A/N: This story requires a little bit more explanation than my other stories. The basic premise is that it covers what's going on behind the scenes during the cannon story, with Allen and Lenalee's feelings for each other. It follows a blend of the anime and the manga; I try to be as true to the manga as I can, but there are some filler episodes from the first part of the anime that I feel are rather important for their relationship.

I very much dislike fanfiction stories that repeat pieces of the original stories word for word, so I try very hard to keep that to a minimum here. The few times I do repeat dialogue word for word, it's from first person, so the focus is more on the character's thoughts rather than the dialogue.

A little bit of history: I've been writing this story out of order, so pieces of it are actually older than my account on this website. It's the very first fanfiction story I started writing. Because I write it out of order, so I was waiting to post it until I actually had the first chapters written. It's still got some gaps, but I'm really hoping that posting it will motivate me to work on it more often.

*TL/DR: This follows the anime through episode 40 then it switches to following the manga, skipping over things that are irrelevant to Allen and Lenalee's relationship.

Now, on with the story!

.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.

The day Allen Walker arrived at headquarters changed my life. I may not have known at the time just how completely he would change it, but I knew from the moment I first laid eyes on him that he was special.

I was excited to have a new family member. A new exorcist comrade. And he was my age. Part of me was even glad that I was no longer the youngest. Though I would learn later that when it came to maturity, Allen was much older than the rest of us.

And dear God was he cute. He was short for a guy, but that put us on the same eye level, and I hadn't expected to like that. Then again, his eyes were gorgeous, large and such a bright, clear silver. That was probably why I liked his lack of height. His hair was short too, something unique when most of the men I knew wore theirs long. But the length wasn't what was truly unique about his hair. No, that was the color. That pure white that looked like snow. At first, I thought it was dyed, but his roots weren't dark and his eyebrows were white too. Even his eyelashes were white. It was so strange, yet at the same time so ... perfect.

And then there was that scar. He'd called it a curse when he failed the gatekeeper's exam. It was off putting at first, the way the red stood out against his pale skin. But there was something about the way it framed his face. Something about the way it scrunched up when he smiled. It completed him somehow. I couldn't picture him without it, and found that I didn't want to.

That failed exam had freaked me out. I was scared, not just at the possibility of danger, but that there might be something wrong with that boy who was so kind and sweet. Nii-san's assurances that only humans could be cursed calmed me, but the worry for that boy remained.

... ... I...

Oh dear lord, I had a crush on him. I'd known Allen Walker for maybe an hour and I was already infatuated with him. But maybe that wasn't so surprising. He was nice and he made me laugh. I figured it would blow over as I got to know him better, so I decided to forget about it.

He certainly wasn't making it easy though. He'd stood his ground against Kanda and Mugen, when most fully grown men would have turned and ran. He didn't hide that he was afraid of Komui's drill. And according to Nii-san, he had even activated his paralyzed Innocence during Hevlaska's exam. This was someone who knew who he was and what he wanted out of life. And it made him even more intriguing.

Then came the incident in the cafeteria. When Reever and I found him, Kanda was giving him his best death glare. I was safe because of my gender, but it was a look that made any partially sane person run and hide. Except for Allen. He looked just as pissed as Kanda. Apparently, they had managed to hate each other already. And it wasn't over anything petty; it was a legitimate rivalry. Allen had the backbone to stand up to Kanda, and Kanda, well Kanda had never had someone stand up to him before. This would be good for both of them in the long run. So long as everyone stayed out of their way. Anyone who got too close was liable to get caught in the crossfire.

Like right then. The finders had all fled the cafeteria because of the aura they were giving off. Reever was too chicken to approach, but I didn't blame him. Surprisingly, talk of a mission snapped them out of it immediately.

And unfortunately, my crush was still going strong. It even survived watching Allen wolf down a week's worth of food in under ten minutes. But then again, I had been with the Order for some time and I was well acquainted with a parasite-type's need to eat, so it really wasn't that weird to me.

The usual method of waking Komui was normally just cause for an eye roll. But after Allen's arrival, it became embarrassing. I didn't like having my crush witness Nii-san's overprotective side. I'd had crushes before, but this was the first time I felt like keeping one away from my brother. Which was not helping with my plan of forgetting about the crush.

He was leaving immediately for a mission though, and I was glad for it, because even though I wanted him to stay, I knew that by the time he came back, my crush would have worn off and we could be friends.

I was so very wrong about that...

.x.x.

The green haired Chinese girl was pretty, and it was nice of her to welcome me and show me around. In my experience, girls my own age weren't usually that friendly. At least not to me.

Honestly, I didn't think much else of Lenalee that day.

But then again, why would I? Between finally arriving at the headquarters of the Black Order, the incident at the gate, and the various examinations of my Innocence, there was just too much other stuff going on. And on top of that, I was gay. There was absolutely no reason for me to give a woman a second thought, no matter how pretty she might have been.

.x.x.

I'm fairly certain that Allen thinks I'm a snob. My words and actions towards him when he returned from his mission definitely came off as rude. I couldn't help it though. And it certainly wasn't my intention to make him feel bad. I just didn't expect my heart to start beating like that. I thought my crush had passed. I thought I was over it.

I wasn't. If anything, it was worse. I had a hard time forming a coherent sentence. Hence why that sentence came off as rude. I needed to get myself under control. If I continued like this, I wouldn't even be able to be friends with him. This was not the way to get to know him better.

I hoped the surprise party would make up for my rude behavior and help him feel better. The only problem with that though, was that I couldn't find him anywhere. I was kicking myself internally when I ran into Toma, the finder that had accompanied Allen on his mission. While it was relieving to learn that my behavior wasn't the reason for his sudden disappearance, my worry only spiked higher. So we chased after him.

It was a good thing we did. Finding him in the middle of a graveyard, kneeling between a child and the Millennium Earl, having taken an akuma bullet... That was heart stopping. But before I could panic over him, the poison cleared up.

I ran closer and got within hearing range just in time to hear the Earl say that he remembered Allen from the time when Allen tried to turn his father into an akuma. There were so many things wrong with that statement. Not the least of which was that Allen was alive and human.

I listened in awe and horror as Allen told the story of how he'd been cursed. I'd never given much thought to how akuma were made before, but it was apparently something Allen thought about all the time. He fought, not because he was required to as an accommodator, but because he wanted to free the souls that were trapped inside the akuma.

Then the Earl summoned more akuma and I sprang into action before I could put any more thought into it.

.x.x.

There was a lot going on that night in the graveyard. Jean and Leo. The Earl. All those memories of what happened the night I tried to bring back Mana. I barely even registered surprise at learning Lenalee was an exorcist. And after that, there was fighting off the akuma and trying not to pass out as the exhaustion set in. The whole night was one big blur.

There was one clear moment in all of the chaos though. The image of Lenalee floating in front of the full moon with her Innocence activated burned in my mind. In that moment she was the most beautiful woman I had ever laid eyes on. It was a strange thought to have, especially when I had barely noticed that she was female prior to that night. I didn't know it then, but that was the moment I fell in love.

.x.x.

It started out like a normal morning, taking coffee to my brother and the guys in the science division. I bumped into Allen on the way, which was lucky since he was headed to the cafeteria. Fortunately, after the incident in the graveyard, I now knew the perfect way to keep him away from the preparations for his surprise party. And sure enough, he didn't say no to helping me carry the coffee.

Allen was adorable in the way he talked to the scientists. It was a good thing Komui was too busy with his robot to notice that I was practically drooling over that boy. Of course, that's when the robot decided to drink Nii-san's coffee and go on a rampage. It caught me before I could even process what was going on. I was too distracted by Allen; like the others, he was freaked out over what the robot wanted to do to me, but was that because he liked me or simply because he was a nice person?

There was no time to wonder about that though, obviously, and I put everything I had into trying to escape and yelling at my brother to help me. I was angry at Komui for not being able to choose me over his stupid robot, but that was nothing compared to the indignation I felt when he sicked the robot on Allen to save me. Unfortunately, I was knocked out before I could do anything about it.

...

I woke up just in time to see Allen get caught by the robot. Though I was still groggy, I didn't need to force myself into action; Allen was in trouble, I had to help him. I'd justify it later by insisting to myself that he was a friend, and I would do anything to protect my friends, but I knew it was a lie. While it was true that I would do anything for my friends, it was my feelings for Allen that made me act the way I did.

I was so agonized over him getting captured because I was falling in love with him.

This was no longer a simple crush. I had actual feelings for the boy. And I could no longer deny that. Not when the sight of him shirtless kept replaying through my mind.

I had been attracted to Allen from the beginning, but it wasn't until I saw him shirtless that that attraction went beyond simply thinking that he was hot and had a personality that I wanted to get to know better. His toned chest and chiseled abs were drool worthy, and more than once after that day, I caught myself wondering things like if his lower half was just as toned, or if the carpet matched the drapes.

I knew that those kinds of thoughts were improper, but that didn't bother me. No, the only part that bothered me was the wondering if Allen would ever like me back.