"But I can." Magnus grinned. "Never doubt my weaseling abilities, Shadowhunter, for they are epic and memorable in their scope. I specifically enchanted the contract with the Inquisitor so that I could let you go for a short time if I desired, as long as another of the Nephilim was willing to take your place.
"Where are we going to find another –Oh," Alec said meekly. "You mean me."
City of Ashes, Chapter 8 – The Seelie Court
Alec watched the door close behind the Shadowhunter plus Simon party heading out on their way to the Seelie Court; without him. This mission is one he should be on, but how could he complain when it meant getting time alone with his boyfriend. Not the usual moments of hidden nights, but actual sanctioned time together. Everyone would know he was here, he could do what he wanted, and it didn't matter because he was supposed to be here; alone in the loft with his boyfriend. He felt a freeing sensation at being allowed this time; the only issue was how much time would they have. When would Jace return and ruin these moments with Magnus?
"Alec?" Alec turned to face Magnus. "Are you okay with being left behind?"
He did not know what to say, looking at him in that moment; Magnus had a strange look on his face and it made his stomach flip. It did not look like a happy look. What was he thinking? He didn't feel very strong in that moment with the look in Magnus' eyes. He took off his leather jacket, throwing it to his normal spot on the armchair, a lot of things were becoming normal for him around Magnus' apartment, and he found himself enjoying that normalcy.
"I get to spend time with you, why wouldn't I be okay?" He tried to keep his voice light, he did feel strange about being left behind, but it also felt nice to being left behind. Maybe that was why he felt strange; he was okay about being left behind; he thought to himself.
Magnus eyed him, keeping that look on his face. "A Shadowhunter being left out while all of his friends and family go on a possibly dangerous mission." He wanted Alec to be okay with the situation, but he also knew the heart of a Shadowhunter enough to know that he would not be that okay. Jace and his lack of concern also bothered him.
"Magnus," Alec moved in close to him. "I am okay with being left with you. To be honest, if it were at the Institute, I wouldn't be so happy about it. But oddly, I'm okay with being left out because I'm with you." He leaned up to him for a quick kiss, light and simple; nothing like what they have shared in the past lately. They had been running hot when alone, their time seemed always to be limited. If Alec would ever go public then they would get more time together, he just couldn't do it yet.
Magnus pulled back at the simple kiss, he couldn't kiss him right now, or he would be tempted for more. Their time right now was influx, Jace and party could pop back in at any moment. He would have loved to drag his Shadowhunter into his bedroom for some simple time; talking and cuddling, but if they were found out it, Alec would be upset. He would not be happy with that and Magnus was not okay with causing him undue stress. Did he want Alec to talk to his friends? Yes, he did, but it wouldn't do them any good to fight about it now.
"We should watch some TV." Magnus stepped further back from Alec. He was all glittery and intense in front of Jace, his usual confident self but being alone with Alec was different. He always wanted to take his feelings into account and that meant reminding himself that his Shadowhunter was most likely still in love with his parabatai, feelings that would not just disappear overnight of because he began dating someone else.
"You want to watch TV?" Alec frowned, this was not his Magnus. "That's what you want to do while we have alone time. Watch TV?"
"There is no telling when they will be back. It would be best to stay in plain sight and be 'normal.'" The word normal seemed to stick in his throat, they were anything but normal. He wanted Alec to see that; to get him to believe in them enough to at least talk to Jace about them.
Alec felt his insides freeze, was Magnus having second thoughts about them. "Magnus, I don't want to watch TV." He watched his warlock move around the coffee table to sit on the couch in the same spot he always sat, slightly off center so Alec could sit as close as he wanted to him. Something was obviously off and he was now on a mission of his own to figure it out. He followed him to the couch, taking his usual spot. "Talk to me." He finally said after what felt like minutes just staring at him, as Magnus sat staring ahead; staring at some fixed point on the wall across from them. Alec was not sure what could grab his attention, so he acted on his basic instinct, he put his hand on the opposite side of Magnus' face turning him to stare at him. "Talk to me. Not the wall."
"You sure are getting bold, Shadowhunter." Magnus held himself back from leaning in and kiss his boyfriend.
"Alexander."
"What?" Magnus searched his face; it instantly turned cold at Alec saying his own name. What was happening right now? Magnus didn't have an answer for his mental question but something was off with their groove. Just the other night he had woken up to Alec in his bed, he had shown up in the middle of the night and Magnus never woke up. He did have the enjoyment of watching Alec in his bed for a few minutes before he woke up, kissed him, and padded off to start the coffee. The smile he had for the entire day was a clear sign he was serious about Alec, and now when they had time together, they weren't very good at it. Maybe they were only good when no one knew they were together. That wasn't good.
