Notes:

Decided to delete and re-upload the two separate stories in to one, to make it easier to add new stuff later as chapters rather than separate stories .

Also to piss off Critics United. I will take this down if the owners of tell me to, I won't;t do it at the request of self-appointed censors who don't really understand parody. I bet they thought they had convinced me after I removed the Fuckening. It's here as chapter two.

With that said, here are the two previous chapters. I have an idea for a third but I have to be in the right mood to write this bullshit.

"Hey Judy?"

"Yeah Nick?"

"It's obvious we're attracted to each other, right? I mean fuck it, it even says that in the relationship tags in the fic summary right?"

"Well yeah I totally want to jump your bones."

"Awesome, I wanna do the same to you."

"That's great Slick. So do you want spin this out over like 200,000 words of us being confused by our feelings for no other reason than for us to have hilariously twee and ridiculous conversations where we just can't say that to each other?"

"Of course I do Carrots! But let's make sure we try and throw in that we're confused by it because you are a bunny, and I am a fox. That way we can try and pretend this has some subtext for interracial relationships or just be there for drama's sake."

"As long as we throw in some hilarious misunderstandings that could be sorted out if we talked to each other for thirty seconds."

"Of course my best friend who is a rabbit and nothing else. I'm gonna stare at your butt now."

"You do that Nick. So, what now?"

"Well any minute now we'll probably get a case that starts off simple but spirals out of control."

"GUYS IT'S CHIEF BOGO HERE AND I AM YELLING BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT I DO I NEED OUR TWO BEST BEAT OFFICERS TO INVESTIGATE A MURDER EVEN THOUGH THAT IS WHAT DETECTIVES DO!"

"Wow really sir? I mean in fairness the movie kind of chucked police procedure under the bus, but I doubt two junior officers should be put in charge of the case."

"SHUT UP HOPPS THIS IS HAPPENING. ALSO, THE MURDER IS THAT OF A POLITICIAN/ACTIVIST OF SOME KIND! NOW GET TO IT! I NEED TO GO DECIDE IF I'M GAY FOR CLAWHAUSER OR NOT IN THIS STORY!"

"Oh sir, everyone's gay for Clawhauser! Isn't that right Ben?"

"I feel like I'm being pigeonholed here."

"Oh that Ben. Anyway Nick, still attracted to me?"

"Yup, you?"

"Yep, but we're not gonna talk about it! Just stare in to each other's eyes for uncomfortable amounts of time."

"Oh god yes that gets me so hard. But eyes sound so dull, Imma call them your amethyst orbs."

"Oh that sounds so romantic and not stupid in anyway. I'm going to call your eyes emerald globes. So what's next?"

"We better remind everyone that I am a fox and you're a bunny in case they forgot."

"Oh yeah well; we just did that so what now?"

"Let's see… It should be right about now a sort of canon character turns up to complicate the investigation and also be the same species as one of us at some lazy attempt at conflict."

"Hello it is I, Jack Savage, here to take the investigation from you as this is now in the hands of FBICIAAGENCYMI5. Judy Hopps, do you want to bang me?"

"No."

"You sure?"

"Yes."

"Absolutely positive?"

"I want you to fuck off and leave me alone."

"And now I shall only hear the 'I want you' part of the conversation and instantly assume I have no chance against this rabbit from FBICIAAGENCYMI5 even though it is blatantly obvious that Judy likes me."

"Is it my special eyes?"

"Yes, it is your amethyst orbs."

"Awesome! So I guess we should start investigating the murder huh?"

"Shit I completely forgot about that."

"No you cannot investigate the murder because I, Jack Savage of the FBICIAAGENCYMI5 have taken over."

"Please can we help?"

"Oh go on then."

"Awesome, thanks Jack!"

"And now I am even more convinced that Judy is in love with Jack so I'm going to go be depressed. God I hope some other woman doesn't show up."

"Hi there I'm Skye!"

"WHAT ARE THE ODDS?"

"Oh it's OK, Jack and I are actually in a relationship, except that he sleeps around because that's a joke about rabbits being sex fiends."

"It's true. I do get to sleep with anyone I want and she's totally fine with it because fuck consequences in this fantasy story, am I right?"

"Damn straight! Nick, I think we forgot to mention that I'm a bunny and you're a fox."

"Shit we better do that again and even though we have this other inter-species couple here we're gonna drag this out for a bit longer because DRAMA. Also, didn't we have a murder to investigate?"

"Crap you're right. Look a clue that leads me to suspect that the killer is a criminal from your past."

"Oh God it's my dad, isn't it?"

"Maybe? Could be Bellwether as well. Fuck knows she shows up enough in these."

"True, but I guess it's about time to go talk to Duke Weaselton and get some info that cracks the case wide open. Heya Duke."

"No one acknowledges the fact that by being a weasel and sneaky as all get out I invalidate the film's message about prejudice and not judging books by their cover. Here's some info that I got from my father's cousin's sister's brother's uncle's former roommate."

"Thanks Duke! Anything else Carrots?"

"I think it's about time for my parents to show up."

"Aww that's nice. My parents are either dead, not talking to me, or evil so it would be great to have a surrogate family."

"Well you sure as hell can be part of ours Nick. I'm Bonnie and I can see you two love each other and I'm fine with that. Or uncomfortable and racist. Shit what were my character traits again?"

"GRAH STU HOPPS NO LIKE FOX. STU SMASH!"

"I like your Dad Judy."

"Aww he's a real articulate fella Judy, I like him now. You should bang him."

"Aw fuck I forgot people like to throw in rabbits being very open about sex because…humour?"

"Well foxes like me mate for life. That's it. That's the entire plot point. Apparently this is adorable."

"Speaking of foxes shouldn't Finnick or Gideon show up by now?"

"WHASSUP MUTHAFUCKAS! FINNICK IN THE VAGUELY RACIST HOUSE!"

"Aw shucks well that there fella is the cutest thing since crows on wheat bread. How ya'll doing Judy!"

"Aww I'm fine Gid, have you met Nick?"

"I don't like you Gideon."

"Blueberry flavoured baked goods."

"NICK AND GID BFFS! ALSO POSSIBLY A LITTLE BISEXUAL I DUNNO!"

"Oh fuck we forgot about the murder! Nick, isn't it about time we acknowledge our feelings?"

"Probably, but lets wait a little longer, we're about to find out who the villain is."

"IT IS I BELLWETHER!"

"This is amazing and no one saw it coming."

"I AM GOING TO USE NIGHTHOWLERS BECAUSE I AM RACIST AND USING THE SAME PLOT FROM THE MOVIE SHOWS HOW MUCH OF A GOOD FAN I AM!"

"Oh no you don't Bellwether, I Nick shall try and stop you but will get beaten in a fistfight because hey, not like I went through the same ZPD training as Judy but must be at least somewhat competent."

"OH NO NICK YOU GOT HIT BY THE NIGHTHOWLERS."

"NICK HUNGRY! NICK ATTACK SHEEP!"

"No the fox has defaulted to his base instincts and is defending the rabbit, time to pull out my real gun and shoot him which would have been a much better plan!"

"NO NICK HAS BEEN SHOT AND IS DYING BUT I NEVER CONFESSED MY LOVE!"

*CUT TO BLACK*

"It turns out I'm fine!"

"And we confessed our love for each other and we're all good. Also Bellwether is dead."

"And not a single fuck was given."

"Hey did we do any actual police work during this story?"

"Honestly Judy I have no idea."

THE END.