English is not my native language!
Disclaimer:
Sadly, I do not own the characters of "Dr. Quinn Medicine
Woman"… One Beth Sullivan does…
Rating:
I think this story is suitable for nearly all readers, so I guess
this is K+ rated?
Warnings:
Not really… This story may contain a slightly different take on
religion, so if you're easily offended by something like that, I
suggest not to read it…
Genre:
Humor / General (Yes, you read it correctly… No more drama! Well,
not too much anyway…) And I hope I succeeded a bit in the humorous
part…
Note:
This story came to mind while I was watching the movie "Bruce
Almighty". You know, the movie in which Jim Carrey is allowed to be
God for a week. I was very inspired by Morgan Freeman's portrayal
of the Big Almighty Guy Above, so if my description of God sounds
familiar…
Summary:
Hank gets shot and ends up having an interesting chat with the
Big Guy Above…
Please, don't take this story too seriously! It was just something that came to mind. It hasn't been my intention to offend anyone.
Somewhere in 1874...
"Damn Injuns!" Hank called as he blindly fired another shot. Where did he go? I'm sure I saw him a minute ago… Damn it! Why in hell did I decide to go through with this? Hank grunted as he looked around to see where his so called companions were, but there was no sight of them. He groaned once more as he realized that he was also nearly out of bullets. He shook his head in annoyance and wondered how he had gotten himself into this situation.
Earlier that day Dog Soldiers had attacked Colorado Springs, plundering and looting as they had gone. Luckily, just a few people had gotten hurt, but the material damage had been enormous. Loren's store, Grace's Café, Michaela's Clinic, Hank's Saloon; nothing had been spared. Windows had been smashed, some buildings had been lit on fire, and supplies had been trashed. Within an hour Colorado Springs had gone from a happy, prosperous town to a dark ghost town that pretty much resembled a war zone.
The citizens had been stunned at first. Why had the Dog Soldiers attacked them? There hadn't been any problems lately, had there? Even Sully hadn't been able to answer these questions, except for the fact that the Dog Soldiers were warriors and that they would take any opportunity to attack the American people just to make sure they wouldn't take their land. They did everything to protect their land and their way of living. After realization of what had happened had sunk in, anger had risen. The townspeople had been furious and had been out for revenge. So had Hank… After seeing the damage that had been done to his saloon he had immediately grabbed his gun and had jumped onto his horse to go after the 'animals' that had been responsible. Jake, Preston, Loren and even Horace and Robert E. had decided to go with him. Some of the townspeople had tried to reason with them, like Sully, Dorothy and Michaela.
"Don't do this!" Sully had called out. "Please, let me talk to Cloud Dancing first… He may know what's going on… You'll be making it worse hunting them down like that! You'll only make them angrier!" Hank had turned to face him, his eyes shooting daggers at Sully. "Yer asking me to stay put and do nothin', Sully?" he had answered the man angrily. "After what they did? Look around ya, Sully! They ruined our town! Our houses! Our businesses! No way in hell I'm going to let them get away with that… Damn Injuns! They will all meet the barrel of my gun… Dog Soldier or Cheyenne, whatever… They're all the same to me!" He had been about to ride off as Michaela had interrupted him. "Hank! Jake… All of you! It's no use riding off like that half-cocked. You will only get yourself killed!" Hank had grinned bitterly for a moment, shooting Michaela a dangerous look. "Well, I didn't know ya cared," he had replied sarcastically. Then he had jerked the reins of his horse and had ridden off; the other men following closely.
How things had gotten out of hand. They had followed the Dog Soldiers like mad, shooting blindly at everything that had moved, shouting like maniacs. Eventually, they had somehow lost track of each other and were all now completely on their own. Hank sighed deeply. He had no idea where he was and it looked like it would be getting dark soon. He inwardly cursed himself for having such a nasty temper, which always caused him to take action without thinking reasonably about the consequences. He looked around again, seeing nothing but trees and once more cursed himself, this time for losing his horse. A Dog Soldier had shot at him which had caused his horse to bolt. It had thrown Hank from his back and had run off. Damn horse… Damn Injuns! Could this day get any worse?
