Blurred
Summary: He was on the outskirts of the group, pretending to feel accepted, keeping up his dapper, happy-go-lucky persona despite the blurry images that wouldn't leave. If they knew the truth- if anyone knew- his one piece of happiness would be lost to him forever.
Warning: There are elements and mentions of non-con, but it's not graphic. It's rated T for the theme.
A/N: Ugh this one's dark too, like most of my other stories (minus a few fluff pieces I've written) and does contain elements/mentions of non-con. It's a very short oneshot.
Based off the leaked scene of "Red Solo Cup" and the leaked spoiler that Sam and Blaine get into an argument about sectionals.
P.S. To readers of Fallout: Chapter 21 will be posted on the 9th, right on time with the usual posting.
Blaine danced along lightly, flashing smiles at the other members of the group, even clinking his cup with Quinn as he bobbed to the notes floating from Sam's guitar.
He sat carefully, taking a drink and looked at his cup during a lull, letting the actions and the music distract him from the images that were forever racing through his mind.
A face he thought he could trust distorting before his eyes, grinning widely like the Cheshire cat.
The cold leather cushions of a car's back seat much too close to his face in the dim light. His finger's scrabbling for the blurred door handle that just wouldn't give.
"What is wrong with you?" Kurt was mouthing at him suddenly, breaking the images loose from his mind. He let his eyes flicker and gave Kurt a light, fake smirk before turning back to watch the others sing and enjoy themselves.
Kurt didn't really want to know. The knowledge would torture him the way it tortured Blaine; end them. Blaine wished he could just wipe the knowledge from his mind, forget it never happened, but he couldn't. He could only pretend.
He continued listening to the others sing and tried to act like he was enjoying himself too. He had to be the same, normal. He had to be the dapper, happy-go-lucky kid they expected him to be. They barely even liked that persona; he was on the outskirts of the group, only pretending to be accepted. He knew the truth; that he was merely tolerated. They'd stop tolerating him if they knew and start hating, so would Kurt.
He couldn't look at him anymore. He couldn't face the eyes he could feel accusing him and he stood up again, putting some distance between them as he kept up his façade.
The song ended and he joined the group standing around Sam, keeping the smallest of smiles on his face even as Santana entered the room and started off spouting insults at Sam. He let his smile falter for a moment and looked at Sam to see his reaction. The other boy was smiling, smiling!
Apparently Santana could get away with anything. She could be cruel and mean and yet everyone still cared about her, loved her. They made excuses because she was having a tough time.
No one seemed to notice that he was struggling too.
He faked yet another smile with what was he hoped looked like a playful roll of the eyes as Sam hugged Santana and told her he missed her too. He bit his lip and looked away.
He sat in his chair, still holding the red cup filled with sparkling cider in his hands, and smiled slightly as the other members of New Directions greeted and hugged their old friend.
'Would the Warblers still treat me like that if I went back?' He thought to himself as he fought to keep his smile from faltering again. 'Not anymore. They would know. He's probably bragging about it now.'
There was something wrong with him now. He bit down hard on his lip and his lips twitched with the struggle to keep his mask firm. Kurt had even noticed. Kurt had noticed.
He blinked furiously. If Kurt knew then it would all be over. The one small piece of happiness that he held onto would be gone for good. He tried to stop blinking, every time he closed his eyes more memories would come to him.
What should have been a friendly face handing him a hot coffee.
Taking a sip and wondering at the slightly off taste as it burned his taste buds.
The smirk on the other boy's face as he ignored it and continued drinking.
The pavement as it flew up to meet him, and the pain that scraped against his hands and knees as he crumpled to the ground.
"Earth to Blaine," there was a tap on his shoulder as Kurt's melodious voice sing-songed in his ear, "You with us?"
Blaine blinked, noticing that Santana had left and the rest of the glee club was looking at him curiously. He looked at his boyfriend, shooting him what he hoped was a convincing, bright smile, "Yup. Totally with you, Kurt."
"Sam was saying he had an idea for Sectionals on how to beat the Trouble Tones," Kurt filled him in, smiling softly. Kurt's attention turned to Sam briefly, "You have our undivided attention now Sam."
"Alright, as I was saying," Sam spoke up, smiling, "Since we've lost so many of the girls we've lost some of our sex appeal, but I think we guys can probably amp it up a bit to give us an edge."
Blaine's face froze for a moment, before he spoke stiffly, "You want us to sell ourselves?"
"You didn't think all those beers at the bar a few weeks ago and those coffees were free, did you? Wow you really are naïve."
Sam was scowling at him, "That's not what I said is it? Who do you think you are anyways?"