"You call Jace and every other Shadowhunter by 'Shadowhunter,' rarely by name. Don't do that with me. I want you to call me by name; Alec or Alexander. " He removed his hand then. He didn't know how this night was supposed to go, but he did know this was not it. "Maybe we should watch TV." Alec sat straight on the couch, he had been turned towards his boyfriend, and now it didn't seem right.
"You hate Alexander." Magnus felt the need to point out. However, this was not helping the situation. He couldn't turn away from Alec then. He had to stare at him; he needed to be able to read him.
"Not when you say it."
The breathy words sent tingles down Magnus' spine; it was something for him, something not even Jace got to do. Alec still didn't look at him, and it made Magnus feel like an ass. He mentally kicked himself, what was he doing. He started in on Alec the second the Shadowhunters left. Magnus stood up in a flash, causing Alec to look at him finally. "Come with me." Magnus grabbed his wrist to drag Alec with him. Instead of taking Alec to his bedroom, he made a turn for the balcony. The glass doors seem to open before they got to them, magic, Alec was sure. Magnus pulled him to the railing, "Stand right here." He instructed. Magnus went around him then, in for a back hug. He didn't put his hands on Alec, taking them to the railing instead. He did lean his forehead on the back of Alec's shoulder.
Alec put both hands on the railing, just inside where Magnus left his. He could feel Magnus' short breaths on his back, through his shirt. His insides fluttered when he felt his lips. Magnus changed his position, kissing Alec's back. Alec moved his hands then to rest them on top of Magnus'; squeezing them. His kisses were making him hot, "What's wrong with us?"
Magnus took another minute to place another kiss on Alec's shoulder and another kiss; slightly off center. He went back to resting his forehead on Alec's shoulder so that they could talk. "Nothing's wrong with us. This is what relationships are. Always changing."
Alec turned keeping himself securely locked in Magnus' arm. "I'll always be okay with being left with you." He had to move Magnus' head so they could meet eye to eye. The seconds seemed to tick by, turning into minutes. The moonlight fell around them, Alec didn't want to leave this place, but he wanted more than just standing on the balcony. He had the sudden feeling of knowing exactly what he wanted from himself, and from Magnus. "I don't want to watch TV."
"Me either." Magnus smiled, they seemed back to right again.
Alec wrapped his arms around Magnus' neck, pulling on him to get him closer. He was always better with action over words. Words just tripped him up; they unbalanced him. Actions kept him solid. His entire life has been about action and movement, that is what he knows best. Alec moved in as close as he could to Magnus' face, just a breath away from their lips meeting. Magnus' breathed out; Alec breathed in; they shared the same air. "Can I kiss you?"
Magnus felt a verbal response wasn't needed, his hands came up on their own accord pressing into Alec's lower back, and one moving further to Alec's hair to crush Alec to him. Magnus swayed in his action and proceeded to stay balanced, pushing Alec's back hard against the balcony railing. Magnus smiled internally, Alec's grunt from the hit opened his mouth enough that Magnus could slip his tongue inside Alec's mouth which elicited a different type of grunt from him. Magnus forced Alec to use his tongue against him, getting another moan from him. Alec kept an arm around Magnus' neck but moved his other hand into his hair, which was black with neon blue tips mixed with his typical amount of glitter. The angle shift, Magnus was no longer content with just Alec's lips and went for his neck; he felt the insane need to mark him.
But he pushed himself back and out of Alec's arms in a flash. His need to mark Alec as he was followed by the thought of leaving it there to expose them when Jace and the gang returned. The malicious thoughts broke the crackle of the air he felt in that kiss and unnerved him. He couldn't do that to Alec, his Alexander. His heartbeat was beating out of his chest, never in his life had he ever wanted to mark someone, a practice he always enjoyed. It filled him with pleasure to know his lips made a public showing of his feelings.
Alec frowned, "Did I do something wrong?"
"No, never." Magnus couldn't breathe, the kiss mixed with his thoughts was enough to bring him to his knees.
"Then what-" Alec froze, he really wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer to his question.
Magnus moved so fast, reducing the distant he had just put between them. "We shouldn't-" They spoke at the same time, causing them to both stop at the same time.
Alec looked at him; he didn't know what to think when he wasn't even sure what happened.
Magnus felt honesty was the best policy. He couldn't hurt him, but he knew it wasn't going to be good. "I want more than we have now. So, it would be best not to go there."
