This is my first D'espairsRay Fanfiction so it might be crappy . but I really love Zero. Any one paired with Zero (in the band) is perfect I Might continue this one, depending on how many people rate. this is my first one after all : pleeeease comment. Arigato Gozaimasu! Btw, I wrote the story without the quotations on purpose, it's this style I fell in love with after reading a best selling novel.

-Harder

-Zero, if I do it any harder, I think I might hurt you.

-if you don't get it in, we'll be here all night

-Zero...

-Do it.

Zero gave him a gentle reasuring smile, his eyes glazed and almost unfocused. The pain from the unsteady stabs at the wounded flesh, the insecure and weary attempts at a successful, quick penitration was a series of carnal sensations zero was already used to. he didn't fear pain. didn't need to tell him to stop.

-This hurts me more than it hurts you

-You have no idea...

Karyu's breath was warm against zero's cheek.His eyes where glazed too, his focus passively given up to his current state of intoxication. They had been out all night partying with the rest of the band. It was nearly two in the morning. His small apartment was silent except for the small sounds zero made in his arms as he tried desperately to avoid causing him any pain. But zero was drunk. He became beautiful and vulnerable and innocent all at once. Zero has always been the quiet, small in the band. But he always carried that cold glare in his eyes that spoke more than he ever did in actual words. He hated to be touched unless he touched you first. Unless there was some form of intimacy he wanted before he withdrew and became the "shadow" figure again; a boy who only looked soft, and wasn't nearly as innocent as he appeared unless he was on intimate terms with you.

-Zero, do you want me to stop?

-Doushite?

-Because i'm shitfaced and I think I just tore you a new hole.

Zero made a small sound that sounded almost like a laugh. Karyu looked down at him, paused midsentence when he caught sight of Zero's soft mouth in an expression of calm ecstasy. He completely forgot what he was going to say.

-Is that why you can't get it in? Or is that an excuse?

-Let's measure the possibilies.

Zero actually laughed this time, low in his throat. He took Karyu's hands and drew them to their destination, showed them the exact spot, and smiled.

-Put it there. Do it.

Karyu shook his head.

-Shitfaced. You're hands are so...cold.

-Alright, get off of me.I'll do it.

Karyu didn't move. He simply watched zero as if he where watching the beauty of the rain and struggling to understand its mystery.

-But you won't be able to see it. Just Let me-

Karyu pulled Zero closer and made his attempt again. Zero's back arched against him when Karyu made a beautifully reckless stab at it and drove is straight through. Karyu growled his surprise, stood transfixed with awe as if zero were his complete master piece. Zero touched that sensitive spot. Stroked it, and close his eyes.

-Beautiful.

Karyu touched Zero's mouth, rapt and wondering how drunk zero was to change him so much, even enough to use the word beautiful.

-Does it hurt?

-Hai.

-Really bad?

-Hai.

Karyu's eyes lowered and he almost looked ashamed. Still, he held on to Zero, unwilling to break away from this rare intimacy. Zero was completely vulnerable. He had no idea how much drinking changed him. It opened him up like a badly stitched wound and exposed him.

-Go..Gomenesai.

-Don't apologize.

-Ok.

Zero leaned forward as if he where about to Kiss him, smiled, and turned away. Karyu watched him, feeling a little dizzy. Zero's cold finger prints settled on his heated flesh, came to life again as if his fingers where still there. Karyu didn't move. Paralyzed by lust and intoxication, he warmed his way into a state of ethereal contentment. He had never been drunk and alone with an equally drunk zero. He didn't know what to do with himself. He knew that things would be back to "normal" tommorow. Zero would be his usual elusive self, the seductive creature foo far away to touch despite being within arm's reach.

Karyu heard the sink running in the bathroom. He left his room, made a sharp left, and stood on the threshold of the bathroom. The apartment was small, everything was comfortably close. It was no mission to get to an from bed room to bathroom, kitchen to living room. it was all connected, simple and clean.He stood leaning against the door, watching Zero examining the earing they had struggled to re-pierce. If they hadn't been so drunk, it wouldn't have been so hard. Way to feel stupid,ne? Karyu smiled weakly.

-You wanna wash your hands?

-Eh?! Nani? Oh, Hai.

He moved up behind Zero and waited patiently for him to disinfect his ear. Zero turned slowly and came face to face with Karyu. They could the other's breath against their lips. Karyu looked wondering, Zero a little breathless. Karyu scratched his head.

-Daijoubu?

-I've felt worse.

Karyu didn't know what to say. He reached up to touch the swollen lobe, and Zero caught his hand. Zero trapped his gaze, and before either of them knew it, thier lips where...touching. There was no movement between either of them, simply touching. Karyu pulled back an inch, touched his mouth with his own again. He couldn't stop himself. They gave a gave, innocent chaste kisses. Until Karyu didn't draw back, and Zero's bashful tounge escaped his mouth. Karyu opened. Closed softly. He made a soft sound and that must have jogged Zero back to his senses. Zero reclaimed his tounge and pushed Karyu away from him. Not hard, just enough to sidestep and escape his solemn eyes. Karyu didn't turn to face him. Didn't say anything as Zero walked out of the bathroom. Less then a minute later, the sound of the rain from outside found Karyu staring at his reflection, and was shut out again when Zero closed the door. Karyu touched his face, leaning closer to the mirror. He stood expressionless, perhpas unfazed by all that took place. But only on the suface. Under his skin, deep down, he felt lost.

-Oyasuminasai, Zero-Kun.