He stopped dead in his tracks when he heard something move behind him. Or someone… He spun around, grabbing his gun as he went. Everything went so fast, but at the same time it felt like time was slowing down. As he turned around Hank saw a Dog Soldier standing a few feet away from him. Hank pointed his gun at him, but the other man was faster. Hank heard a shot being fired. At first he thought that he had been the one to have fired it, but then he felt this incredible pain in his chest. He dropped his own gun as his world started to spin. He looked down to see blood pouring out of the gaping wound in his chest. His eyes went wide as realization hit him. No… no… Damn… He shot me! This… This is it… I… He fell on his knees and with a trembling hand he softly touched the wound. Blood spilled over his fingers, the liquid feeling incredibly warm as it touched his skin. He eyed the Dog Soldier in front of him one more time. The man gave him a satisfactory look. Damn you! Damn Injun! You… Then his vision started to fade. He felt himself falling backwards onto the soft soil. This is it, he thought, feeling slightly afraid as he realized what was happening. I'm going to die… I'm going to die…Then his world went completely dark…
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What's happening? Where am I? Falling… It feels like I'm falling… Fading… Is this really it? Am I dying? Am I dead? I figured it would end like this someday… Just didn't think it would happen this soon… Where am I going? What's that? Light… Bright light… Light… Man, how cliché… Don't give me that crap! It's getting closer… Bright… so bright… But beautiful… peaceful… incredibly peaceful… I haven't felt like this in years… Hell, I've NEVER felt like this… It's great! It's fantastic… It's better than… Well, almost… Am I going to heaven? No way! It can't be… After everything I've done… After the life I've led… Hell would be more like it… It's gotta be a mistake… a mistake… Damn! Snap out of it, Hank… Of course yer not going to heaven… There's no such thing as heaven… It's just yer mind playin' tricks… But then… Where AM I going? Falling… Fading… so beautiful… peaceful… heavenly… just perfect…
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Hank slowly opened his eyes. He immediately squeezed them shut again and then blinked a few times trying to adjust to the bright light that was surrounding him. Where was he? He stood up from the ground slowly and looked around. What is this place? I'm definitely not in Colorado Springs anymore… He was surrounded with bright light and he was standing on something rather soft. He also noticed a dense fog that reached to his knees. He looked up at the sky and despite the bright light he could see that it was blue. Bright blue… Hank grinned. If he didn't know any better he would have thought he was standing on a cloud or something… Or it could be heaven… He shook his head. Whatever it was, he was certain he was just hallucinating or dreaming. No way could this be real!
"And why can't it be real?" Hank suddenly heard a voice say. He spun around, his eyes darting around to see who was there. The voice was warm but clear; the sound nearly like music to Hank's ears. It was friendly and reassuring and made Hank feel more relaxed than he had felt in years. "Who are you?" Hank asked and watched in surprise as the bright light suddenly seemed to concentrate itself in one place. Hank held up a hand in front of his eyes in reflex, the light suddenly too bright for him to handle. "I'm God," the voice answered and Hank couldn't help letting out a chuckle. Of course ya are… What was I thinkin'… This was beyond a doubt the weirdest dream he had ever had. However, he couldn't help being very amused by it so he decided to play along. "Really?" he answered, amusement evident in his voice. "If ya are, would you mind change into something else? Yer all shiny and brilliant appearance kinda hurts my eyes…"
The voice let out a soft chuckle and said: "As you wish…" The bright light faded immediately and turned into what appeared to be a human being. Hank rubbed his eyes and watched in disbelief as the man moved closer to him. God is a black man in a white suit? So this ain't heaven after all… The man smiled gently at him, amused even. "Surprised?" the man asked as he saw Hank's bewildered expression. "Well… I… I just never figured God could be black…" Hank stammered and eyed the man suspiciously. "I can take on many appearances," the man said, "In your case I decided to appear like this…" Hank was stunned. What the hell? Why like this? "Okay… so why not a beautiful woman?" Hank asked curiously and had to grin as images of a very beautiful, but scantily clothed lady filled his mind. What if God had looked like that? "If I would look like that you probably wouldn't listen to what I have to say," God answered. Hank's grin momentarily disappeared from his face. Is he reading my mind? Well, if he really is who he says he is… Hank shrugged and smiled softly. "Probably not," he answered casually.
