Title: Angel Gabriel
Rating: T
Pairing: Jean/Logan
Summary: Set after X-Men 3: The Last Stand. This is set as if jean had not become the Phoenix, the Professor and Scott are still alive but tragedy struck in the final battle between Human's and Mutants. Jean wonders if it was all worth it after all and if she can carry on leading the life she is living.
Status of fic: One-Shot
Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men or any of its characters. The Song lyrics in this story to not belong to me.
It wasn't very often that one of the X-Men was lost in battle. It had become a surprise to them all, especially because it was Logan. The man who could not die had been defeated- and all it took was a needle containing the "miraculous" cure. None of them was sure how it had happened. Jean had noticed in the battle that she couldn't see him fighting- he was normally the first to defend the younger X-Men, still thinking of them as the young teenagers they had been when he first arrived at the Mansion. He had always wanted to protect her too, she had never known why.
After the battle, among the bodies of mutants and humans alike they found him. Covered in blood and wounds. Someone had done this to him- wanting him out of this life forever. He had still been alive when they found him- just. When they had got him back to the mansion he was still holding on. Jean had sat with him for hours, watching him fading in and out of consciousness. Hearing his incoherent whimpering as the unstoppable fever took over his body. She knew the wounds he had were probably fatal, a normal human would not be able to deal with them; and that was what he was now, a normal human with a metal skeleton. The Professor had told her it was probably best to let him go and turn off the machines that were keeping him alive. Jean refused- he was still alive, sometimes he was awake, and she couldn't bring herself to do it. Even though Logan was suffering she couldn't help him die. It would feel like she was killing him.
He had grown on her. When he first arrived she had thought he was arrogant and she was afraid of him. Thinking he was some sort of animal and could lash out any second. Then she got to know him. Jean knew that the students liked him, Ororo did and even the Professor, but Scott didn't. She hated it when he referred to Logan as a "animal". She wanted to tell him he wasn't. She had read his mind and knew what he had been through, she had even seen in in her nightmares.
She remembered Logan waking up the last time, the only time he talked. She had walked over to him and smiled as she looked into his responsive eyes, she remembered Ororo had been in the lab with her.
"Hey." She whispered to him.
"Hey." His voice was weak and sounded forced. "I'm dying ain't I red?" He had been straight to the point like he always was.
I can fly
But I want his wings
She didn't know how to answer. She didn't want to lie but if she said it out loud, that he really was dying, then she would have to admit it herself- and that was so painful.
"You're going to fine." She said, wishing with all her heart it was true. Ororo was in the corner watching, and she thought her best friends heart was about to break. Even though jean was with Scott it had become clear to her Jean truly wanted to be with Logan, and now, it was too late.
"I can tell when you're lying. You go slightly red. I can feel it, I'm dying."
"Don't say that." Jean's voice was cracking, holding back the tears was getting hard now.
"It's true. Jean, before I do go-"
"Logan- don't, please." He could accept it, but she couldn't, she wouldn't.
"I need to tell you something." He winced in pain. He was so close to going; they all knew it. "I love you Jeannie." Her face fell and she started to cry, he reached up slowly and wiped a tear off her cheek. "This is when you're meant to say it back."
"Logan, I -" The machines around her started beeping wildly. "No."
I can shine even in the darkness
But I crave the light that he brings
His hand fell back on to the bed. "Logan." The machines all let out a continuous beep, signalling the end of Logan's life. She tried to bring him back. She pounded at his chest to try and get his heart beating again.
"Jean." She heard Ororo from behind her but ignored her. "Jean its over." She grabbed her hands. Jean looked at her, tears pouring down her cheeks. "He's gone." Jean started to sob and threw her arms around Ororo, seeking comfort from the closest person to her. Still wishing none of this was true and that it was all a horrible dream. He can't die; he shouldn't be able to die. It was all the governments fault. If they didn't see mutants as such a threat to the rest of the human race then none of this would have happened. And Logan would be awake right now with some sarcastic comment about how uncomfortable the beds were in the lab. But it was true, and with the beep still coming from the life machines Jean couldn't escape the fact he was dead.
Revel in the songs that he sings
My angel Gabriel
That night Scott had tried to comfort her, but she refused to be in the same room as him, sensing the slight relief he had that Logan was gone and not coming back. She found herself in Logan's room lying on his bed taking comfort from his scent on the sheets. She had told Rouge about Logan's death, like Jean had been herself she didn't believe it either and Jean had left Bobby to comfort her.
