Love and War

Chapter 1

Optics

My eyes grazed the page before me. The words that had been mercilessly jotted down laced together the perfect poem. Such beauty in disgust, it was unusual for me to admire, yet somehow I do.

"Bella, are you ready?" Edward's voice was hard. He had grown concerned over me in the recent months, and I had grown distant. Our relationship was breaking. Ever since he left me, my whole being had been altered, and when he returned things were not the same. I do not understand why he would expect them to be, the pain he feels was crafted within his own hands.

"Yes. But before we go, would you care to read this?" I ask, handing him the paper.

He glanced at me, giving a small smile before reading. I watched in total scrutiny.

"It's wonderful sweetheart." A smile broke across his stone face. "Very poetic" He added a second later. I nod in response, swiftly removing it from his grip. Gently, I place it in my book of writings.

"Shall we go then?" He nods and wraps his arms around me. I flinch away. He looks hurt but resigns from the embrace. He had been trying so hard that I honestly felt sorry for him. I sincerely doubt he would, if ever win my affection back. When he left me nothing was the same.

We take off down the road. Silence clouds the car in thick animosity and discomfort. Edward glowers ahead in frustration as I quietly stare through the window, listening to the soft buzz of the radio. I hear nothing of interest so I zone out and get lost within the blur of green stretching down the secluded drive.

"We are here." Edward states. Before I have time to reply he was outside, holding the door open for me like a gentlemen. I give a small, tired smile.

"Thank you." I say and walk on.

It is true that my heart no longer belongs to Edward, and for weeks I contemplated if we should continue. Still, I have not got an answer. I am near certain that Edward already acknowledges that this is the end to our relations, and I believe his family sense it too. I have been resigning more and more from him, and it is killing them to watch. If I do not end things, it is for sure that Edward will.

"Bella!" Alice bounces over to my frozen physique and cuddles my small bony frame tightly.

"Alice." I smile and hug her back. She steps back and looks into my eyes, yet I saw no emotion. Guarded, it seems. I do not understand why.

"We are going to be leaving soon, are you sure your okay staying with Jasper?" I frown.

"I don't mind staying with Jasper, but is this really necessary? I am quite sure I'd be safe in my own home..." Alice shakes her head.

"That is true – but is it worth the risk? I don't want to take any chances of you getting hurt. Your well being is what matters most to me Bella." Edward cuts in. I groan and give a nod, falling down upon the sofa.

Everyone, excluding Jasper and myself were going to Alaska this weekend to visit Tanya's family. It was Carmen's 250th birthday celebration. Jasper doesn't get on well with Eleazer, and decided it would be wise if he remained home this time. Edward is still paranoid about my safety, so now Jasper is babysitting me and if I am totally honest I feel really, really bad for him.

I'm a little nervous, Jasper and I have a strained relationship ever since he tried to murder me and I haven't really been around him often. Let's hope this week we can bond and eliminate the awkward between us.

"Okay Bella, Jasper is upstairs, if you need anything ask him. We will call and see how things are going, and if you are worried about anything, please phone me." I know the last part was aimed at Jasper, 'If you concerned that Jasper is about to ruthlessly murder you, please give me a phone'

Alice says it's just being safe

I say its lack of trust in her husband.

Maybe they should get marriage counselling. This thought amuses me

Edward leans down and kisses me on the forehead. I let him do it and didn't cringe away. One kiss won't kill me, right?

"I love you sweetheart. I'll call you later on tonight. Have fun." I smile at him.

"You too." I say, and see them to the door.

I return to the sofa and lay there in sorrow. I was tired but I didn't want to sleep. I just wanted to go home and be out of this whole situation. Edward is draining me.

"How much longer will it go on?" I jump up, startled to see Jasper hovering by the doorway.

"Oh...hey...what do you mean?" I ask.

"Pretending to love Edward when, clearly, you don't." I blink at him, unable to think of words.

"Uh..." I mutter.

"Don't lie to me, I know your emotions Isabella." I swallow and sit up straight, turning to the wall, I stare.

"I don't know Jasper. I'm sorry I no longer love your brother. But when he left me...I don't know. Things just weren't and aren't the same." I let my head fall. Jasper walks over to the sofa. He sits next to me.

"You have nothing to apologise for Bella. What Edward did to you is unforgivable. I partly blame myself – partly. It was not my decision to leave, it was his. I had a moment of weakness and you have forgiven me, Edward has yet too." I look up.

"Edward hasn't forgiven you?" He shakes his head.

"No. "

I sigh.

"I don't expect you to understand because you haven't been in this situation. But this whole thing is just becoming too much...No, I do not love Edward. I see him for what he truly is now...I dislike it. We share no interests. Nothing."

"Understanding is my speciality Bella. I think I can relate more than you think. I too am having doubts about Alice, lately she has been guarded and shut off, my feelings for her are dying. I have been thinking that, perhaps it is time I move on." My head snaps to him.

"Move on? What? Alice? I...oh wow. I am sorry Jasper. Why? You love Alice.."

"Loved is the proper term. And no, ever since the incident at your birthday I have been looked on as a failure. Alice is ashamed of what I did which angers me, I am a Vampire and it is in my nature to react how I did. They see me as weak and deny what they are. I apologised and apologised and the guilt I felt remained for months, it still lingers as a constant reminder of my vulnerability. I was never forgiven, from anyone but you." Jasper smiled and I grimaced.

"I can't believe how they could all be so heartless." Jasper shrugged.

"They may be vampires, but they are people. People are cruel and don't understand. I never expect them to forgive me. And that is why I feel I must go."

I glare in shock. Moments pass in silence and Jasper watches me in scrutiny.

"Where will you go?" I finally ask.

Jasper stands and walks over to the door way. Shrugging, he looks at me.

"Anywhere but here. It's late Bella, and you are tired. You need to sleep."

I try in vain to collect my thoughts but a part of me felt envy. I couldn't believe what has happened with Jasper and this family, the thought made me angry. How they could look down upon their own brother, son and friend because of one tiny slip up I had already forgiven him for.

The optics of life had transformed around both of us, we see them all through clear glass and hesitance. Who knew that fate could bend in such ways that were unexpected and loose?

"Wait, Jasper." I stand and stare at him.

"Yes?" He raises his eyebrows.

"Can I go with you?"

A/N: Thoughts? I actually wrote this last year and forgot about it...should I continue?