I can't remember the day I became a mom but I remember the exact moment I knew I was pregnant.

It was a strangely hot day in the middle of August, a few days after we freed our people and the grounders from Mount Weather. It was so hot even inside the medical tent I could feel the hair sticking to my forehead and to the nape of my neck. I tried to wipe some of the more intrusive strands with the back of my wrist before getting back to the bandage on Monroe's leg. She'd caught it on a particularly vicious vine the week before but it seemed to be getting better, the deep gash had reduced to a mean-looking line with clean but bruised edges.

"I think in a week or so you can do without the bandage all together. Just keep it clean and try not to put so much strain on that leg or it'll start ripping again." Looking at the bandage one last time I had to admit it looked fine for a torn piece of fabric held together by the scrap metal clips Finn made. Thinking of Finn was getting easier but it still made me hollow with guilt.

Monroe was about to hop down from the exam table but thought better of it once she read the silent warning in my eyes. Instead she smiled and slid off carefully, throwing back a quick "Thanks Clarke!" before scurrying out into the camp.

I was alone in the tent for the first time in hours. I didn't even know how long it'd been since sunrise but the bright yellow star must have been high up the sky judging by the heat. I closed my eyes for a moment and let my whole body relax as I threw my head back with a sigh. I stretched my neck out left, then right, in an attempt to ease the soreness on my bacK. I'd been feeling off for a week already, like I was waiting for a nasty flu that wouldn't come. It was annoying as hell. If I were sick, I could treat myself and feel better. Instead I was left with this sensation of 'not being well' and a dull aching all over that felt like lazy period cramps.

That's when I realized the flu wasn't the only thing that wouldn't come. It started off as curious worry but as I counted back the days, the weeks, to the last time I remembered being on my period I suddenly felt the tent get smaller and smaller, my body jumping to conclusions as I fought to keep calm and concentrate.

I couldn't remember being on my period any time in the past four weeks. My stomach was tightening. What about before that?...

…

…

Nope, nothing. Oh, God.It'd been what... six, seven weeks? Oh, my God.The tightening on my stomach was rising to my chest, pressing on it and threatening to leave me gasping for air. I was panicking. I couldn't panic, I had to think. Think and figure out what was going on with my body. Maybe I was doing the math wrong, maybe this was all just a big scare about nothing.

The flap on the tent slid open and through it came Raven bending down to avoid knocking down the frail structure down.

"Hey, Clarke," she said straightening up once inside. "Miller's looking for you over by the meat hut. I think some kid slashed his finger trying to clean up that deer they brought in."

"I'm sorry, Raven." I told her to see if Jackson could check on the kid, that I'd join them later. I needed air and quiet. Most of all I needed to be alone to think this through.

Stepping out of the tent I made my way through the camp, barely registering the weathered faces of my fellow Arkers carrying supplies here and there and the guards in black gear with their concentrated gazes and their riffles at hand.

I tuned out the sounds of the camp, focusing only on my boots over the gravel. The smell of smoked meat was filling the air, and when someone called my name from a distance I just held up a finger and kept on walking, fixed on reaching the front gate.

The guard on duty, a tall, blonde woman with a long face, Major Byrne, stepped in front of me as I approached the electrified wire fence. She held on to the riffle strung across her chest.

"I'm going out to get some herbs for medical," I explained. "They're right outside and we're running low."

Exiting Camp Jaha wasn't exactly prohibited but everyone was on edge, especially the Guard. They were coming to terms with the many dangers that awaited just beyond the trees, from angry grounders and crazy reapers to the horrible Mountain Men.

"You should be back by lunch hour," Byrne said. "There will be a head count for supply distribution." I nodded. The woman hesitated but she finally stepped aside and signaled another guard to swing open the gate.

I walked as fast as I could without raising alarm, zigzagging as I went to avoid the off-white rocks that broke out of the ground every now and then in the irregular grassy area separating the camp from the tree line. I didn't stop until I was surrounded by tall, lanky trees and the ground beneath my boots went from hard rock to the cushioned brown carpet of fallen leaves and pine cones. I let myself slide down to the roots of a sturdy tree trunk, feeling the jagged wood bite into my back.

