A/N: I am so sorry, guys! The first one that was posted was missing key info... and my favourite sequence in this entire thing! So I reposted it to include the (what I think is anyway) good stuff!!
Summary: AU / AH. Alice throws a Halloween party and invites her friends to the festivities. Oneshot. NO PAIRINGS!
Warnings: Some mild language.
BELLA POV
My back was still aching from the game the previous evening and my feet were sore from being completely frozen for a good deal of time after the halftime show. Tradition demands that all seniors remove their shoes on the field during the halftime show on Senior Night. So all seniors, including myself and most of my friends, were susceptible to trench foot after halftime, based solely on the simple fact that it had been raining nonstop in the past week and the field was a soaked sponge covered in muck. And we marched in it, in socks. Flipping freezing. I had an extra amount of pain to add to the festivities of senior night. I, notorious for back problems, had a rather harsh spasm during the show. In the first of five movements, I might add. And I, being a senior, and therefore a marcher of extreme dedication, continued to march with proper technique and hiss at the underclassmen who did not. Quite a wonderful show, I was going to miss the fun of football games while being in marching band.
However, that was yesterday and today, ironically, is today. It was six days before Halloween, and Alice was having a party today as not to interfere with the other parties on the actual day. I was ordered to her house promptly at 1:00 P.M., so she could make sure my costume was reasonable and my makeup was properly elaborate. Rosalie, our other best friend, was going to come to Alice's at two-thirty… Alice trusted Rose. So, at 1:12, I stood on Alice's doorstep next to Christopher, her favourite of all Halloween decorations, a vampire-like creature to rival the horror of Dracula, holding a cross and snarling at passersby.
"Hello, Christopher. How are you today?" I asked the terrifying creature. I imagined his answer would be polite and sincere, something along the lines of 'Quite well, Miss Bella. And may I ask how you are doing today?' So I decided to answer such a polite question. "I am quite well, thank you for asking, Christopher. I must ask you though; the very irony of your politeness is interesting. How is it you can manage such propriety while you grimace in such an abominable fashion?" I hadn't yet noticed that the door stood ajar, while Alice occupied the space, staring at me in utter disbelief. I did think that such a statement might possibly offend Christopher, and his response would be less than warm. 'I am able to do such things because propriety insists on polite manner while speaking to a lady, Miss Swan.' He might say. An extended response for such a short temper. "I do apologise, Christopher-" At this point Christopher would surely cut me off and insist I use his surname. "Mr. … I'm sorry, Chris. I don't know your last name."
"Could you perhaps stop talking to the Halloween statue for a moment?" Alice said. I snapped my head up and looked at her. She was wearing her pajamas. "We have work to do." I grimaced, but entered.
"Can't it wait? It's just after one. The party starts at four. There must be time to simply relax." I complained.
"Stop whining. We're cooking." Alice said, leading me to the kitchen.
"Alice, I'm not so sure that's a good idea. The last thing I cooked could have passed for the Loch monster."
"Shut up and come stir the yeast." Alice said in a voice that ended the conversation.
--
"I can't believe you ruined such a simple task! I asked you to break two eggs into the bowl… and I leave for a second only to return to you holding chili powder like it's a bomb. Why are you even touching the chili powder, Bella? It's not even part of the ingredients for anything we're cooking!" Alice shouted at me as I stood, brandishing chili powder while my nose was smeared with egg. "And what is on your nose, Bella? You are so messy!" Alice scolded as she took the chili powder from my grasp and returned it to its rightful place in the cabinet.
"Egg yolk." I said softly, ashamed at my inability to do anything right. "I'm sorry, Alice."
"Never mind that." She said. "Hey, you want to watch some 'House'?" I laughed and nodded.
"Yes, please!" I shouted like a seven year old.
"Okay, go downstairs and fetch it from my room. It's on the top of my television. Can you handle that withouth smudging your nose?"
"I think so." I giggled in anticipation of watching my favourite television show. Dr. Wilson was my favourite. None of my friends shared my sentiment, they all actually preferred House of Chase… but I liked Wilson best.
I began to feel slightly lightheaded as I descended the stairs, but I pushed the dizzy feeling away. Alice's father, Carlisle, was standing at the bottom of the stairs, setting up the basement for the party.
"Hello, Bella." Carlisle said politely.
"Hey, Mr. Cullen." I said.
"What are you doing down here, Bella?" Carlisle asked kindly, that being his nature and what not.
"I am fetching 'House' so we can watch it upstairs." I said.
"Are you feeling quite well, Bella?" Carlisle asked me. "You look a little pale."
"I am fine." I said. I turned to walk into Alice's room, but the dizziness was no longer ignorable. It covered my eyes like a blindfold. I slipped to the side, and I felt something hard connect with my head, knocking me back on my rear, and I slumped until I was lying on the floor.
"Bella?" I could hear Carlisle say in a panicked voice. "Bella, can you hear me?" I nodded my head. My left eyebrow was throbbing. "Bella, I need you to answer me." I guess my head nod wasn't noticeable enough, so I cleared my throat.