I can love
But I need his heartShe needed him; she knew that now. The thought that she was never going to hear another sarcastic comment from him, or never have him so obviously flirting with her hurt. What hurt the most was what he had said to her "I love you Jeannie". She had always thought all he had for her was lust, she had thought he only anted her because Scott was with her. She knew now she should have thought better of him.
I am strong even on my own
But from him I never want to part
She had blown her chances to be with him, she knew she was an idiot. Outside the blackbird when they had kissed she really badly wanted to be with him and had desperately fought the urge to go back to his tent with him. That one kiss with him made her want to throw everything she had with Scott away, and that had scared her. He had helped them with so much, protected them and even sacrificed himself for them. She hated it that he didn't even know anything about his past before he had died. She had once asked him why he had com back if hadn't found out anything. He had simply replied
"Because I have all the time in the world."
He's been there since the very startMy angel Gabriel
My angel Gabriel
She remembered sitting there at the funeral with silent tears running down her face, Ororo was sitting next to her clasping her hand in comfort and support. Scott was standing behind her, wondering why Jean was not talking to him, with a hand on her shoulder. When the Professor had stopped talking and the Students and other X-Men started filing back silently into the school Jean stood up and walked towards the grave stone which only had the word "Logan" engraved on it along with the X-Men symbol. She knew he would have vocally hated that, but silently like it, he never admitted he liked being one of the X-Men but she knew he secretly did.
"Jean?" She turned to see Ororo standing behind her.
"Can I have a minute?"
"Sure. I'll see you inside."
Jean had heard the cure wasn't permanent, she remembered the amount of times she had been asked that day whether Logan would wake up. It had hurt her every time to answer, "No, he was already gone."
"Hey Logan." She whispered gently. "I guess this is my time to say goodbye. You have no idea how much I would love to hear your voice right now." She started crying harder.
Bless the day he came to be
Angel's wings carried him to me"If only you knew the things you have done to me Logan. Before you came here, I thought I was happy withy my life. But, you have shown me I needed so much more." She wiped some tears from her eyes. "I guess what I'm saying is that I love you too Logan, and I just wish that you could actually hear me say it."
Heavenly
I can flyBut I want his wings
She stood up and started to walk away. She turned back again "Bye." She whispered before walking back into the mansion and aware of Scott who had heard everything she had said.
That night she packed a bag, taking only a few clothes and the necessary items she needed. Scott walked in on her packing.
"You leaving?" He asked solemnly.
"I can't stay here Scott." She looked down at the small bag she had packed.
"Why are you letting his death drive him out of your home?" She looked up at Scott.
"Because he has that effect on me."
I can shine even in the darkness
But I crave the light that he brings
Revel in the songs that he sings
"Look Scott, I don't think I'm coming back and I want to go alone."
"You really did love him didn't you?" Jean was shocked he knew, and even more shocked he had said this compassionately with no venom in his voice. She nodded.
"Yeah. I did." She smiled slightly. She picked up her bag and hugged Scott before leaving her old room. "One day you'll find someone who deserves you." She smiled at him and left the room. After going into Logan's room to pick up something she left the mansion in one of the cars in the garage and she didn't look back.
My angel Gabriel
My angel Gabriel
My angel Gabriel
It had been three years and Jean had not returned to the mansion. She decided she couldn't. Everything there remined her of Logan, she knew she wouldn't be able to sleep there with his grave in the vast garden of the Mansion.
My angel Gabriel
She couldn't believe how much she loved him, and even though he was dead she still felt so strongly for him. She still regreted that she never had the chance to be with him and that fact was still enough to make it so she cried herself to sleep some nights.
My angel Gabriel
She was now like Logan had been. She didn't have a secure place to live, and liked it that way. She didn't want to become attached again. She wanted to have had this life with Logan.
My angel Gabriel
She still dreamt of Logan, and often found herself dreaming of the kind of life they could have had. Their children running around the mansion, them being married. But she would always wake up, wishing she could sleep forever.
My angel my angel
She knew Logan wouldn't want her wasting her life over him. So, she went back to the mansion. She didn't go straight in. She went and sat at Logans grave.
"I'm back." She whispered.
"Jean?" She smiled slighlty and turned around.
"Hey 'Ro."
My angel Gabriel
She would go on with her life, but she would never move on. Even though she only had one kiss from Logan she knew she would never top it. So she never tried.
I randomly wrote this when I heard the song I used for it. I hope its good. I'm not too sure if i am good at the whole tragedy thing.
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