By then I already knew. It was half medical certainty, half gut feeling. I knew I wouldn't be that scared if it were nothing. I was pregnant. At that very moment there was a living creature growing inside me.

I always thought finding out you were pregnant would feel more- I don't know, more 'maternal', I guess, but it just felt scary. I felt like I was in trouble. Suddenly I was worried about how I was going to tell my mom, which was ridiculous. My mother had sent me to war on a radioactive Earth, she couldn't expect me to come out the other side still being a teenager and playing by the rules. I knew I was older than my years, Earth had made me older, but I guess fear of disappointing your parents is one of those things that never really goes away.

I took a moment to weigh my options. Being pregnant didn't mean I would end up with a baby. A lot of things could happen. A few things could be done. As I thought about it, my hand found its way to my stomach, resting over this phantom idea of a baby. I wasn't attached to it but it didn't feel right to get rid of it, to end its fight for survival.

I threw my head back against the tree a little too forcefully and closed my eyes at the sudden jolt of pain. Crap.

The fact that there was something wrong with the implants we were given back at the Ark was obvious, at least with mine. It made me angry. If I couldn't be in control of my own body then what the hell was the point? I made a mental note to check for other 'cases' among the girls at camp. We didn't need a baby pandemic spreading out through camp. It was not the time to have babies.

There was a train of ideas going through my head but one definitely jumped out: Who's the father?

Just to clear up, it wasn't like I was sleeping with the entire Camp Jaha but there were a couple options and it was the difference between the father being dead and- Oh, no.

I had to breathe through the panic again and just focus on figuring it out.

The night Charlotte died, the night Finn and I slept together, it seemed like forever ago but I knew it had only been a little over two months. Nine weeks ago, maybe?

Finn's baby... I did love Finn but how could I have this baby and not be reminded every day of what I did? How could I ever move past the fact that I put a knife in him and ended his life?

I thought I remembered getting my period after that but I couldn't be sure. Who can keep a calendar when you're trying not to die?!

If it wasn't Finn's, then that left me with option number two, that 'other' night. I blamed that night on vulnerability, overall exhaustion and the fact that he's a little too attractive for anyone's good. I still blame on that. After that night we both wordlessly agreed to just move on and not make a big deal out of nothing. It worked fine for us. Besides, we didn't have a lot of time to dwell on it between trying to get our people back from Mount Weather and making sure the Commander sustained our fragile truce.

We were friends, in a weird way. He'd helped me deal with Finn's death and we'd fought this war side by side. We didn't always see eye to eye but we'd come out victorious, if a little traumatized.

Even Lexa had noticed he was important to me. How could he not be? We shared a bond of responsibility despite the fact that neither of us had asked for it. We'd become the unwritten ambassadors of the Sky People and the only ones who The 100 would blindly follow. Still, when I slept with Bellamy, having his baby was not part of the plan.

A week passed by and I still hadn't talked to Bellamy about it. Every time I saw him around camp it just made my stomach drop and I got this irresistible need to look down. I hadn't told anyone else either. I knew if I was going to tell someone, it had to be him first. I just didn't know what to say. This is terrible, terrible timing-

I was going through with the whole thing even if he didn't want to be a part of it. I didn't know how that would work exactly since we lived in a tiny, tiny camp and had nowhere else to go. Do I even want him to be a part of it?It'd be hard enough dealing with it without having to deal with Bellamy. Plus, I had friends, I had my mom. Sure, she'd freak out but in the end I knew she'd have my back. Maybe it'd be for the best if he didn't want to be involved.

As we made our way in silence through the forest surrounded by Jasper, Nathan, Octavia, a few members of the guard and about half-a-dozen grounders, I ventured a glance at Bellamy. He was walking by my side, as usual, bumping his elbow into mine with the ups and downs of the terrain. The reason for this particular trip to Tondc was to work out the terms of a new alliance with Lexa and the clans now that our common enemy was no longer enough of a threat to keep us working together. Technically, we were still trespassing on Woods Clan territory and th-

"You think she'll go for it?"