"Yeah, Mr. Cullen, I hear you quite well." I giggled. Suddenly everything was very funny. The situation. The pain in my eyebrow. The ceiling tiles. All completely hilarious.
"Are you okay? What happened?" Carlisle didn't sound convinced of my wellness by my laughter.
"I hit my head." I giggled. "I don't know why you're so concerned, Mr. Cullen. It is me we're talking about." Carlisle laughed and nodded at my statement.
"I guess we should be used to it by now." Carlisle helped me up. He helped me back up the stairs after I fetched 'House: Season 3', as well.
"What happened?" Alice looked alarmed and very annoyed. "I sent you down there at least five minutes ago." I giggled at her concern.
"I fell." Alice looked at me for a long moment.
"Of course you did. Sit. Try not to fall out of the chair." She said. I laughed harder. Both Carlisle and Alice chuckled at my display. I couldn't seem to stop laughing, even for a moment.
--
Rosalie arrived at two-thirty, sporting a sexy pirate wench costume. She had smoky eye makeup and her hair looked slightly disheveled. Alice and I whistled at her. Rose did a spin and winked before we burst into laughter and enveloped her in a group hug.
"Oh my stars, you are one sexy pirate!" Alice said. Rose laughed.
"Why, thank you, m'dear."
--
"Please explain to me what the hell this is meant to be." Alice said as she pulled the blue fabric from its hiding place, my bag.
"That would be my Halloween costume." I said proudly, snatching it from her grasp.
"What happened to Peter Pan?" Rose asked me. I looked at her sheepishly.
"I couldn't find a non-hooker Peter Pan costume." Alice smirked at me.
"So you chose to be a geisha?" she asked. I noted the sarcasm in her voice and batted my eyelashes.
"Well, at least now I can demand payment." I giggled. Alice rolled her eyes and pushed me into the bathroom.
"Go. Change. We'll be in to do your hooker geisha makeup in a couple of minutes." Alice chirped and darted off to her room, dragging Rosalie behind her.
--
"I do not enjoy this." I said, twenty minutes later. I had squeezed myself into my costume and now Alice and Rosalie were attacking my face with war paint.
"You have to look like a proper geisha." Alice said. "Now stop pouting, you'll ruin the makeup." I groaned. Stupid makeup. Stupid geisha costume. It was so awful. I couldn't breathe because of the silly ribbon tied around my waist and now Alice was shoving white pigeon poop up my nose. Rosalie was perfecting the eyebrows with black pigeon poop. Suddenly, the white pigeon poop went too far and my body reacted loudly and full of protest. I sneezed. It wasn't a huge, earth-shattering sneeze. It just jerked my head in such a direction that the black eyebrow makeup smeared meanacingly in the white poo that was occupying the space of my eyelid.
"Whoops." I said. Alice growled at me.
"You ruined EVERYTHING!" she wailed at me. Her face turned all splotchy and steam started rolling out of her ears.
"Let's just make her a dead geisha." Rosalie piqued up. Alice stopped steaming.
"Alright." Alice grabbed my face and reloaded on the blue and grey makeup. "We'll make her dead."
--
Forty-seven minutes, thirty-six seconds, and too many even layers of pigeon poop later, I was released from the bathroom. Outside of the hell-hole, there was a vampire and a guy sporting a head wound. "Good God, who killed the hooker?" the head wound guy shouted.
"Emmett!" I laughed and jumped into his big, bear hug arms. "What's up? How's college? What have you been-" I cut off, unable to continue due to the fact that I couldn't breathe. "Emm- too tight." I struggled. Emmett laughed at me.
"I'm good. College is fine. I've been sleeping around and gathering STDs, of course!" he said. I laughed. It was good to see my old friend.
"Oh, now. I feel like chopped liver, thanks." the vampire said.
"You are chopped liver, Jas." Emmett said. I disentangled myself from Emmett and turned to Jasper.
"Hi Jasper!" I said, waving like a lunatic, with a creepy cheery look on my face.
"Hi Bella!" Jasper said, waving like a lunatic, with a creepy cheery look on my face.
"You both look like a pair of freaks." Alice said.
Ding-Dong. Alice's doorbell rang loudly.
"Let the party begin!" Emmett said to me as Alice raced to the door.
--
Everyone finally arrived around four-thirty while we were watching 'The Nightmare Before Christmas'. The costumes and characters were specific as follows: Alice was a fairy, Rosalie was a sexy pirate wench, Jasper was a vampire, Emmett was a vampire victim, Edward was a vampire slayer, Jacob was a werewolf, Angela was a bride, Leah was a dead monk, Jessica was a Renaissance Darling, and I was a dead geisha. We were all laughing and eating a load of candy, and singing the songs of Jack and Sally. Real fun. Finally, Mike arrived as a mugged individual and we all started the real party, Alice tossing in a movie that everyone would enjoy... or need to wash their eyes out with soap after... one or the other.