"Sam I don't think he meant it like that," Kurt's voice was defending him softly.
"Show choir is not about being sexy or sex appeal," Blaine heard himself speak up before he could stop himself. "It's about singing, if you didn't remember."
"I don't remember asking you," Sam scowled at him again and Blaine slipped back in his seat a little, wincing at the pressure.
"All I'm saying," he said tightly, "Is I don't think we should go parading ourselves on stage. We're supposed to be showing off our voices, not our bodies." He swallowed, his eyes watering before he tightened his composure. 'Don't show weakness', he reminded himself slowly, 'Be strong.'
"You can't be going around acting so sexy and not expect consequences," a voice mocked softly, and hands were pushing his face into the cushions so he couldn't see, couldn't speak, could barely breath.
"Is that some sort of crack?" Sam had risen back to his feet and Blaine pressed himself back instinctively away from the other boy. "I'm sorry if I'm not some spoiled little rich boy and I have to do what it takes to help support my family."
"I'm not spoiled," not anymore, not after the other night; to be spoiled meant to think the world was a safe place. "I-I didn't mean it like that," he spoke in a tight voice, his hands rising up defensively as he stood, "and you know it. I just think you've forgotten what glee club's really about."
"It's no use arguing with him Sam," Finn voice spoke up with a dark lacing of amusement, "Obviously as a former Warbler Blaine thinks he knows everything there is to know about glee club, don't you Blaine?"
Blaine's eyes flickered between the two boys and Kurt's hand laid softly on his shoulder. He bit back his retort and very carefully sank back into his seat. "Whatever."
"I think that's enough for today guys," Mr. Schue's voice spoke up after a moment, "We'll meet up again tomorrow to discuss more ideas for sectionals." There was a pause and the teacher's voice directed at Blaine, "In the future Blaine, maybe you could suggest alternatives rather than just attacking someone else's idea?"
His jaw tightened again. As much as he needed it a secret, as much as he fought to hide it; the fact no one would let themselves see was torture. They didn't even really look at him; they just saw what they expected to see, "Yes Sir."
"You alright?" Kurt's voice asked quietly and the hand on his shoulder squeezed lightly.
He forced his face to soften into a smile, "Of course. I'm with you, aren't I?"
Kurt smiled lightly at him, "Well thank you. Now what are you buttering me up for?"
Blaine shrugged his shoulders, "Can't I just be nice to the most wonderful guy in the world?"
"Yes, but it usually means you wants something," Kurt joked with him softly, his hand crawling forward to entwine with his.
"God I want you so bad," the voice moaned in his ear before teeth dragged along the shell. "You want it too. You know you do. You just can't admit it."
"Just you," he answered, surprising even himself with the intensity of the words. "You're the only thing I want; the only one I want."
The smile that grew on Kurt's face sent his heart beating faster and the boy's hand touched his knee softly as the club started to trickle out of the room. A long beat of silence passed until they were alone in the room, then a low soft whisper, "My, my Anderson, are you trying to suggest something?"
Blaine's eyes widened and his face flushed. A flustered breath flew from his mouth and he whispered quickly, "What? No, of course not. I just meant-"
"That's too bad," the smile on Kurt's face waned slightly.
He was losing him. He could see it by the slight hurt that was hidden behind Kurt's expression. He tried to put on a seductive face and lowered his voice gently. He would do what he had to in order to keep this beautiful angel of a boy at his side, "Well in that case I've changed my mind."
"I'll come over tonight?" Kurt asked softly, keeping his voice low as he blew a breath across his ear.
Blaine froze.
"Come on Blaine. It's not like you haven't done it before, right?" A different voice breathed in his ear as another's bodyweight pressed against his back, holding his weakened body down to the car's backseat. "He'll never have to know."
Words interrupted him again. "Blaine, would you stop zoning out on me?" Kurt asked in an irritated voice.
"Sorry," he flashed him a smile and supplied an easy excuse, "I was thinking about you coming over tonight."
Kurt was frowning at him now, apparently seeing through the lie and looking more concerned than irritated, "Blaine are you alright? The last few days you've been acting kind of weird. You barely kiss me. You always freeze up when I touch you," there was a pause, a beat of silence and thought before Kurt continued softly, "Is there something you need to tell me?"
"What?" Blaine's head swivelled and he looked Kurt in the eyes, his heart racing with panic, "No. I don't know what you mean."
"Okay now you're lying to me," Kurt's arm crossed over his chest, looking irate once again. "I thought we had a relationship based on honesty."
"We do-" he tried to insist, his voice shaking terribly. He could feel his carefully constructed composure start to slip.