"More?" Alec felt stupid. He wasn't sure what Magnus wanted from him, he could take a guess, but that had never stopped them from making out before.
He actually had to smile at his innocents, his breathing return to normal. "I want to mark you and make you mine but we can't. Too soon and not enough time." Maybe honesty wasn't the best policy so a slight version of the truth would be better. In pure Alec fashion, he was straightforward and asked the next question.
"What else?" Alec felt the change instantly before Magnus jumped back. Magnus was thinking about something that be didn't want to tell him; Alec had to know.
"I thought about marking you right where I always do, a hickey right on your neck. I want to even now, I do enjoy the little sounds you make when I do but-" Magnus proved his point by staring at the spot he usually latched onto, his favorite little spot in the very center of his neck matching the center point of his rune on the other side. "Then I thought I could do it and not magic it away. There would be a clear sign of our activities for all the other Shadowhunters including Jace to see on their return."
"Magnus-" Alec started off slow; he wished Magnus looked at him, but he was still staring at his neck.
"It wouldn't be fair to you. You don't want them to know and I have to respect that, but for just a moment I wanted to end our hidden relationship." Their eyes meant now, Magnus was a little surprised to see Alec's eyes turned a dark blue, either in lust or disgust he wasn't sure. "Very downworlder of me." He concluded.
"I wouldn't have stopped you."
"That's kind of the problem. I would have outed you and you were so lost in me, you would have let me."
"I think you give yourself too much credit; I wasn't lost enough not to know what you wanted to do. I was ready to let you." Alec wanted to let Magnus know he wasn't a bad person. Alec often found himself thinking he was the bad guy. How fair was he being to Magnus, forcing him to keep quiet? Sure, they went on dates both in the downworld and in the mundane world. But he wouldn't tell his closet friends, family, or his parabatai. How was he a good boyfriend if he wouldn't tell anyone close to him about Magnus?
"Yeah?" Magnus felt the break then, they were back to fighting. "Would you still be okay if I refused to remove the mark?"
Alec knew Magnus better than he thought, his warlock would never do anything to hurt him which included telling his friends and family before he was ready to tell them; he just had to prove it to Magnus. "I don't know. I guess we would have to do it to find out." The second the words left his mouth, Alec knew the mistake he made; this wasn't the right way to prove anything to either of them. This was the unbalance his words left him with. He meant them, every word but he wasn't prepared for what followed. Magnus was back in front of him, up close in his personal space.
"I guess we will." He kissed him then, walking forward to crush Alec against the railing again. This time he was prepared and didn't feel the pain. It was replaced by the pleasure of Magnus' hands in his hair, which were there just to hold him in place; Alec's messy black locks falling over his fingers.
Alec lied to himself and Magnus; he got lost in the moment. Running his hands through Magnus' hair always amazing him, they never got stuck or pulled and he knew how many hair products he used. He was able to make to the base of Magnus' neck; pulling at his hair and hard. Magnus pulled back and moved to the spot he was thinking about, that he was talking about. The perfect spot on Alec's neck, "Alexander, do you trust me?" he asked, his lips paused on his neck.
Alec had his head tipped back farther than usual, he focused on a spot on the side of his building, watching the light shining against the building from the moonlight night. "Yes." He didn't have to think twice, something in him trusted Magnus from day one and he didn't know why or question it.
"My Shadowhunter." Magnus smiled and did what he wanted, bit down on Alec's neck; just a gaze but enough for a moan. The pleasure he got from hearing Alec moan was sinful to his ears and sent tingles in all the right place. Alec involuntarily pulled Magnus against him when he returned to kissing him. Alec thought of a vampire for a moment, their pose it would be like what he had seen vampires drink their blood. Sensing a shift in his boyfriend, Magnus pulled back. He stepped out of Alec's embrace once again giving them a distance. "I've been thinking; I don't think Jace is coming back tonight."
Alec refocused on the spot he had been looking as before. "You had time to think?"
"What happened to not being that lost in the moment?" Magnus smirked, "Jace is free for the first time in a while, he is going to use all the time he can. Which means he won't be back for a while."
"He plans on just leaving me here?" Alec asked, he couldn't seem to look at Magnus at that moment, something about his own voice didn't sound right. Magnus was quiet too long, so Alec was forced to look at him, his strange expression from earlier had returned; he really wished he knew what it meant. "Magnus?"
"Will I always have to compete with Jace for your love?" Magnus stepped further back, "I was going to suggest moving this to my bedroom."
