Pillow War

Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling would never write a crack fic like this.

Summary: Harry has a pillow pet and Draco has a Happy Napper. Each think that theirs is better. There is only one way to solve this world crisis: Pillow War! Warning: crack!fic, pillow fight, minor swearing

Warning: crack!fic, pillow fight, minor swearing

A/N Hey people, I wrote this a few months ago, when I got inspiration at a friends sleepover. I was sitting on a couch, cuddling with my lion pillow pet, whose name is Godric, who happened to be 'borrowing' my friend's Gryffindor tie. And instead of the plot bunny gods giving me inspiration for my other stories at the time, they made me write a whole other story.

I did have this story posted before, but I was having issues with the second chapter and this chapter before had some problems. But it's okay now! I fixed them and this is as funny as ever! YAY! :D

Please read, enjoy and review this story! The more reviews I get, the quicker I update! :)

xoxo bookfreak1317

"It's a pillow, it's a pet! It's a pillow pet!"

Hermione gave a sigh as she rubbed her temples.

"Yes Harry, we get it. Your new Pillow Pet can become a pillow and a pet. It's very cool."

"No Hermione. It's not cool. It's amazingly awesome! I don't think any Wizard and Witch would ever be able to think of it! I must be the only one to have one! So now I have a pillow, a pet and a..."

"Harry would you please shut up! I don't care about your Pillow Pet! I honestly think they're just plain stupid and a waste of money! I know you're really rich, with the Potter fortune, the Black fortune and what the Ministry paid you for destroying Voldemort, but if you spend everything on there stupid things, you'll be living on the streets!" Hermione snapped.

The rest of the Gryffindors stared in shock at Hermione. They had seen Hermione snap at people before, but never at Harry. Harry must have been talking about that pillow pet for ages. The group of Gryffindors quickly turned to look at Harry to see his reaction.

Harry stared in shock at Hermione. After a few seconds, he shook out of his stupor. His bottom lip started to quiver and his eyes became wide and filled with tears.

"Harry, come one. Please don't cry. Don't cry. I hate it when you cry." Hermione begged, feeling completely horrible, after seeing Harry's tears.

As Hermione tried to calm a sobbing Harry and tell him pillow pets are cool, a similar conversation went on at the other side of the Great Hall.

"Draco, I know you like that Happy Napper of yours, but you need to put it down. Your obsession with it is unhealthy." Pansy said, with a look of concern.

"No, it's not. I love Sparkle very much and want to show it to him." Draco said, with a frown at Pansy's comment.

"Wait, wait, wait." Pansy said quickly. "You named your Unicorn Happy Napper, Sparkle?"

Draco nodded his head quickly.

"And it's a guy."

Draco nodded again.

"Oh my wizard god, what the hell is wrong with you Draco? Do you need a healer?" Pansy asked as she started inspecting Draco, as if to see if he was ill or something.

Draco quickly tried to push her away and soon they were involved in a very intense sissy fight that had the Slytherins staring in amusement.

Meanwhile, back at the Gryffindor's table, Hermione was trying to comfort Harry.

"Harry, I'm sorry. Okay? Your unicorn Pillow Pet is cool." Hermione said soothingly.

Harry quickly stopped sobbing at Hermione's comment.

Hermione, thinking this was a good sign, pulled away from Harry and leaned back with a sigh.

After a few minutes of silence, Hermione was worried about Harry's silence. But before she could ask if he was all right, Harry spoke.

"What. Did. You. Just. Say?"

Hermione spun to look at Harry in shock, at the amount of venom that was put into Harry's voice. Harry had a look of anger on his face and his left eye was twitching.

"What do you mean Harry?" Hermione asked with a little bit of fear.

"I mean, what did you just about Georgette?"

"Georgette?" Hermione asked.

"My Pillow Pet. I like the name George but I want my pillow pet to be a girl. So Georgette was born." Harry said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"I just said your Pillow Pet, I mean Georgette," Hermione said quickly at Harry's glare. "Is cool. What's wrong with that?"

"The fact is that Pillow Pets aren't cool. They are the most awesomest things the world has ever seen!" Harry yelled.

The Great Hall became silent at Harry's outburst. It was a few seconds before any sound was made.

"What did you just say Potter?"

Everyone turned to face Draco at his outburst. Why would Draco Malfoy care about a Pillow Pet? A muggle thing?

"I said Pillow Pets are the most awesomest things in the world. Why do you care?" Harry said as he stood up.

"Because Pillow Pets aren't the most awesomest things in the world." Draco said with a smug smile.

"Oh really." Harry said with a raised eyebrow. "If Pillow Pets aren't the most awesomest things in the world, what are?"

"Happy Nappers are."

The Great Hall stared at Draco in shock. Draco Malfoy thought a muggle pillow was awesome? Was it the Apocalypse or something?

"You mean those copy pillows that try to be as awesome and cool as Pillow Pets, but aren't even close?"

"Don't you dare say such horrible things, Potter! Happy Nappers are amazing!" Draco screamed, his face red with rage.

"Oh yeah?" Harry screamed.

"Yeah!"

"You do know what we're going to have to do to solve this issue, don't you Malfoy?" Harry asked.

"Yeah, I do."

The boys were silent before they both screamed.

"PILLOW WAR!"

Posted:3/2/12

Revised: 6/25/12