"So why a black man?" Hank asked. He couldn't help being curious. Of all things God could have chosen to look like, why had he chosen the appearance of a black man? "Well, I actually wanted to appear to you as an Indian, but I figured that would be a little bit insensitive of me… considering you were just shot by one…"God answered, a soft smile on his lips. Hank looked up at the man in amazement. Did God just make a joke? Is he making fun of me? He shook his head in disbelief. "So, why a black man?" Hank asked again. "If yer really God then ya must know I hate them…" "And why do you hate them?" God asked. Great tactics… answering a question with a question… Damn it… Hank sighed deeply before answering. "Because… because they're different," he said and as he said it, it suddenly occurred to him how lame it sounded. "Different?" God asked curiously. "How?" Hank shrugged. "They're slaves! They're black! They can't be trusted…" he answered and once again cursed himself for sounding like an idiot. He wasn't making any sense. "So they're 'different' because their skin has a different color? Because they have a different cultural and historical inheritance than you have? Than WHITE people have?" Hank listened to God's words. He reluctantly nodded, knowing that the reasons were ridiculous. God just smiled, his friendly expression never fading.
"Hank," God said, "Everyone is different. In the way they look, in the way they act, the way they think… But isn't that just the beauty of it? Imagine a world in which everyone is the same… it would be quite boring, don't you think?" Hank had to chuckle as he imagined a world full of Horace's. Yep, boring indeed… "Every human being is unique in his or her own way," God continued, "I created mankind as different individuals, but at the same time I also created them equal. A man is never more than a woman, or visa versa. A white man is never superior to a black man… No one is better or worse than the other… not to me… And nor should it be to you or anyone else in this world."
God's words repeated themselves over and over in Hank's mind. He knew God was right and that his hatred and distrust towards different races and nationalities were unjustified. Except for Dog Soldiers… Damn them! But still, it wasn't that easy to just set all these feelings and his prejudices aside. He sighed deeply. Well, at least he had something to think about. "So, why do ya appear to me as a black man?" he asked again, still curious about the answer. God laughed and said: "Many reasons, Hank… First of all because you are a very colourful character. You have a very colourful personality… I like that about you Hank. You say what you think, you never lie… You're never a hypocrite. And despite the fact that you're not such a nice man all the time, you do care about people. You care about your son, Myra and little Samantha. And you care about doing the right thing… Oh, and I like your sense of humour! Cracks me up every time…" Hank looked at God incredulously. This dream is getting weirder and weirder… I need to lay off the whiskey…
"You still think you're dreaming?" God asked amused. Hank eyed God questioningly. How the hell does he do that? "Why can't this be real to you, Hank?" God continued. "Why can't you believe this is real? That I'm real? Why don't you believe in me anymore? Because I know you believed in me once… A long time ago…" Suddenly Hank's expression darkened. "Because you were never there for me," he said in a gruff voice. God nodded softly, never taking his eyes away from the man in front of him. "And what made you think that?" God asked. Suddenly Hank saw his life passing by him. His childhood, his teenage years, his life in Colorado Springs. He suddenly felt all the hate, pain, anger and grief he had felt over the years. Feelings which he had had nearly every day of his life. Damn you... I'll tell ya why I don't believe in ya anymore! "Where the hell were ya when I needed ya?" Hank said through his teeth, his eyes shooting daggers at the figure that supposed to be God. "Where were ya when my mother died? Where were ya when my father showed me his love with the back of his hand? Where were ya when Clarice died? The love of my life… The mother of my son? Where were ya when I desperately needed advice about how to raise a kid? Where were ya when I desperately prayed to ya for a better life… when I prayed for someone to love me? Where were ya when I needed ya the most?" Hank was fuming with anger. Many different feelings were rushing through his body. Hate, pain, grief… He felt betrayed by the glorious being in front of him. You betrayed me… abandoned me… I needed ya…
