Still Breathing
Chapter 1
Tali leaned against the hull, staring straight ahead in a daze. Her mind was still in shock and trying to process what had just happened. In front of her Joker sat in the cockpit, his white knuckled hands still gripping the steadily smoking console in front of him. Garrus groaned and slowly pried himself from the floor, a few drops of blood dripping from his forehead as he clutched his recently patched-up injuries with a grimace. Through the cracked window of the Normandy, Tali could make out pieces of the ship's hull, bent and smoldering from their violent atmospheric reentry.
"Ugh… EDI, status report" Joker muttered. There was no reply, and the pilot glanced over to his right. "EDI, I said- EDI? Shit!" Joker hobbled out of his chair and over to the limp, unmoving body of the ships AI draped over her control console. He tilted her head up to meet his own and saw that the holographic visor that normally covered her eyes was conspicuously absent, all signs of life gone from her face.
"Dammit EDI, no" he whispered.
At that moment Liara came limping into the cockpit clutching her arm, having suffered her own injuries from the crash. "Is everyone alright?" she called in concern. Tali shook off some of the shock from their crash landing and started to push herself up, but reconsidered as a stabbing pain shot up her leg and abdomen from the wounds she'd received back on Earth. Instead she just nodded at Liara and said "the rest of us are alive but…".
"But EDI…" choked out Joker.
Liara moved over to the AI's body and whipped out her omni-tool, making a few fancy finger swipes and pushing the holographic keys. She spent a few moments analyzing some scans of the synthetic frame then turned to Joker. "It looks like she was able to upload her program into an offline storage unit and disconnect the power. Whatever just took out the Reapers didn't affect her, however it will probably take a bit of work to get her back online" she said and gave the pilot a reassuring nod. He lowered his head and let out a heavy sigh of relief.
"Wait" asked Garrus. "Then how come it didn't take out the fleets orbiting Earth, or our omni-tools?"
"Or Tali's suit functions?" added Joker.
"It is still unclear" Liara replied as she sifted through data on her holographic display. "Whatever that signal was that the crucible sent out was far beyond any kind of Prothean technology I am familiar with. Or anyone is familiar with it would seem".
"Speaking of which" said Garrus. "we're damn lucky we dropped out of FTL when we did. This planet seems to have an atmosphere and judging by the holes in the Normandy we'd probably be suffocating in a vacuum otherwise" and he pointed out the bay window to indicate the lush green vegetation.
"Yeah… about that" said Joker as he rubbed his neck. "I remembered this planet from when we were surveying during the collector attacks. It was the closest thing to the Sol relay, so I figured it was our best shot".
"Quick thinking" remarked Garrus, and Tali silently agreed. If he hadn't gotten them to this planet they'd probably be drifting through space with no power right now. He'd undoubtedly just save all their lives.
"Question is, can we actually get this ship back off the ground and back to Earth?" inquired Garrus. "Cause I'd sure as hell like to give Shepard a pat on the back for whatever he just pulled off".
Tali lit up at the mention of Shepard's name. The last time she'd seen him he was pushing her into the Normandy's hanger bay and rushing off on a suicide run straight at Harbinger. Tali felt a stinging pain in her chest as she remembered what it was like to watch him run off towards almost certain death. To know that it would be the last time she'd ever see the person she loved. But if the crucible worked… if he made it to the citadel then he just might be alive, she told herself. She was then shaken out of her own thoughts as she looked up to see everyone staring at her.
"Oh, umm. Well…" she stuttered as she ran some quick numbers in her head and assumed the worst-case scenario for the ships damage report. "If the Normandy is as bad is she looks from here then it could take weeks, assuming we even had all the right parts… but…" she thought about seeing Shepard again, about holding him again. If the others could see her face clearly, they would have noticed a new determination spread across it. "But we'll do it in one" she stated boldly with a sharp nod.
"Heh, well someone's certainly eager to get going" chuckled Garrus. "What's the matter, didn't get a good enough look at London last time we were there?" he joked, knowing full well why the Quarian wanted to get back to Earth.
"Well first thing's first, we should all head down to the med bay to take care of our injuries. Then we can start repairs" said Liara with a calming smile.
"Great, cause' I think every bone that could be broken has been" remarked Joker.
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Shepard's vision was one big red blur. He tried to groan but found he didn't have any air in his lungs to let out. 'breath!' he screamed at himself in his head. 'Breath dammit!'. He felt like his whole body just wanted to shut down, like all he wanted to do was sleep for a week straight. But he knew he couldn't. he knew if he slipped away now there was no waking up. He summoned up all the energy he could muster and suddenly his eyes shot wide open as he took a sharp inhale of air into his lungs.
At once Shepard's whole body was on fire, every nerve cell screaming in a dull pain as consciousness flowed back into him. Through the blood covering his eyes he could vaguely make out the rubble that he was currently half entombed in. For a few seconds any sound was drowned out by a fierce ringing in his ears, then it dulled until he could faintly hear what sounded like a voice in the distance. At first he couldn't make out what it was saying, then he parsed out a few words. "I think… eard someth…ver there". Shepard tried to move his arm, to just raise it a little bit so he could get the attention of the voice. Instead his arm didn't budge, and a searing pain shot through the whole side of his body. Involuntarily he let out a choked scream as the agony h
Out of the corner of his eye he could just make out a blurry figure moving towards him. "Holy shit… I FOUND SOMEONE!" the figure yelled out and started waving his arm back and forth. They then knelt to examine him closer and let out a gasp. "Jesus Christ, It's Shepard! Hey, I've got Shepard over here! Quick bring some medi-gel and a stretcher!" they screamed. The figure then bent closer, almost right up to Shepard's face. "It's gonna be alright sir, just hang on. We'll get you outta here."
