Different yet the Same
Ike was getting ready for the day. He walked out to the river to wash his face. It was still soaked in sweat from the day before. He sat down by the riverside, dipping and wringing and washing his face. Today he was going to the market to pick up some meat for the following dinner.
Meanwhile, on another side, Heather was getting ready for the day. She donned her stealthiest attire and headed out to the market. Today she was going to pick up some fruit for her mother.
The two headed separately to the market. But once they convened in the center, they bumped into each other. Literally. "AH!" Heather screamed as she fell to the ground.
Ike walked up to her and asked, "Hey, are you okay? I'm…"
"What?" she snapped, "Watch where you're going you pig!"
Ike looked woefully at his gut. "I swear I have a fast metabolism!" he shouted.
Heather was confused for a moment. Then she realized what happened and laughed, "Oh, you must have thought I was referring to your eating habits… would 'hound' be more appropriate?"
"I don't know why you're insulting me, but it hurts and I wish you would stop," Ike said, "I was trying to apologize for bumping into you."
"Yeah, yeah," Heather said, rolling her eyes, "I'm sure you were just shocked to bump into an attractive young woman, and didn't like it one bit."
"Well… why would I like it?" Ike asked, "I mean, I hurt you…"
"But if you didn't hurt me then you would like it, correct?" Heather accused.
"I wouldn't feel as bad about it, but I wouldn't like it. Why would I purposely bump into someone?"
"Stop playing dumb," Heather said, holding a knife, "And leave me alone or I will stab you."
"Okay, okay!" Ike said, "I'm sorry I said anything!" Ike ran off without picking up the meat. Three young women came over to Heather; a tall blonde, a large brunette, and a short redhead.
The blonde asked, "What the hell were you thinking?"
Heather said, "I just got rid of a pervert. That's what I was thinking, hottie."
The brunette added, "That was Ike."
"Oh, it was?" Heather asked, "I vaguely remember him…"
Heather's idea of Ike is that of a muscle-bound idiot who says "Duhhhh" all the time, has sharp teeth, and rapes every woman in the army.
"But he didn't seem quite like my memory," Heather continued.
The redhead said, "YOU COULD HAVE SLEPT WITH IKE!"
"I have no interest in sleeping with Ike. He probably sleeps with all of the girls anyway," Heather said, "And I have no interest in seeing him again."
----
Ike walked back to the market with a glum expression on his face and no meat.
Soren was at the doorready to comfort him. "Oh, Ike," he said, "What happened?"
"Do you remember seeing a blonde thief around?"
"A blonde thief?" Soren asked, "You mean Heather?"
"You know her?" Ike asked, surprised.
"Yes," Soren said, "She was in that army that we just led… a month or two ago? How could you forget so soon?"
"There were a lot of faces in that army and I can't be expected to remember every one of them!" Ike said. "Anyway, it was obvious she doesn't remember me…"
"How so?" Soren asked.
"Well, she seemed to think I was some sort of pervert," Ike responded.
"You? A pervert? Noooo!" Soren responded sarcastically.
"You're biased and I overrule your opinion!" Ike shouted, carrying Soren to the bedroom, "But now, why don't I give you some concrete evidence to support it anyway?"
"Ike, it's five p.m. Please put me down and wait like a good boy."
"You're no fun," Ike said, obeying reluctantly.
"Oh and speaking of five p.m., where is the meat?"
"Oh crap," Ike said, slapping himself in the forehead, "I forgot because I got so annoyed with Heather."
"Aww, man!" Boyd shouted from another room, "Vegetable soup again!"
"Sorry, Boyd," Ike apologized, "I'll get it tomorrow."
Secretly, he wanted to get closer to Heather.
----
The next morning, Ike awoke to find that Soren was missing. Horribly alarmed, he went over and asked Oscar what happened to him.
"Oh, he just went to the market to pick up the meat," Oscar responded.
"Did he take a tome with him?" Ike asked.
"I don't see why he'd need one…" Oscar answered.
"Because there are thieves in the market! He could get mugged!" Ike shouted, "He DID take one, didn't he?"
"I didn't pay any attention," Oscar admitted.
Ike ran to the market to check on Soren and, as luck would have it, bumped into Heather. Again.
"YOU!" she shouted, "I told you to LEAVE ME ALONE!"
"I swear it was an accident," Ike said. "Since we're on the subject of accusing each other of things without evidence, I just want to tell you that if you mugged Soren you are dead."
"I don't know who Soren is, but even if I did, I wouldn't mug him. Besides, you wouldn't kill a girl, would you?"
"I don't see why not!" Ike shouted. "I have to kill men all the time! And it hurts!"
Soren, holding the meat walked up to the altercation and shouted, "STOP IT!"
"Why should I listen to you?" Heather asked.
"Because you listened to me during the war, and we won, Heather," Soren responded.
"You're… the tactician? Huh, you're kinda small…" Heather said.
"Hence why I'm the tactician and not a front-line infantry man," he answered.
The three girls from the previous day walked up to Ike and giggled. "Hey, Ike," the redhead said, "My sisters and I want you to follow us into a nearby alley."
"DON'T DO IT!" Soren shouted.
"Why not?" Ike asked.
"Because all they want to do is rape you!" Soren responded.
"Rape me? I doubt it. If they try, I can just fight it off," Ike responded.
"Well, what is the benefit of following them?" Soren asked.
Heather responded, "Even if they don't rape him, they'll probably take off their shirts and then Ike can look at all their bare boob glory."
"That's disgusting," Soren responded.
"True," Ike said, "Sorry, ladies, but I'm not interested."
"YOU'RE NOT?" the blonde girl asked. She lifted her shirt. "What about now?"
Ike covered his eyes, and Soren slapped himself in the face. Heather stared. And drooled.
The blonde put her shirt down upon seeing Heather. "Can I help you, madam?" she asked.
"You can do whatever you want with me," Heather said sexily.
"That's gross," the blonde said, "Come on, ladies, let's get away from that girl before she ruins our purity." Heather began to cry.
Ike shouted futilely, "It's not gross! And what purity, you sexual harassers!? Curs…"
Heather was still crying. Ike looked down at her and said, "Hey, don't cry."
"What do you want?" Heather asked.
"I want to give you a shoulder to cry on," he responded.
"I'm so… upset right now," Heather said.
"You're too good for those girls anyway, Heather," Ike said, "You shouldn't hit on just anyone. You should seek the people who make you feel like you're the most valuable person in the world."
Ike grabbed Soren's hand at that moment, "I know that from experience."
"You two are…" Heather said, shocked.
"Yes," Ike answered, "And how you couldn't have gathered that from the fiasco with the three girls is beyond me."
"I was… too busy thinking about how hot the girls were to notice…" Heather said.
"Oh, right," Ike responded.
"Listen," Heather said, "I'm… sorry about what I said yesterday… and this morning." She blushed sheepishly.
"Heather," Ike began, "I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship."