List of X-Men Characters
Kurt Wagner - Nightcrawler
Warren Worthington III - Angel
Alison Blaire - Dazzler
Rogue – Anna Marie
Gambit – Remy LeBeau
Bobby Drake - Iceman
Pyro – St. John Allerdyce
Jubilee – Jubilation Lee
Kitty Pryde - Shadowcat
Wanda Maximoff – Scarlett Witch
Pietro Maximoff - Quicksilver
Jenny
In no way do I own X-Men or Sky High or get money from this story. I made all the X-Men listed above teenagers - I know it's not canon, but I figured if the movies can screw stuff up royally, then so can I. And this story is not supposed to be serious; just good humor stuff.
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Chapter 1: There Goes the Neighborhood
"No. I'm telling you he would totally win. He is indestructible, super fast, and doesn't need sleep."
"Yeah, well, so was the Judge. And you're forgetting she beat a god. An actual god, from another dimension and everything. AND a lot of other demons who were bigger and badder than that - "
"Don't you dare start calling names. Anyway, it's not like she killed her – the only way that happened was because she turned back into him and he was mortal and it wasn't even her, it was someone else."
"So? At least she didn't sparkle."
"Oh, I know you -"
"Oh look, there's the bus. Yay, bus!"
Jubilee and Kitty stopped arguing to watch the bright yellow bus roll to a stop in front of them. The door opened. The group let Jubilee and Kitty get on first so they could get seats as far away from those two as possible. Hearing them bicker for what seemed like hours (actually, on again/ off again for a couple of weeks) had not exactly put everyone in a good mood.
As they were getting on the bus driver, who just seemed to be in a peachy mood way too early in the morning said "Hi. The name is Ron Wilson – Bus Driver. You the kids from Professor Xavier's school?"
"Yes, sir." said Jubilee.
"Welcome. Find a seat on the bus and we'll get rolling."
Jenny and Kurt were the last two to get on the bus. They hesitated at the front when they noticed the only seat left available was in front of the bickering teenagers.
"Thanks a lot" hissed Jenny to the others as she walked by them in their safe seats all nice and out of the way. John smirked and Rogue sheepishly shrugged her shoulders – the others avoided eye contact; as well they should. They were just glad they didn't have to hear another round of who would win in a fight – Edward or Buffy.
As the two unlucky X-men in training walked to the "Seat of Doom", they took no notice of the others they passed - which meant they didn't notice the wary looks, rolling eyes, and hateful glares directed their way from the Sky High students.
Before they even got to their seat – they heard it. Them. Jubilee and Kitty. Some explanations for or against in the Buffy vs Edward argument were too silly to repeat, but to give you a hint, they included sparkliness (that never gets old), nancy-boy hair gel, and – dare I say it? – the "hawtness" that is Robert Pattison although what hawtness has to do with fighting skills this authoress will never know.
"I can't take zis anymore, Chenny" whispered Kurt as they sat down. "It is von ding to hear them argue about fighting, but ven zey start talking about chests and body hair . . . "
Jenny looked at Kurt and sighed. He had a point. Then she turned around in her seat and told the two girls "Look. I've been listening to you argue for the past few days, and I have come to a conclusion. Kitty has the strongest argument. Juby, you're wrong. Find something else to talk about. Or I'll get Remy to blow up your books, Juby, and your movies, Kitty."
Kitty, who had started laughing stopped when her movies were threatened. "Hey now, let's think about this for a -"
Jubilee squawked. "You –"
"Everyone hold on tight. Next stop Sky High!" Ron Wilson – Bus Driver yelled.
The kids were slammed against the back of their seats. A few of them gasped slightly out of shock at the force. But since they all had ridden in the "company jet" as Logan likes to call it or on Warren (*snickers* okay, not ON Warren – well, just Ali. And that was just the one time. Due to a large amount of alcohol, and, you know, horniness *end snicker*) none of them were screaming in fright or laughing hysterically like . . . some people in some stories that shall not be named.
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Anyhoo – yes I just wrote that word and now excuse me while I kill myself for just becoming my mother.
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Okay – so I lied about the killing myself thing, but I'll just have you know –
GET ON WITH IT!
Right. Okay, okay. Jeez.
The bus finally arrived at Sky High. Ron said something but the mutant kids (or "genetically challenged" as the more pc people would say) didn't hear him. They were busy staring through the windows at their new school – and then getting out of the bus and staring some more.
The Sky High kids took off running towards the entrance to the school. I'm not joking. It was running. Which the new kids thought was kinda weird at first – but then they really started noticing the people standing outside as they slowly walked towards the school.
As they walked by the first group of people, they (and when I say they I'm really talking about the guys in the group) noticed a chick in a tight fitting very short dress with curly dirty blond hair.
She said "I can't believe I broke a nail beating up that ungrateful little mortal. Jinx!"
"Yes, you're beautaciousness?"
"Find me an emery board."
"Right away most wonderous, most delightful, most – "
"Shut up you little worm and get me my EMERY BOARD!"
Kitty gasped "Wait, isn't that – "
Before she could finish the question, two kids on brooms came flying dangerously close to their heads as they zipped around the school. After standing back up after ducking (they do have really good reflexes), their eyes followed the brooms and noticed the next group. The next group also had on robes and two people – well, one male teenager with a lightening scar on his forehead and a weird looking pale snake-like dude – were wrestling in the middle as the others were watching and chanting "Fight. Fight. Fight."
"Who is that?" questioned Pietro.
The two dudes (or dude and a half to be more accurate) somehow conveniently heard the question and stopped wrestling. They stood up and walked over to the new kids.
"You don't know who I am?" asked the kid with the scar – with quite a bit of arrogance and incredibility, if I may add. "I'm Harry fucking Potter, bitch. This here" he said as he swung an arm over the pale guy's neck "is my bro – he's called the Dark Lord, or DL to his friends."
"Zup" said DL.
"Me and him's got a love/hate relationship going on depending on the story line. Sometimes we hate each other, sometimes we shag, sometimes we go out and find wenches together."
"Dude" both of them exclaimed as they did that knuckle hitting thing guys do.
"We need to get back to our match. Ladies, call me." said Harry Potter.
"Later" said DL.
"Holy. Shit." said Bobby.
"Was that really them?" asked Warren.
Before they could talk about what they saw, another teenage boy ran by yelling "If you don't leave me alone, you hunk of metal, my girlfriend's gonna kick your ass!" Following the teenager, walking more slowly, was the person . . . or thing . . . supposedly chasing him. It looked kind of like . . . Arnold Schwarzenegger?? "I am a sex machine." Arnold said. He . . it . . turned its head and looked at them as it passed by "Sex machine." it repeated.
Wanda said "Okay, that one was beyond me. Anyone know who that one is supposed to be?"
John opened his mouth to answer her, but before he could, a very beautiful woman with dark hair and blue eyes came running up to them.
"Are you the new kids?" she asked.
"Yes, ma'am" drawled John appreciatively.
"Come with me" she replied. "And walk fast. I'll explain when we're in my office."
So they walked. Fast. Even so, they heard a few snippets here and there.
"Oh, my God. You killed Kenny." "You bastards!"
"Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?"
"I am your father."
"Tonight, I dine on turtle soup!"
"I am the great Cornholio. I need T.P. for my bunghole."
"Quick, Quinn. Get the camera!"
"Attica. Attica. Attica." (Okay, not really this one; I just always wanted to write it.)
But they eventually got to her office. Everyone was in one piece – just really confused and kinda disgusted (remember: Harry + DL = gross)
"I want to apologize for what you've witnessed. We are striving to . . . take care of this situation as soon as possible. Ever since that movie came out about us, this place has gotten . . . interesting. But it's nothing for you to be concerned about. You'll be safe here. Luckily we have kept most of them outside and the ones that make it in have . . . other things on their minds. But as I said it's nothing for you to worry about. Since you are transfer students and temporarily here under special circumstances, I have taken the liberty and made up your schedules instead of first determining whether you are hero or sidekick."
She passed each a schedule and a handy-dandy map of the school classrooms (convenient, no?).
"Do you have any questions? No? Then first period starts in about 5 minutes. I would suggest you hurry."
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Author's Note: Why are the X-Men really there? What is going on at that school? Can the X-Men help? And who exact is Jenny (even though some of you have probably already figured that out). These answers and others will be answered next . . . on Sick Sad World.
Hope you enjoyed this. Please leave a comment if you see anything I need to improve - it's my first story so I know there's probably lots of stuff.
As to all of the references I made in this chapter, let's see if I can remember them:
1. GET ON WITH IT - Monty Python
2. Curly dirty-blond hair chick - None other than Glorificus (or skanky ho or Hell-Bitch, depending on who you talk to) - Buffy
3. Harry Potter and DL - that one kinda goes without saying
4. Running Teenager - John Connor (in his teenage years on Sarah Connor), his girlfriend - Cameron, Arnold - terminator
5. "I am a sex machine" - foreign exchange student on Can't Hardly Wait
6. "Oh, my God. You killed Kenny." "You bastards!" - Stan and Kyle from South Park
7. "Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?" - Joker from Batman
8 . "I am your father." - Darth Vader from Star Wars
9. "Tonight, I dine on turtle soup!" - The Shredder; Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
10. "I am the great Cornholio. I need T.P. for my bunghole." - Butthead; Beavis and Butthead
11. "Quick, Quinn. Get the camera!" - Daria from Daria
12. "Attica. Attica. Attica." - Al Pacino from Dog Day Afternoon
13. Sick Sad World – Again, from Daria.