3 weeks.
That's how long it had been since Luke's funeral.
And that's how long it had been since Alya left Weatherfield to try and clear her head and her heart of the crippling grief that comes with losing someone you love.
3 weeks.
That's how long it had been since Zeedan found out about the affair.
And that's how long it had been since Kate and Rana had said a word to each other.
Kate released a sigh and sprawled herself onto the couch; her eyes drilled to the white ceiling as her mind took her back to that day, back to that moment.
"You shouldn't have told him."
Kate had gone over those words in her mind many a time since that dreaded confrontation in the Bistro. She was angry at first, because… of course she should have told him. It was the truth and she was tired of living a life of false pretenses. She was becoming someone she didn't recognize; someone she didn't want to be. And it was time to put an end to that. Why couldn't Rana understand?
Though they haven't spoken since then, she has seen her around. Occasionally, she sees her in the pub or across the street as she walks home from work.
She looks different now. Empty. And Kate can't stand to see her that way; so small and frail, devoid of life and energy. The warm, mischievous glint she's used to seeing in her chocolate brown eyes is now gone; suddenly faded into nothingness. The Rana she now sees, isn't the one she knew.
And it's a bit concerning….to say the least. But she can't really say anything. She did this. She let her go, so it's no longer her place to worry over Rana's suffering. She forfeited that right when she decided that their relationship wasn't worth fighting for. That Rana wasn't worth fighting for.
Kate blinked rapidly as she began to feel tears welling up in her eyes. How could she have been so stupid? So blind? Why couldn't she have been patient?
Rana would have been worth the wait.
No matter how overwhelming her guilt or jealously was, no matter how painful it was to not be able to be open about the woman she loved, being with Rana in the end would have been worth it. She knows that.
And it's this realization that hits her like a ton of bricks on this evening. It's this realization that literally makes her feel sick to her stomach. She gets up and quickly heads to the bathroom, vomiting into the toilet bowl once she arrives. She brushes her teeth and washes her face soon afterward, wanting to rid herself of the tears that briefly made themselves at home there.
After freshening up, she heads to the kitchen and puts the kettle on, hoping that tea will help soothe her unsettled stomach. She frowns as she waits for the water to boil, suddenly wishing the drink somehow had the power to soothe her mind as well as her body.
Kate was asleep on the couch when she awoke to an unpleasant sound a couple of hours later. She slowly opened her eyes and gingerly walked toward the door when she realized where the buzzing was coming from.
"Hello?" Kate answered, disuse making her voice barely audible.
"Kate…"
The brunette snapped out of her haze when she realized who it was. "Rana?"
A few seconds went by before she heard the woman speak again. "Can I…can I come up?" she asked, hesitantly.
An expression of concern blanketed Kate's face. She could clearly hear Rana's voice breaking as she spoke. "Yeah…of course." She opened the door and briefly felt tempted to meet her halfway down the stairs.
When Rana arrived a few minutes later, Kate was greeted with the sight of tear-stained cheeks.
"Rana…" Kate said, breathlessly; her body aching to get closer.
"Kate…" Rana responded, tears still flowing from her eyes. She barely got a few words out before her voice her cracked again. "I'm sorry…"
Kate swiftly walked over to her and took the small woman into her arms without a word. They stood there for 10 whole minutes while Rana quietly sobbed into her shoulder.
Though Kate no doubt wanted to know what had made Rana so upset, she stayed silent; realizing that she wouldn't be able to get an explanation from her while she was in this state.
Once Rana's sobs subsided into sniffles, Kate slowly pulled back from her and tried to make eye contact. The smaller woman avoided her gaze until Kate gently lifted her chin upward. "Let's head over to the couch, yeah?"
Rana sighed and nodded her head in agreement before letting Kate guide her to a seat on the sofa. "Do you want me to make you a brew?" Kate asked, softly.
Rana nodded again, still feeling too fragile to speak. Kate squeezed her hand gently and grabbed her a box of tissues before making her some fresh tea.
Rana managed a small smile when Kate handed her the mug. "Thanks."
"No problem." Kate felt some relief at seeing her smile….even if it was a hollow one compared to the brilliant smiles she elicited from her in the past.
Rana clutched the mug tightly, the warmth from it providing her with a sense of calm. She stared into it absent-mindedly until Kate broke the silence they'd established.
"Can I?" Kate asked, tentatively.
Rana's eyes trailed from her mug to Kate's eyes. "I'm sorry?"
Kate lifted her right hand, showing it to be holding a tissue. "You've still got some…" She pointed at her own face to indicate the area of Rana's face that needed attention.
Rana briefly placed a finger onto her left cheek and realized what Kate was referring to when she looked at her hand. "Oh."
Kate chuckled quietly at Rana's expression of embarrassment before reaching over and gently wiping the tissue against the smaller woman's cheek to remove the remaining mascara.
"Gosh, I must look a mess," Rana bemoaned, suddenly self-conscious.
