Disclaimer: Remus married Tonks in the books. So obviously the books are not mine.
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Casting Patronus
Remus woke up with the noises of people moving around.
"Not here!" said a familiar voice "I'm here!"
"Ouch!"
"Quiet!" Remus said, his voice hoarse from sleeping. He tried to see who was in there with him – he had been alone when he had entered in the compartment and fallen asleep before the train had left the Platform Nine and Three Quarters – but it was too dark, the lights must had went down. "Stay where you are."
He got up and conjured some flames to illuminate and was able to see this time who had woke him up.
Well, of course they were students. But some faces were so familiar...
One of them must be a Longbotton, his face just like his mother's... two gingers with the precise same hair colour than Molly Weasley and...James?
No, of course it wasn't James, he admitted as he made a double take, his heart sinking with grief once more, but apparently Harry did look just like him.
But now was not the time to mourn into the past, he could do that later over the year he would spent as these child teacher, so Remus shifted his gaze from them and moved for the door, which opened before he could get there.
Remus stepped back as a Dementor walked in the compartment and started to suck.
The train compartment got colder than before, the Weasley girl started to shake madly and Harry fell onto the ground, twitching.
Remus stepped over him and turned to the Dementor, trying to keep the memories it was conjuring in his mind away.
'I'm sorry, Remus...They're all dead. Sirius betrayed us.'
"None of us is hiding Sirius Black under our cloaks. Go."
It didn't go away so Remus tried to a happy memory to cast the Patronus charm.
"Expecto patronum." He muttered quietly, hoping the memory he had picked had been enough.
A silvery, shapeless, patronus came out of the tip of his wand and forced the Dementor away.
The lights returned and the train started to move again.
Instantly the Weasley boy and the girl Remus hadn't been able to recognise kneeled before Harry, tapping him.
"Harry!"
"Harry! Harry! Are you alright?"
"W-what?" Harry opened his eyes and put his glasses back on.
They helped him sit again, as Remus watched the scene quietly, happy to know that Harry had people who cared about him around.
"Are you ok?" the ginger asked.
"Yeah. What happened? Where's that – that thing? Who screamed?"
"No one screamed."
"But I heard screaming –"
Remus tried not to gulp nor guess whose scream Harry had heard and took a slab of chocolate out of his case and broke it into pieces.
"Here," he gave to Harry one of the largest ones "Eat it. It will help."
Remus looked at him while the boy grabbed the chocolate but didn't eat it. Now he could see the differences between him and James – James had a healthier look by his age and wasn't so pale; Harry's nose was slightly different and his eyes...he had Lily's kind and soft eyes.
But still, looking at him was like looking at James in so many ways. His voice and messed hair, the height at that age and...
"What was that thing?" Harry asked, pulling him out of his thoughts.
Remus turned around to hand the other kids chocolate too and to keep his mind of the haunting memories the boy was awakening in him. "A Dementor. One of the Dementors of Azkaban."
He pulled the now empty wrapper in his pocket, unconsciously lamenting that there wasn't any part left for him.
They were all looking at him, still with the chocolates in hand.
"Eat. It'll help. I need to speak with the driver, excuse me..."
Remus quickly went to the corridor and closed the door behind him. He leaned his back against the wall next to it, still able to hear what was going on the inside.
"Are you sure you're ok, Harry?"
Remus moved from the spot, needing to get away from the kids for a moment.
He hadn't been ready to see him.
Of course Remus knew he was going to see him, but not this early, not when a Dementor came in and forced him to remember...
Remus took a deep breath and walked through the corridor, but had ne not given five steps when someone walked to him.
"Ah, Lupin, I wondered where had you been."
"Good day to you too, Severus. When was the last time we saw each other...?"
"I believe it was when I went to Dumbledore, requesting for you not to be allowed to teach here." Snape stopped in front of him.
"Oh, you're right. Well, I was about to see the driver, care to join me?"
Severus sent him a wondering look and turned around, so they would walk side by side.
"Something on your mind, Lupin?"
"You know who went to the compartment I was in? Harry."
"He's just like his father, isn't he?" Severus sneered.
"He does remind me of him...doesn't it hurt, Severus?"
"While I admit he is a pain in the ass, I don't think it was that what you meant."
"Don't you see him? Them? Every time you look at the boy...don't you see his parents?"
"It's like a living proof, mocking me all the time that she..." he stopped talking abruptly, fastening his steps.
"She cared about you, you know. Even when you stopped talking to each other." Remus said softly, catching up to him "But we diverted from what was on my mind."
"Did we? So what is it?" he said in a masked tone.
"The Dementors."