The movie started as most other scary movies, with a wedding. Then a boy and a girl that were dating decided to get married... then they got lost. Classic scary movie, really. The movie was terrifying for some of our group. Emmett thoroughly enjoyed the entire picture, and at one point joined in the infamous dance scene for our enjoyment. Jacob loved it, as did Leah. Alice and I were giggling the entire show. However, Jasper, Jessica, Rosalie, Angela, Mike, and Edward were truly terrified. But they pushed it aside at one crucial point and joined in the festivities...
"It's just a jump to the left
And a step to the right
Put your hands on your hips (HIPS)
And pull your knees in tight
Now do the pelvic thrust
It'll drive you insa-a-a-ane.
LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN!"
We all shouted the last line as we danced around the room, thrusting our pelvices and putting our hands on our hips, laughing as our poor coordination had us falling on each other.
--
After we watched Rocky Horror, we were a little... wound up. So instead of putting in another movie, we decided to watch Comedy Central. It was The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. Quite hilarious. However, the only ones paying attention were Jessica and Mike. Being a geisha allowed me to have a fan, which was quite good for fanning things, and perhaps hiding behind when embarassed. Only I never used it to fan anything. I used it as a weapon of rear-ended distruction. Edward, being a vampire slayer, had a crossbow made of planks of wood, which was used for a weapon of insertion. Together, we formed an alliance against Emmett and Jasper. Leah joined our Alliance at some point, and by joining, added a cross to our weaponry. We spent a good part of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart chasing Emmett around the basement brandishing a cross, a crossbow, and a geisha fan. Alice had gone upstairs to get the late-night pizza and ice cream, and when she came down, she was greeted with Emmett screaming like a girl and myself and Edward chasing him waving our weapons and shouting in foreign languages. It sounded something quite like this:
Emmett: AAAAAAHHHH!
Edward: Guonomi un e cavarra! Guonomi un e cavarra!
Leah: Hit 'em again! Hit 'em again! Harder! Harder!
Me: Plecare un messaj! Plecare! Da! PLECARE!!!
Of course, translated, it would be something close to this:
Emmett: AAAAAAHHHH!
Edward: Men and horse! Men and horse!
Leah: Hit 'em again! Hit 'em again! Harder! Harder!
Me: Leave a message! Leave! Yes! LEAVE!!!
Alice, being Alice, didn't respond to either the international relations nor the chasing of Emmett. In fact, she came down at such an opportune time of Edward catching Emmett in the rear as Edward fell, and the jab looked as if it did, in fact, insert.
"Bloody hell! That one hurt!" Emmett's voice cracked an octave on the word hurt, allowing all of us a moment of laughing at him for his horomones.
"WHAT is going on?!" Alice shouted, and everyone froze where they were... Emmett clutching his backside, Edward on the ground with his hand in the air and his crossbow in Emmett's backside, Leah by the stairs, trying not to fall over from laughing so hard, and myself with my fan over my head in mid-swing. "WHY is Edward's crossbow in Emmett's ass?" Alice said angrily. We all burst into embarassed giggles. "Sit down in a bloody circle. We're going to have quiet time." We all sat down in, after some instruction, a quasi-circle. Alice pointed at Emmett. "Explain." she said in her deadly, I'm-dealing-with-stupid-children-voice.
"They were smacking my bottom!" Emmett said, wailing like a four year old. We all laughed. Alice growled.
"Why were you smacking his bottom, Edward?" she said. Edward looked up, too innocent.
"I wasn't smacking Emmett's bottom, Alice." Edward said, his voice thick with laughter.
"You were probing my ass!" Emmett cried. We all lost it at that point, rolling over each other laughing so hard. It was difficult to breathe.
Eventually we all settled down enough that we were able to leave the circle if we promised to stay calm. Alice's evil eye was one that nobody wanted to double cross, so we made a pact to be mellow for the rest of the night, at least.
--
We watched Sweeney Todd and White Chicks before everyone had to go home. Alice and I had to excuse ourselves during Sweeney Todd to bring out the caramel apples and also because we couldn't stop laughing. The fake blood was very hilarious. During A Little Priest, we all paired off to sing the duet and waltz. Jacob and Alice led the dancing and singing with their exceptionally wonderful voices. White Chicks was the best way to end the night. It was straight up comedy that everyone could laugh to.
The next morning I woke up on Alice's couch, with the worst candy hangover I had ever experienced. But, consequently, it was worth it for all the fun we had.
--
A/N: So true story, different names. Let me know what you think in a review! Really, the button is right over there... it's all pretty... just push it... cause Frankie told you to. lol. Rocky Horror. That was the first time I saw it... it was SO AWESOME! But, unfortunately, we didn't have any toast or newspapers. We used our plates from dinner, though. It was so fun.
There's this new rule... if you read you have to review. You can't leave this page until you click the lavender button and send me a review. Otherwise the review police will track you down and... do something... not... nice. Yeah. So review for your sake!!