I had to take a second to regiter what he'd actually said.

"I'm not one to turn down a good fight," Bellamy continued, keeping the conversation just between the two of us, "but all this 'kill and be killed' crap is getting old. I just want to relax, build some houses for a change."

I couldn't help but chuckle at his tone. We were all so tired. Building houses… Babies need houses, right?

I cleared my throat in an attempt to clear my head.

"I don't know," I said, thinking back to his original question. "We're doing the best we can. It depends on how good we are at convincing Lexa. They need us to get the Reapers back to normal and we could use their knowledge of the ground to make it through the winter." Lexa could still say no. And then what? Back to a war we couldn't win.

Bellamy gave me a sideways glance.

"Running low there on the optimism?"

"What can I say? When you're hit one too many times…" I knew the timing couldn't be worse but I had to talk to him. If I kept postponing it, I was going to go crazy. "Listen, Bellamy-"

"Heads up, Princess. The welcoming party's here."

I pushed the confession back down my throat and saw Indra standing in front of us at the hill that led to Tondc. She looked every bit as distrusting of us as ever. The woman was flanked by Lincoln and four more grounders, all warriors with bone masks and blades strapped to their clothing. Lincoln broke from the group to meet Octavia who was already making a beeline for him. They wrapped each other in a all-encompassing hug and I glanced at Bellamy just in time to catch his grimace. Every time. I had to smile at how predictable he was when it came to Octavia. Indra's face helped me get rid of the smile and I gave the dark-skinned, mean-looking woman a nod that said 'I'm not here to kill you but I'm not to be trampled on'. She responded with her signature scowl.

"The Commander will see you in her quarters," she said dryly. "No weapons."

That last part was directed at Bellamy who begrudgingly passed the strap of his riffle over his head and handed it to Miller before leaning in to speak to the boy quietly, probably passing on orders to keep his eyes open and not trust the Grounders for a second.

"Shouldn't we be pass this by now?" I said to Indra.

The woman didn't reply, instead she just jerked her head back to a couple of grounders behind her. Bellamy and I went with them leaving Jasper and the others to guard the outside of the tent. Just before going through the flap. Bellamy took a sharp breath and we braced ourselves to pitch our best sale.

We must have been in there for over two hours. It was an endless tug of war with Lexa to establish the terms of our deal until, finally, it was settled: the Sky people would join the other 12 clans as part of the alliance. We still had to sort out some leadership issues within our camp. To the Grounders, I spoke for the Sky People, but my mom was still the Chancellor so that was bound to bring some problems. We also had to pay some sort of tribute for our land, which now included the drop ship and the graveyard as well as Camp Jaha. Other than that it was done, we were the Skaicru, 13th clan of the alliance led by the Commander.

Speaking of the Commander, Lexa hadn't taken kindly to Bellamy's presence in our conversation at all…

"What is he doing here?" Lexa said the moment we walked into the tent.

"Bellamy stands with me," I told her.

"He didn't before," she bit back.

"Look, Commander," Bellamy said, stressing the title a little too hard. The last thing we needed was another war to break out because Bellamy couldn't keep his no-nonsense attitude in check. "If it makes you feel any better, I'd much rather be outside with my gun, but last time you two were in charge of the decision making my sister almost got blown up with an entire village so yeah, I think I'm going to stick around from now on."

After that she mostly put up with him. Bellamy followed my lead on the negotiations making a few suggestions here and there. He was the one who wanted to include the drop ship and the burial site as part of our territory. I looked at him and I knew why. That was our beginning, all that we had accomplished and failed at since we landed. For the 100, and now for the Arkers as well, that little piece of land was part of our history.

Once we stepped out from Lexa's tent, Bellamy went to gather Miller and Jasper so we could head back. I knew part of him was also anxious to retrieve his gun. It had become part of his daily attire and he seemed naked without. He probably felt that way too.