"Ah."
"Yes. Did you have to face them too?"
"I did."
"Could you...could you cast a corporal patronus?"
Severus stopped walking and turned to him. "You couldn't?"
"No...not anymore, it seems." Remus stopped too "Well, it isn't as if I had been casting patronus from a long time, in fact, if I remember correctly, not since the first war...back then it was corporal..."
"A wolf? Or a big dog, wasn't it?"
"Quite ironic, isn't it? It was a dog. I think...it proved hard to find a good memory, it feels like all my happy moments in life are tainted with death and betrayal..."
"I can say the same..."
"But you still casted your doe, didn't you?"
"I did."
"How? I..." he brought a hand to his face and rubbed it "my life has been empty these years, just struggling to find a job or have a place to live and food to survive...I...how can my last happy moment happened thirteen years ago?"
"Lupin, I really don't want to hear about how sad your life is...So, make it simple, what did you usually think of when casting a patronus?"
Remus turned his head to the window "Sirius..."
"What made him more special than Potter or Pettigrew to you? Don't tell me the rumours were right and the two of you..."
Remus blushed.
Severus shook his head "All the more reasons for you not to be allowed in Hogwarts, especially since he escaped. Did you try to think of him anyways?"
"H-He betrayed me! Betrayed everyone! How can I think of him without..."
But that was a lie, and both knew it.
"I refuse to use him as my happy thought and...if I try to think of anyone else...they're all dead, Severus."
Severus sneered at him and sighed "Look, Lupin, here's what you should do: just think of a happy moment at school with...Potter or Pettigrew or L-Lilly. Before all happened."
"Is that what you do?" Remus turned his head to him again.
Snape just started walking again "We'll be at Hogwarts in ten minutes." He said without turning around to look at him "Just go back to where you were and don't think about him."
Remus nodded at him, even if knowing the other couldn't see it, and returned to the compartment he had been and so unable to follow the Slytherin's last advice.
How could he not think about the Marauders – Sirius – when he was entering in the same compartment they used to sit when students and when Harry was in there, reminding him...
He entered anyways and looked around, making a small smile. "I haven't poisoned that chocolate, you know..."
He sat down and his smiled grew just the slightness as Harry bit into the chocolate and gained a warmer look, reminding Remus even more of his father.
He could just picture James where his son sat now, grinning wickedly in his direction, Peter sitting where Longbotton was, making sure he hadn't forgotten a thing at home and Sirius throwing himself on the place next to Remus as he put a not so casually arm around his shoulders and adjusted in his seat so they would be touching from shoulder to toe.
"This is going to be a great year, right, Moony?"
"Why do I have the feeling that that's not going to be a good thing, Sirius?"
"You should have more trust on me, Remus...Do you hear that? That's the sound of my heart breaking into tiny little pieces..."
"There, there, Padfoot, I'm sure I'll never be able to forget this year..."
"Messer Wormtail would like to add that that still doesn't mean it will be a good year..."
"And Messer Prongs would like to request that Messer Padfoot saved the cuddling with Messer Moony until they're hidden behind one's bed curtains..."
"And use a Silent Charm."
"And warn us before you try anything more than that."
"And..."
"Hey! Messer Padfoot liked to finish by saying that even if he loves you guys, you don't mess with Cuddling Time with Messer Moony. And that this year will be epic."
"I still don't like the sound of that..."
"Moony!"
"We'll be at Hogwarts in ten minutes." Remus returned to the present "Are you alright, Harry?"
"Fine." he said in the exactly same tone James used to use when Lily turned him down once again.
This sure was going to be a year to remember.
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Okay, my dear Sirius/Remus readers, care to let me explain?
I had an idea to write about this since I noticed that Remus's patronus is shapeless in the third book but only had it as that – an idea.
While I knew how to begin and all that some things had to be changed – I had planned to have Remus and Snape's conversation moths later at Hogwarts and perhaps add a bit of pre-Snupin...but with clear hints of Sirius/Remus. Then I changed it to them talking in the train and then I noticed the lack of Sirius/Remus in it and...we can't just have that, can we? xD
But alas, the real reason I posted this was because I noticed that I didn't post Sirius/Remus fics since the summer (even if I promised an Halloween fic for the puppies – and I do have it...in my mind xD) and I wanted to let you guys know that I am still writing Sirius/Remus...but it's a multi-chap fic (that is most likely to be also for Remus and Sirius Big Bang, at livejournal) but I wanted to finish it before posting it (I already have two chapters so... xD)
Happy New Year, everyone (well, here it will be new year in...23 hours and 30 minutes, but still xD)