Two more blurs appeared in Shepard's peripherals and started to remove the rubble that covered his body. He let out a soft groan as the weight upon his limbs and chest began to alleviate. As the last of the concrete and twisted metal was removed the three figures hoisted Shepard carefully into the air, but even the gentlest movement caused him to croak out a groan of agony. Had he more energy he would probably be screaming at the top of his lungs, but as it was his vision started to blur and get dark. He knew this feeling all too well. Shepard was about to pass out. As he fought to remain conscious, images flashed before his mind. Even in his dazed state he knew they could be the last thoughts he ever had, and as he considered this his mind rested on one image. The image of Tali's face from the night before storming the Collector base remained burned into his brain as he drifted into darkness.
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Tali sniffled a bit as she worked. Her suit had gotten a few ruptures during the fighting in London and after a week of labor her immune system was catching up with her. Still, a fever and some sniffling was a small price to pay for survival.
'Alright, 3… 2… 1…' at the end of her mental countdown Tali connected the power coupling and quickly flipped a switch on the Normandy's main power breaker. She heard the whir of the drive core starting up and the lights began to flicker as the ship came to life. After a few moments the systems had all stabilized. They had power.
"Hah, that did it!" she exclaimed to no one in particular. Just then the intercom gave a short hiss and Jokers voice came through it.
"Tali, you're a freakin' miracle worker. All systems are up and functional" he stated jovially.
Tali activated her short-range comm unit. "Joker please, half the Quarian fleet is made of salvaged ships that were worse off than the Normandy SR-1 after the collector attack. This was nothing" she quipped. That was of course a slight exaggeration on her part. It had taken 7 sleepless nights and the efforts of nearly every crew member who could hold a welding torch or soldering iron to get the ship back up and functioning this quickly. The fact that Ken and Gabby had made it through the crash certainly helped as well, but she wasn't about to pass up the opportunity to flash her Quarian pride in ship repair.
"Yeah, yeah. Well we should have communications up and running in a few, provided the comm buoys are still functioning in this sector. Start making your way up to the cockpit" said Joker. Tali obliged and began heading toward the elevator. She was trying to be optimistic about the news they might hear, however she still couldn't help but to nervously ring her hands on the ride up to the bridge.
Tali nodded at specialist Traynor, who gave her a reassuring smile as she headed towards the cockpit doorway. Noticing it was already open she walked straight in but stopped in her tracks at the scene before her. Displayed on the vid screen was a blurry video that showed the citadel plummeting through earth's atmosphere, a soft red glow surrounding the crumbling space station. Garrus sat in the co-pilot seat, his head down and a clawed hand resting on his forehead. Joker watched the screen shaking his head, his mouth slightly agape while Liara stood behind him and stared with her hand covering her mouth in shock. As the image on the screen showed the citadel impact the ground with crushing force Tali let out a short sobbing gasp and the others turned to notice her presence.
"Tali… I'm so…" began Liara. She turned to Joker "Do we know for certain he was on board?" she asked in a soft and desperate tone.
Joker hung his head. "I got a report form Admiral Hackett" he said through clenched teeth. "It… It confirmed Shepard was the one who activated The Crucible… It came crashing down right after the signal went out". He looked up at the Quarian "I'm sorry Tali, I… I know how much the commander meant to you…".
"Damn it" Garrus growled softly. "I wish just once he could've let someone else… someone…" he left the thought unfinished as he let out a deep, mournful sigh and repeated "damn it".
Garrus finally looked back up at the Quarian "Tali I- ". But she had already begun to take a step back on shaking legs, acknowledging no one, her eyes fixed to the scene of the crumpled citadel on the vid screen. She took a few more steps back then swiftly turned and began walking back toward the elevator.
"Tali!" Garrus called after her as he began to get up and follow, but Liara caught his shoulder and shook her head.
"Let her go" she said softly. "I don't think there's anything we can say to her right now". Garrus let out a sigh and collapsed back into the chair he was sitting in. he supposed Liara was right. They had all lost a friend just now, but he knew she had lost something much more.
As Tali walked back to the elevator she didn't know what to look at, what to do with her hands. She felt like she wasn't in control of her own body. She instinctively pushed the button on the elevator that led to Shepard's cabin. As it ascended, thoughts came and went through her mind like lightning strikes. Images, memories, emotions, all whirled in her head like a cyclone, unable to latch onto any one for more than a moment before the next rushed in.
As she opened the door and stepped into Shepard's room, the thoughts suddenly became more concrete. She took a step in and glanced at the spot on his bed where she'd sat their first night together. That was the first time she'd ever been in his cabin and emotions washed over her as she was hit with the realization that she would never share it with him again. Tali collapsed to the floor on trembling legs a few inches from the door way and heaved a heavy sob. Tears streamed down her face as their all too short relationship flashed in her memory. Shepard saving her in the alley where they first met. Watching him die once before as the Collectors destroyed the Normandy, then finding him alive again on Freedoms Progress. She remembered her stumbling words as she confessed her feelings for him, how surprised and grateful she was when he reciprocated. She thought about the first time she'd shown him her face, about their first kiss. She remembered him helping her take back Rannoch and sitting on a cliff with him in the sunset of her home world.
All these thoughts flooded her mind as she softly cried on the floor, the heat of the tears and gasps of air steaming up the inside of her mask. She drifted off into restless dreams after 7 days of almost no sleep and the weight of loss weighing heavily on her heart.