him turn to dust—literally
He was the best of the best
Peter's head is suddenly pounding, the ringing louder and he feels like he's going to throw up
"I don't—"where's this ridiculous amount of effort to not be spilling his guts coming from? Is this a joke?
It's a pretty terrible joke
He's terrified "—I don't know what's- I-I...I don't want to go" he panics, heartbeat suddenly increasing. He doesn't know how long he's going to have this heart
It's going to turn into fucking stone before ash
But there's no fucking way—Mr Stark isn't going to let me die
It absolutely crushes him when he sees the look in Tony's eyes. All arrogance gone—his arrogance can't be gone he's Ironman for fucks sake!
He hasn't even proved himself yet—there was so much good he wanted to do
He breaks down "Please, Mr Stark!" his voice desperate, unravelling, and clutching onto Tony like he's his lifeline
"I don't want to go, Mr Stark, please I don't want to do die,"
He can feel it
He can fucking feel how the ashes of his allies around him and it's almost enough to make him spill the contents of his stomach out
Peter doesn't even realise how he's long since crumbled onto the ground in a pathetic mess in the arms of his mentor—
Even now he couldn't live up to his expectations
What a joke
Tony's on his knees, unable to speak, horror in his eyes and there are a thousand different thoughts jumbled up in his brain
You did good kid, I promise.
You did so fucking good
Why did you leave that stupid field trip? Why didn't you stay with your peer group of hormonal teenagers?
Why did you have to have heroism etched into your DNA?
It's almost scary how fast Peter's mood shifts, from absolute anxiety to acceptance
His breathing slows down, Tony's trying he knows it.
He sees it
He can see the way his shoulders are tense, how he's on the brick of insanity and how he's trying to come up with words of reassurance
Somehow, Peter's turmoil is fading because Tony looks like he's about to lose it
It's okay
Everything hurts, and it's only now that he realises that he's left his best friend Ned on a school bus with no updates
Damn, he wasn't just a shitty hero, but he was a pretty shitty friend too. The thought of Ned Leeds hadn't even crossed his mind the entire time
Where was he? Was he safe?
Guilt washes over him
If possible, Tony's face grows even more alarmed "No, kid no" and Peter is barely registering how his arm has ceased to exist
Not him, no. Anybody but this fucking kid Tony's breathing was erratic. Why weren't any voices coming out what the fuck!?
His throat was drier than a dessert, what fucking use was this brain for all of its worth if it couldn't even perform the basic human tasks of speaking?!
Images flash across his mind, seeing videos of the kid, mentoring him, spending hours upon hours on different types of suits, designing so many different forms of gadgets
He should have stopped this
He should have fucking had his suit send him back to that stupid field trip when he had the chance
How the fuck could he have let this get too far?!
Tony's body is rigid at Peter's sobs I don't want to go, I don't want to go, please, Mr Stark!
Suddenly, Peter pauses, transfixed as he watches how his arm turns from rock to ash before returning his gaze back to his mentor in absolute guilt while the rest of him decays away.
His eyes say it all and it crushes Tony Stark's heart
I'm sorry I couldn't be enough
(I wish that I knew,
What makes you think I'm so special?
I wish I could begin to do something that goes right by you)
A/N: I deadass just watched infinity war like a few hours ago and immediately opened up word cause' my ass is still shook
There's probably already millions of fics similar to this but I really don't care, I'm in pain and this is a healthy ass way to let it all out
Tony Stark is hella protective over this kid okay? He's like a fucking dad to him whenever they communicate and Peter looks up to him in such awe. Like what a pure bean, I will fight you all on this.
Was I supposed to be doing an assignment? Yes, but priorities duh.
Thanks for reading my unbeta'd garbage that I seriously didn't look over properly. You're a real one for getting this far.
Till next time my lovelies