"I don't know if that's true anymore," Kurt shook his head, his eyes watering with tears. "I can see it Blaine. You're acting distant. You're pulling away from me." He saw Kurt bite down on his lip and his heart clenched. His actions had hurt Kurt and the notion threatened to cleave his heart in two. "It's Sebastian, isn't it?"
Blaine couldn't control the look of pure shock and terror that came over his face. He blinked in surprise, before blurting, "I can explain."
Kurt shook his head, tears spilling over his cheeks, "The look on your face explains everything."
"Kurt I-"
"Cheated on me?" Kurt finished for him. The other boy's lips were trembling, begging to be kissed and reassured, but Blaine couldn't make himself do it. He just couldn't initiate physical contact no matter how much his heart ached for it, memories were holding him back, binding him more than ropes or binds ever could.
He swallowed the thick lump in his throat and whispered, "I didn't cheat on you Kurt. At least- I don't think I did." He shook his head softly and shifted away a little, "I don't know."
That seemed to get Kurt's attention and he stiffened. He hadn't meant to say so much. He could see the cogs turning in Kurt's mind and the pinched look of anger that replaced the hurt on his face. "What do you mean you don't know?"
"Kurt I-" he couldn't say the words, instead his shoulders started shaking and his eyes unfocussed despite himself.
Hands were pulling him to his feet and half dragging him towards the shiny silver car. His vision blurred even more and suddenly he was lying face down.
The hands stroked along his sides, curling around the waistband of his pants and fumbling and tugging.
His head lolled and there was a coolness that shouldn't be there. December was cold, but frigid air was biting at his legs as if nothing was covering them.
Colder hands slipped under his shirt. Gasping, choking, pleading, "No."
"He'll never have to know."
"Blaine what the hell is going on?" Kurt's hands were on his shoulders, shaking him and when he let his eyes focus on Kurt he saw the hand coming towards his face. His body reacted of its own accord, flinching away.
He tried to twist and turn, finally managing to force his way face up despite the odd weakness in his limbs. Knuckles collided with his face and he slumped down, the blurry face of his supposed friend smirking down at him.
Hands pressing on him, turning him back over. Whispered threats of "I wouldn't do that again."
"Just relax."
"It'll be fun."
"Our little secret," whispered almost gently. The voice turning menacing, "It'll be our little secret, won't it Blaine?" A hand curled into his hair, fingers gripping the gelled locks and pulling back hard. "Won't it Blaine?"
The fingers didn't hurt him, instead they brushed against the smooth skin under his eyes, coming away with wetness he hadn't been aware was there.
"Blaine what happened?" Kurt's voice was no longer angry, but soft and scared. "Why are you wearing make-up?" A beat passed, "Is that a bruise?"
His body trembled and he leaned forward, letting gentle arms wrap around him and bring him close to the other boy's chest. A hand began to stroke his hair and he burrowed his face into his boyfriend's shoulder.
"You can't tell him. He'll break up with you. He'll hate you," a voice whispered softly in his ears when it ended, a light menacing lacing through it, "and then I'll be the only one who'll love you." A hand traced over his spine, making him shudder and shake. "I'll be the only one."
"Kurt," his voice was sobbing brokenly, "M'sorry."
"Sorry won't change how he'll feel about you if he finds out," the voice had assured him, the fingers running lightly back up his vertebrae.
"I only want you," Blaine murmured, his body pressing closer to Kurt's. "Only want you Kurt, I promise. Please don't hate me."
"Blaine," Kurt's voice was softer still, "I need you to tell me what's going on here."
"I trusted him," Blaine whispered out in a small voice. "It tasted funny but I didn't think. I'm sorry Kurt. I'm so sorry, I didn't think."
He felt Kurt's arms stiffen around him and he felt his own muscles tense as he waited for Kurt to yell, to leave. He couldn't handle it. He broke from the comforting warmth of Kurt's body and bolted for the door.
"I'll be the only one."
A blurry, smirking face leaning over him as he was pushed into the car, "I always get what I want Blaine, and I want you."
"He never has to know."
"He'll hate you."
"I'll be the only one who'll love you."
A/N: I know the tensing in the flashbacks is a little inconsistent, but I'm claiming creative licence on that. In Blaine's mind it's like the past and present are combining. Time is linear, but our minds don't always process it that way.
By the way I love Santana and her storyline, that little bit is just what Blaine would think in that situation considering how hurt and angry he would be. I also love Sam and Finn's characters, but they're teenage boys- they get testy sometimes.
This is a oneshot. I know it doesn't have a very conclusive ending, but it's not really supposed to.