I was watching Bellamy talk to Jasper when Octavia came over with Lincoln to tell me she was staying behind. Since Indra had accepted her as her second, the girl parted her time between Camp Jaha and Tondc, staying mostly at the latter. Indra shouted something in Trigedasleng at Octavia and she ran to report back to training. I thought that was it and was ready to go join Bellamy and the others, but Lincoln lingered behind like he had something on his mind.

"Bodies are still being pulled from the wreckage," he said gravely.

The memory of what happened in Tondc was still too fresh in my mind.

"I think we can send a team from the Ark to help rebuild. Engineers, anyone who'd be useful. I'll talk to my mom to set it up."

Lincoln just nodded.

"What is it?"

"Spechou," he said in a solemn voice.

I didn't recognize that word from my short repertoire.

"It means congratulations. May your womb be strong and full of health, Clarke."

"Lincoln-"

"The way you walk and hold yourself, I've seen many a woman with child. You're in good time. The cold months are ahead but you'll be out of the first stage by then and the child will already be old enough before the next winter. Few are so lucky."

I couldn't say a word. All I could do was stare back at him. Finally I think I managed a 'Thank you' to which he gave me a curt nod and turned to leave.

"Lincoln, wait!" I jogged a little to close the distance between us and glanced around to make sure only he could hear me. "I, um, could you take a look? I'd like to know if everything's ok, maybe see if you can tell how far along I am. I would ask my mom but I'd rather keep this to myself for now. Since you already know-"

"There's a place where we won't be bothered."

"Thank you, Lincoln."

"I'll go tell Octavia to go on without me and then we can leave."

"Oh, you mean go now?" Lincoln's stern face was a clear 'yes'. "Okay, okay, I'll be right back."

It wasn't easy convincing the others to head back without me. Jasper suffered from separation anxiety after the whole Mount Weather ordeal. He'd taken it upon himself to know where everyone was at all times. I assured them Lincoln would escort me back to Camp Jaha after we assessed the situation in Tondc, what was needed for the reconstruction, and how the Arkers could help. I held Bellamy's narrow look until they finally agreed.

Turns out the place Lincoln was talking about was the cave where he'd taken Octavia to heal her when they first met. It was impossible not to think about the fact that it was also where he stabbed Finn. Back then no one could have predicted where it would all take. Somehow it felt like yesterday and a million years away.

When we first entered the small underground cave I couldn't see a thing. I considered getting a glow stick out from my jacket but Lincoln set to work on a fire right away and before long the space filled with the orangy glow of the flames. I looked around at the things crowding the cave. The rocky walls were covered in sketches. A particularly big one of a mushroom cloud left traces of thin white dust on the tip of fingers.

Lincoln called over to me. He'd set up a few layers of fur on the ground in front of the fire. I removed the buckle with my hand gun and my jacket and set them both on a metal crate by the wall before laying down and waiting for Lincoln to crouch down beside me.

I'd stopped fearing Lincoln a long time ago but being alone in this tiny place, suddenly he seemed bigger. The whole thing was just awkward.

"Relax, Clarke."

I let out a breath and tried to settle, looking straight up at the irregular rocks that formed the ceiling.

He lifted my shirt a bit, up to my bellybutton, and started prodding carefully with warm, calloused hands. I tried not to think about it too much. It helped that Lincoln had a medical air about him as he pushed down on the sides of my lower abdomen and asked the most intrusive questions about my last 'bleeding' and my active sex life. Finally he moved back and I lowered my shirt.

"The child's hold is strong. Your body has started expanding and will begin to swell soon."

"How far along?"

"Five weeks maybe, six at most. It's been growing for less than two months."

The whisper escaped from my lips before I could stop it. "Bellamy-" I looked up at Lincoln and he answered my unspoken plea not to tell Octavia about any of this.

On the way back to Camp Jaha, Lincoln pointed out what herbs would be dangerous and which ones would help with the baby. I was only half paying attention. The other half was busy thinking about the finality of it all. That was it, I had no more excuses left, Bellamy needed to know. He needed to know I was 'with child', -his child.