"I didn't mean it like that. I just meant that Jace would really think about himself more than his parabatai, but now that I say that it out loud, it does sound stupid. Jace never thinks, he just acts and sometimes thinks of Clary." Alec frowned at himself; he sounded selfish and irritated. He really wanted to leave now, he seemed like the only thing he could do right was kiss and that wasn't healthy. He wanted to leave but he couldn't so he chose the next best thing and left Magnus on the balcony. He went into the bathroom and slid down the door to sit on the floor. Panic was welling up in him. He couldn't do this; it wasn't fair to Magnus and Magnus deserved better. He hated his insecurities; they were what was holding himself back. Alec sighed, Magnus was right, Jace was going to leave him here. Hiding in the bathroom was not a good idea, but what else was his choice, he couldn't leave and he didn't want to see Magnus. He finally knew what the strange look on Magnus' face was, hurt. Alec pulled out his phone from his back pocket finally remembering that he had it, there were no messages or missed calls. Jace was defiantly going to leave him here all night. He was going to be stuck in hiding all night because he was insecure and didn't want to watch the hurt looks to continue to cross his boyfriend's face. He had to breathe and think straight.
"Alec?"
Magnus' knock vibrated on the door he was leaning on. "Yeah?" He felt the shake in him. He wasn't good at this relationship, why was Magnus even trying. Alec knew what he had to do, he had to tell his family about himself and Magnus, or he would never get over this insecurity and fear he had. It was bottled up in him and he had to either tell his family or break up with Magnus.
"Alexander, come out."
He had to; hiding wasn't right for them. Alec stood up, slowly, taking a deep breath as he opened the door. The deep breathing was to help him calm down, but it didn't work. "Yeah?"
"It's late, let's go to bed." Magnus reached for him, but Alec stepped back.
"I'll sleep on the couch."
"No, I already told you, you aren't allowed on my couch." Magnus stepped forward while Alec stepped back, meeting him step for step, matching one another. "Stop, walking away from me." He finally got his chance and pulled him hard against him. "I'm being needy, let's go to bed." Alec wasn't even allowed a breath before Magnus was pulling him; out of the bathroom and into his bedroom. "I'm not stupid, you know. I've been around long enough to know that. I know falling out of love with someone takes time. You are not going to be over your long-time feelings for Jace overnight, especially since I'm your first real relationship and it's only been weeks. It's not fair for you and I shouldn't expect that. You might be an adult but you are still innocent and coming out is a big deal, announcing your dating a downworlder is an even bigger deal."
"Magnus, I wish I could be ready for that step but I'm not and I don't know when I will be." Alec pleaded.
The sound of Alec's voice was breaking to Magnus. "I know. I shouldn't have said what I did; it was wrong of me. I enjoy what we have and I want to keep it."
"I like you." Alec blurted out. "I like you and I like being with you. I feel like we had so many options for tonight and I wasted them."
Magnus was quick to cut in; he didn't want Alec to think anything was his fault. Their night wasn't wasted. They got to spend it together and they were going to continue being together, nothing was wasted. "We didn't waste them; we just did more talking than kissing. Which isn't always a bad thing." Magnus pulled him even closer if that was possible. Alec could feel him all over; his smell was intoxicating. "Talking is healthy, we just took a little longer to talk about what was bothering me."
"Does Jace bother you that much?" Alec shook his head, trying to pull back from his senses going into overdrive. "Why did you let him live here?"
"Jace does bother me. His actions and lack of thought for you bothers me. I let him live here because of you. You care for him." Magnus sighed, bringing his head close to Alec. "He also bothers me because I want you to feel for me the same way you feel for him."
"Felt." Alec tried to look Magnus in the eyes, "You're right. I've had feelings for Jace for a long time, but the more time I spend with you in an actual relationship, I realize those feelings are fading into what they should have been the whole time; along with my duty to him as my parabatai. What I feel for you is different, I enjoy learning from you, being with you, kissing you." The smile in Magnus' eye made Alec smiled back. "This issue we have isn't going to fix itself tonight."
"No, it's not." Magnus agreed, "But that's what makes our relationship work. It wouldn't be fun if we were too fluffy all the time. We are at two different levels when it comes to experience, but that's what makes this fun. We learn from each other, makes us equal." Magnus had finally stepped back so they could continue their walk to his bedroom. Once in the room, he shut the door. He liked the idea of being behind closed doors.
"This is fun? Fighting?" Alec didn't understand.
"Alexander," Magnus continued to pull Alec into the room, twisting him, so Alec's back was at the edge of the bed, "Here's a good learning moment from me to you." Magnus shoved him hard, the back Alec's knees hit the edge of the bed; he lost his balance going backward to lay on the bed. "It isn't the fighting that's fun; it's the making up."
The End.