God listened patiently to Hank's emotional outburst. He shot him a soft smile and nodded in understanding. He closed his eyes for a moment, then opened them and gave Hank a penetrating look. "I was always there for you, Hank," God said softly. "The hell you weren't!" Hank shot back his eyes nearly black with anger. Again God nodded, remaining unbelievably calm as Hank shouted at him. He was quiet for a moment, appearing to be deep in thought. Then he smiled warmly and asked: "You know what the problem is with mankind, Hank? They know how to pray to me, but they sure don't know how to listen when I answer them… I always listen, Hank, and I always answer; but people don't always hear me… People want me to do everything for them. Solve their problems, make their lives happier. But what they don't realize is that they can do it themselves. THEY have the power… I'm only there to support them, to guide them, to give comfort when it's needed… I'll give them strength, give them a shoulder to lean on, but they have to do it themselves… And I know they can! I created them… People aren't as weak as they sometimes think… They're strong… like you Hank… You are one of the strongest people I know… You've got the power to make things happen, not me…"
Hank was quiet as he let God's words sink in. He felt himself calm down and his facial expression slightly softened. "But how…" he started but then fell quiet again. He was confused. How was he supposed to know? What was the use of praying if God wouldn't help him anyway? Or did he? "You need to learn how to listen to me, Hank," God said and smiled gently. "I'm always there, no matter where you look or where you are… I'm there… Right there…" Hank looked down at his chest as God placed his hand on Hank's heart. "Right there…" God said once more and then removed his hand.
A soft grin appeared on Hank's face. Well, this guy does know how to say things… I'm actually starting to believe this is all happening for real… He sure know how to mess with my mind… Damn… Wait, can I say that here? Or think that… This is heaven, right? And I'm standing in front of the Big Guy… Damn! Oh damn, I said it again… D… I've got to stop that or else he'll send me to hell… Why ain't I in hell? I thought I'd definitely go there…
"What are you thinking about?" God asked. Hank grinned broadly. "What? Can't ya tell?" he answered cheekily. God laughed warmly and said: "I could if I wanted to, but where's the fun in that? So, what else is on your mind?" Hank shrugged and smiled softly. "Just wondering how I ended up in heaven… I always thought I'd go to hell…" God smiled at Hank's words. "There is no such thing as hell, Hank," God answered. "It's just a tale made up by mankind to scare children, hoping that they will live a good life and won't do anything bad… I have to agree, it does work sometimes… But the truth is that hell does not exist. Well, not in the way people believe… Hell is down on earth… Life can be hell; I'm sure you know that… So why would I send people to hell when they're dead, if they've already been there when they were alive? That would be cruel, wouldn't it?" Hank nodded in agreement, but he still had a question. "What about bad people? Murderers, criminals… They don't deserve to go to heaven…" Again, a soft smile appeared on God's lips. "A lady friend of yours once said something very wise to the citizens of Colorado Springs. I believe it was Myra… She said it in church while you were in a coma and no one seemed to care about that particular fact… I love all my children, Hank… Not just the good ones…"
Hank's eyes went wide as he heard God's words. Myra had said that? She never told me! No one told me… God, Myra… Sweet, beautiful Myra… I'm never going to see her again… Not until she dies… Damn! Life ain't fair… Nor is death… God let out a soft chuckle which shook Hank from his thoughts. "You aren't dead, Hank," God said. "And this isn't heaven either… It's a place in between. You're close to dying, I have to admit that… I just wanted to take this opportunity to have a little chat with you… And what a nice and interesting chat it was…" Hank eyed God questioningly. What the hell is he talking about? "I'm still alive?" he asked. "Barely," God answered, "But I want to give you a second chance… Think about our little conversation, Hank and try to do something good with the things you've learned from it… I'm not asking you to change who you are… I know you're quite happy with your personality and to be honest, so am I… All I'm asking is that you'll listen to me once in a while… Have faith… Try to think before you act… Look where it's gotten you last time you acted without thinking… Remember that YOU"VE got the power… You've got the power to make things happen… You want your life to change? YOU have the power to change it… You want someone to love you? Then LET someone love you… The power is all yours, Hank…"
