The Quickest Way to a Man's Heart

Fanfic number 100! Tada! XD Finally reached it. Thanks be to Chocolate Confection, who unwittingly inspired this Thrill Pair oneshot.

x The Quickest Way to a Man's Heart x 444 words

'Ryoma-chan!'

Echizen Ryoma looked up warily from his desk, instantly recognising the soft voice that was speaking to him.

'Fuji-senpai, don't call me that,' Ryoma said tiredly, knowing that however many times he said it, Fuji would continue anyway.

'Would you explain this saying to me, Ryoma-chan?' Fuji held out a notebook, which was open to two pages full of elegant English cursive. He pointed at a line.

'"The quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach."' Ryoma read the English words quickly, a feeling of foreboding welling up in his own stomach.

'What does it mean?' Fuji said innocently.

Ryoma stared carefully at his senpai, already wary of where the conversation was going to lead him. He replied, 'It means that if you want to get to a man's heart, you're supposed to feed him.'

Fuji smiled. 'Oh. I had thought that it meant you were supposed to stab through the stomach so you could get to the heart.'

Ryoma very nearly gaped, but composed himself before responding. '...Fuji-senpai, the stomach is lower than the heart is in the human body.'

'But couldn't you take a knife and jab upwards?' Fuji made a stabbing motion.

'...The ribcage would still be in the way.'

Fuji smiled widely. 'I see.'

There was a pregnant pause, before Fuji pondered aloud with the same innocuous smile, 'So does it mean that you're supposed to poison the man first, so the heart will stop?'

'...Fuji-senpai, it doesn't have anything to do with murder.'

Fuji was nearly grinning. 'So what does it mean, Ryoma-chan? You weren't being very specific.'

Ryoma sighed. 'It means that if you want to get a guy to like you, you're supposed to feed him.'

'Oh, I see.'

And Fuji promptly stuffed a piece of sushi that he had been holding into Ryoma's mouth.

A piece of Wasabi sushi.

Ryoma's eyes widened and watered, and he searched for any liquid that he could immediately pour down his throat.

'Here, Ryoma-chan.' Fuji handed him a plastic, opaque bottle, with the cap off.

Ryoma promptly emptied the bottle into his mouth, and then swallowed all of the bottle's contents.

He paled, and turned to Fuji.

Answering the unspoken question, Fuji said cheerfully, 'Inui kindly gave me that Penal Tea last week, and I had been looking forward to drinking it.'

Ryoma ran off to find the nearest washroom while Fuji simply stood, smiling madly.

Upon returning, Ryoma asked angrily, 'What the hell was that for?'

'Well, you said so yourself,' Fuji replied with a smile on his face that Ryoma found none too innocent, 'The quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach.' x owari

No omake, because this is my 100th and I feel like slacking off. Please review? -awinchan