Kate shook her head in amusement. "Don't be silly." She grabbed Rana's hand and carefully wiped off the mascara that stained her index finger. "You look beautiful," she said, smiling as she lifted her head and looked into Rana's eyes. "You always do."
They held each other's gaze for a bit until Rana averted her eyes and withdrew her hand from Kate's grasp. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come here."
Kate tried to pretend she didn't instantly miss the feeling of having Rana's hand in hers. "No, it's fine. I'm glad you're here. I've…I've missed you."
Rana looked up at Kate again, the vulnerability laced in her tone making her melt inwardly. "I've missed you too," she confessed. She placed her mug on the coffee table as she contemplated her next words. "I'm sorry that things turned out the way they did. If I could go back and change things…"
"Hey," Kate interjected, softly. "I'm the one who should be apologizing. I should have let you come out on your terms. Instead, I threw a fit and wasn't there for you when you needed me the most."
Kate reclaimed one of Rana's hands as she continued, her tone solemn. "I was so concerned with being your lover that I neglected to be a good friend. I'm so sorry, Rana. Please forgive me."
Rana kept her gaze trained on Kate as she felt her eyes begin to water. "Of course I forgive you," she said. "I love you."
Kate breathed a sigh of relief and smiled at her affectionately. "I love you too."
Rana smiled back and then groaned as tried to blink back her fresh tears. "Ugh, not again," she muttered.
Kate laughed at her grumbling and grabbed another tissue to wipe them away. "Don't worry, I read somewhere that crying is actually good for you. It helps relieve stress."
"Well, it seems like I've been crying for 5 years and I don't think I feel any better," Rana joked.
Kate nodded sadly and began stroking the back of Rana's hand with her thumb as she thought about everything that transpired in the last hour.
Rana took a sip of her tea and prodded Kate for answers when she noticed that she fell silent. "What is it?"
Kate gave her hand a quick squeeze before responding. "Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy you're here and that we've finally cleared the air a little bit, but you were pretty distraught earlier….was that about me? Or…."
Rana took a deep breath in an attempt to collect herself. "My parents…they know about me….about us."
Kate's eyes widened in surprise. "You told them?"
"No, they came round soon after I told Zee and he made me tell them what happened….then he told them it was you." Rana could barely keep herself together by the time she finished talking.
"Oh, Rana," Kate cooed, her voice full of sympathy. "God, I'm so sorry. That must've been terrifying. What did they say?"
Though Rana opened her mouth to speak, the only thing she could manage was a sob. Kate moved closer to where she was sitting and pulled her into another tight hug. "I'm so sorry this happened," she whispered.
They stayed that way for a long time; the warmth and closeness of the embrace making them reluctant to move.
Rana's phone eventually popped their little bubble when it buzzed with a notification. She grabbed it and furrowed her eyebrows when she read the message.
"Who is it?" Kate asked.
Rana typed out a message as spoke. "It's Imran."
Kate shifted to stretch herself out a bit. "Does he know?"
Rana placed her phone on the coffee table. "Yeah, he's the only one that hasn't made me feel like total crap."
"I'm glad," Kate smiled. "At least you have two people on your side."
Rana smiled back and slid her hand into Kate's again. "Yeah…thanks for being here for me tonight, by the way."
"You don't have to thank me."
"I do though," Rana said, pointing at a huge wet spot on Kate's shoulder. "I've practically slobbered all over your shirt."
Kate looked at the spot and laughed. "It's fine. There's no one else I'd rather have 'slobber' on me."
Rana rolled her eyes as she laughed along. "If you say so."
Kate gave her hand another reassuring squeeze and checked her wrist watch a few moments later. "It's getting late."
Rana's face dropped a bit at the observation. "Yeah…"
The change in Rana's expression prompted Kate to make a rash suggestion. "I'm not trying to chuck you out. You don't have to go…. you can stay here if you want." She shrugged nonchalantly as she finished speaking, trying to mask the hint of uncertainty in her voice.
Though she had no idea what was going on with Rana and Zeedan to this point, Kate knew that if Rana was back on her doorstep, then things could not have been going any better than when she last saw them together. And now that things were out in the open, Kate knew it was time to right her wrongs and fight for what she wanted. It was time to fight for what she knew they both wanted.
Rana frowned and tilted her head to one side as she briefly considered the offer. "I can't."
"Why not?" Kate countered. "Are you still trying to make things work with Zeedan?"
Rana closed her eyes for a moment as she tried to formulate a response. The last thing she wanted to do was drag Kate into her mess. "It's…complicated."
"What do you mean?" Kate asked, her curiosity increasing by the second.
Rana sighed as she struggled to respond. "It's…hard to talk about."
Kate furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. "You know you can tell me anything, right?"
"Yeah, of course." Rana said, visibly distracted as she checked the time on her phone. "I just…I need to go."
Kate watched with a concerned expression as Rana quickly gathered her belongings and made the move to leave. "When will I see you again?" she asked, now standing.
Rana spun away from the door to face her again upon hearing the question. She searched her eyes for a moment and then blew her a kiss. "Tomorrow. I promise."