Hank smiled. This had been, beyond a doubt, the most incredible experience of his life. Or was it death? He shook his head in confusion… Hell, it'll take some time to process all of this… "I… I don't know what to say…" Hank said a bit shyly. Where the hell did that come from? I'm never shy! Well, not very often anyway… Damn… "Just believe in yourself… believe in me…," God said. "You do believe in me now, don't you?" Hank shrugged. "I… I guess," he answered a little unsure, "But don't expect me to go to church all of a sudden and go preachin'!" God laughed loudly. "Oh no… You have a reputation to keep up, I understand that completely," God said jokingly but then looked at him seriously. "Hank, faith does not lie in buildings made of wood or stone… Faith is in your heart… And that's where you will find me, whenever you need me…" God placed his hand on Hank's heart one more time…
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…and pressed hard against his ribcage. "Ouch!" Hank called out, the pressure hurting him intensely. "Stop it, damn it!" he yelled. Suddenly God disappeared from his vision. The light faded and everything started to turn dark again. Hank felt himself fall; falling into nothingness… What's going on? Why am I falling again? Falling…. Fading… Nothing… Nothingness… Darkness… "Hank!" Who's calling my name? Who? "Hank?" Darkness… No, wait… Light… There's light again… Bright light… "Hank!" I'm here! I'm here…
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"Hank? Wake up, Hank." Hank slowly opened his eyes and blinked a few times as his eyes tried to adjust to the light. Michaela… "Mi… Michaela?" he managed to say, but his throat was dry and his chest hurt terribly. "You want some water?" Michaela asked gently. Hank nodded, so Michaela took a glass of water from the nightstand and brought it to Hank's lips. He carefully took a few sips, enjoying how the cold liquid felt on his sore throat. "Wha… What happened?" he asked and groaned loudly in pain as he tried to move himself into a sitting position. "Careful Hank," Michaela said and gently pushed him back down. "Just lie down; you need rest. You got shot… don't you remember? By a Dog Soldier…" Hank nodded. Dog Soldiers… "They… They attacked us," he stated, "Do we know why?" Michaela shook her head. "No, Sully and Cloud Dancing are still trying to find out… We think they picked up a rumour somewhere and tried to scare us… Anyway, the Cheyenne offered to help us rebuild… We accepted the offer… I hope you don't mind." Hank slowly shook his head. "How… How did I get here?" he asked. Michaela smiled softly. "Robert E. found you," she answered, "He found you in the woods… He took you with him onto his horse… he kept pressure onto the wound all the time… If he hadn't done that… He saved your life, Hank…"
Hank listened to Michaela's words and was stunned for a moment. Robert E. saved my life? Can't believe I got saved by a black man… Suddenly he let out a chuckle and grinned broadly. You just HAD to do that, didn't ya? I'm sure yer crackin' yerself up, up there… "What's so funny?" Michaela asked curiously. Hank shrugged and casually shook his head. "Oh nothin' really…" Hank answered amused, "God works in mysterious ways, doesn't he?" Michaela eyed him questioningly. "I suppose so," she answered. "I'll let you rest now… Try to get some sleep… You'll need it… You're not out of the woods yet…" Then she turned around and left the room. Hank smiled softly as Michaela's last sentence repeated itself in his mind. I'll be fine, Michaela… We'll all be fine… There's someone watching over us… Someone who truly cares… We'll be alright… We'll make everything alright… 'Cause we have the power… Well, that's what the Big Guy said to me, anyway… We'll see whether he was right, won't we? I sure do believe him… I sure do… He grinned broadly once more, then closed his eyes and drifted of to a peaceful sleep…
The End