Joseph had never been a violent man but he was certain, at that moment, if anyone had gotten in his way he would have done them some serious damage. The only person he saw was Shades, and the younger man appeared to know intuitively that he needed to be left alone.
He had no idea where he was going and he honestly didn't care. He had to get away. He couldn't stay in that room. He had walked in on her with the best hopes and dreams of their time to come and now his insides felt like a delicate ship dashed against rocks in a fearsome storm. He knew that he shouldn't drive, not feeling like this, but he got into one of the cars anyway.
He sat for a moment, his arms wrapped around himself like he was afraid that he would fall apart if he didn't. Joseph didn't cry. He never cried. In fact, if anyone had looked at him, they wouldn't know that the bottom had just fallen out of his world. The only thing that betrayed him was the slight twitch of his right eye that he was unable to control when he was angry or upset. Eventually, after an age, he started the car and drove slowly from the grounds. He didn't know where he was going to end up.
He switched the radio on and found that it was tuned to her favourite station, the one that played classical music. He turned it down but didn't turn it off. It was pathetic but he it felt like a link to her. Somewhere, she might be listening too. The music playing was beautiful. Joseph didn't know the name or the composer but the rise and fall of the tune was so provocative, so moving that he found himself absorbed and making up a story in his head to match the music. He imagined great epic adventures and battles, heroes and villains, all in the name of love. Try as he might, he couldn't keep her picture from his head as he made up his tale. Her blue eyes had always haunted him, all those years that he couldn't even look at her for fear of their situation - he always thought that now it would be different but yet again he was on his own, only able to think of her, never to be with her, to touch her.
The music broke, just for a second, and he realised where he was with a snort and a shake of his head. He'd come to their place. Genovia was a land locked country, save for one tiny piece of coastline that technically belonged to the Cote - d - Azur but was claimed to be Genovian. The beach stretched for an entire half a mile; the sand was nothing special but to the people of Genovia, it was a great place, really different. One day, the two of them had come to explore and had discovered a little alcove at one end of the sand, hidden under the miniature jutting cliff by a wall of overgrown foliage. He had carefully cleared a gap and the two had sat there undiscovered for hours, with a gorgeous view of the sea but not having to have anyone have a view of them. They came here quite often. The last time was only a week ago. How long that seemed.
He was parked a bit further along the beach but he took off his shoes and stepped onto the gravely sand, padding softly over to the cliff and discovering that the foliage was beginning to grow with space allowed for the customary gap that he made every time. He didn't go in though, he couldn't bring himself to. Instead he lay back on the sand and tried to work out the patterns in the stars until a cloud drifted across and put him in almost absolute darkness. When he wasn't thinking of anything in particular, his mind always drifted to her but he didn't want it to, not now. He tried to block her from his head but she knew how to get access.
He sat up and shook his head roughly. After what she had done that night, she should have been the last person that he wanted to think about. She had no idea what she had done to him tonight - he had dared to hang his hopes on her and she had just let that come tumbling down around his ears. Joseph genuinely believed that she understood him, knew what he was thinking and knew what to not do, so as not to upset him. Everything that people in their situation should be able to do. But now she had done this. Unless, did she know what this would do to him? Had she done it on purpose? Surely not. Even if she did not share his dreams, surely she wouldn't want to hurt him like this?
Slowly, slowly but surely, in those agonising minutes on the beach, Joseph convinced himself that she had hurt him on purpose. Why else would she have turned him down so frivolously when this time last week, both had thought it was going rather well? He knew that she thought he was strong and able to take such a blow but she couldn't see the toll that years of unrequited love had taken on him. He may be physically strong but he had been helpless since the first time that she had laid those eyes on him. He would have followed her anywhere, have done anything for her and he really thought that since Rupert died, she had begun to feel the same way. Well, apparently not. He tried weakly to convince himself that at least her getting out now was a good thing, it wouldn't get too far, but he just couldn't. He truly believed himself dumbstruck enough to be happier with a few more lies than this truth that he could feel sitting in the pit of his stomach.
As he was laid there watching the cloud, a few drops of rain had fallen on his face. Five minutes later, the rain was pouring. He didn't move. His body was just too heavy for words. He had no idea where he was heading after this. He would stay with her, of course he would, because he could let himself hope that one day she might change her mind. But it was a long shot. The chances were, he would end up on this beach again in a few years time, led here in the middle of a thunder storm, contemplating whether it was actually worth getting up.
All of a sudden, it became too much. He brought his hands up to shield his face from the rain, but a few drops of water that had nothing to do with the weather soaked his face.
It wasn't fair.
It just wasn't fair.