"Music": Brenda Hikaru's "Find a Way" video

Disclaimer (for all chapters): nah, but I wish so I could tell Ritsu to finally confess.

Today was different.

There weren't any random assaults in the corners of hallways, or any inappropriate comments whispered in flushed ears. Not even any yelling from the editor-in-chief. It was just…normal. Ritsu found it almost disconcerting, how utterly ordinary their department had seemed during the day. Those from outside Emerald and other floors were still cautious, but Hatori was able to have a normal conversation with HR and someone downstairs smiled at Mino—not a nervous, shaky smile, but an absolutely normal one. Everything was normal, fine.

Ritsu was ready to pull his hair out from all of it. He grimaced to himself as he pulled his coat and scarf on his way down to the first floor. Unlike other days as well, Takano had left rather early—19.23, and no Ritsu was not discreetly checking every night—and the others had shortly followed suit. Granted, it was the very beginning of the cycle, but still.

It was strange, he thought as he sat with his bag on the train home. Takano had seemed almost…subdued today at work? Even as he ordered his subordinates around, there was something in his tone that reminded Ritsu of how his parents used to speak to him about serious matters, like his starting salary at his first job or even the arranged engagement, all those years ago. He'd been holding back.

But for what? Ritsu wanted to know. What could have happened that made him act so differently? He still wasn't sure about his relationship with Takano; after that moment in the rain, they were…somewhat closer, but still the same regardless of their confessions. He couldn't really put a label on it.

Ah well. I shouldn't worry about it.

His phone rang as he walked up the hill to his apartment building. "Yes, Onodera speaking?"

"Come over tonight," came that deep baritone that still sent a small shiver down his spine, even over the phone. Ritsu was about to snap back that Takano couldn't just order him around outside of work, but then came a "please" that made him bite his tongue.

He stopped in front of the elevator, finger hovering over the up button. Never, in all the time he'd known Takano Masamune, had he heard the intimidating editor sound so…tired. Almost defeated, like he couldn't hold up whatever burden he'd been carrying all his life.

"Ritsu?" Takano asked, hesitant. No, he's not supposed to be like this.

He isn't supposed to act like this. Ritsu roused himself from his shock and pressed the up button, stepping into the elevator. "Okay," he said simply, feeling his heart twist at the quiet sigh of relief in his ear.

"Okay," Takano parroted back, hanging up after another second.

Ritsu put his phone away and took a relaxing breath outside Takano's door, just before the man himself opened it. Ritsu had to force himself not to swallow as his mouth dried up in response to the older man's thin black V-neck sweater and dark jeans that fit him perfectly from hip to ankle. It was so simple, yet just how attractive this man could be sometimes flew right past him.

It was so simple, how Ritsu shuffled into the genkan and Takano pulled him in for a kiss on the cheek and his heart was drowning in warmth and a feeling like contentment. It was so simple how this could be his life everyday if he just said something. Three small words.

He swallowed back the letters that crowded his tongue and gave a lopsided smile as he entered the apartment, setting his bag on the couch. "Er," he said as he turned to Takano, "so what are we doing?"

"I have some news."

Well, alright. Is that what he was so worried about? Ritsu was about to ask what it was when Takano interrupted him with, "I've been offered a job in America."

Oh, is that al—wait. What? What did he say? Did Ritsu have cotton in his ears, because he thought heard Takano saying something about a job in America.

What?

"What?" Ritsu asked out loud, not even cursing himself for how weak his voice sounded. His knees were trembling, and his head was filled with static.

"I have the opportunity to go to America for 6 months, as an editor," Takano explained, but it still didn't make Ritsu feel any less like he was falling apart. "The paper's here." He took out a sheaf of papers and the top read in bold Job Opportunity in America for Takano Masamune. "I haven't signed it just yet."

He had to pull himself together. What was he doing? "Oh. Why not?" Ritsu managed. "This sounds really nice and would help you a lot. There aren't many negatives, so I don't know why you would talk to me about it first—"

A hand slammed down on the papers made Ritsu startle a bit, eyes widening.

"Dammit Ritsu!" Takano seemed kind of…angry. Then again, it was usually his default expression. At least he didn't look so mildly upset, like before.

"W-what?" Ritsu stammered, regaining his senses and glaring right back at him.

Takano's hand clenched on the papers. "I told you about this because I love you! Isn't that enough reason? To tell the person you love that you're going to be gone across the world for half a year? Isn't that enough?!"

Ritsu crumpled, irritation fading away as quickly as sand blowing in the wind. He didn't know what kind of expression he must have been wearing, but Takano softened and sighed, stepping forward to take Ritsu's hand. How could Takano do this to him? Tell him in a way that made it impossible for him to be anything less than distressed?

He yanked his hand away and swiped at tears he could feel forming in his eyes. He would not cry. He would not cry. It would only tell Takano something he didn't think he was ready to say.

"Go if you want to. I don't care," Ritsu bit out, even though it was so far from the truth.

Takano took the bait instantly, though purposely Ritsu couldn't tell. "Does what we have mean nothing to you?! Do I really mean nothing to you? You may not be willing to admit it, Ritsu, but nothing will move forward unless you make it."

Oh, Ritsu could feel it. That undeniable energy between them whenever they so much as made eye contact. Charged and full of passion, desire…love. It was all there. All he had to do was say the word, and Takano wouldn't sign the papers, and they would be official instead of this hazy, uncertain mess of a relationship, and he would stop feeling so doubtful about everything.

Ritsu looked at him, at the only one he's ever loved, and made his decision. "You should go," he said quietly, and continued when he saw the other male about to protest, "b-but I don't want…" He struggled with what he wanted to say, words tripping over themselves. "I-I mean…you—"

Lips covered his before he could get the rest out, and before he knew it, he was crying. Again. Like with almost every other time they had kissed. He really couldn't help it this time, though. He really really wanted Takano to know that he was tired of this uncertainty too, but he was also still anxious that he'd get his heart broken again, so anxious that he felt sick whenever he thought of the possibility.

"Mmnp," he tried, but he could only whimper in the back of his throat as Takano slid his hands up Ritsu's face to gently tangle in his hair, running those long fingers towards the back of his head and on his cheeks again.

It was so…intimate. Ritsu could feel how much love Takano poured into the kiss with every move of his jaw, every soft puff of air as he breathed out his nose, every miniscule angle he tilted his lips. Large, warm hands, fingers padded with callouses, scratched against the smooth skin of his cheeks, making him shiver pleasantly.

As Takano led him to the bedroom, Ritsu could only think that he wished he would not hurt so much these next months.

The early morning light diffused softly into the apartment, illuminating the sheaf of papers left casually on the coffee table. In the bottom right hand corner was a signature, penned in the red ink that was seen so much in their line of work.

Ritsu sat, directing his gaze somewhere left of those papers so he wouldn't have to come to terms with something that he couldn't handle. "So…" He bunched fists into his lap, barely able to keep his voice above a breath. "There it is, then. You signed it."

"Mm," Takano acknowledged, shuffling around as he hurried to pack last minute things. A book or three. Extra pens. Even some bags of tea, if airport security would allow that.

"Okay," Ritsu whispered, squeezing his eyes tight so the tears wouldn't fall.

There was no reason for Ritsu to go with him to the airport.

Takano was a grown man, he could handle paying the taxi driver, going through security, waiting around by himself until the boarding call. But the thought of not being there as Takano left his life for half a year caused something in his chest to jolt with panic, so he tagged along. He even pretended on the way there that the luggage in the trunk was for both of them, and they were going together on some vacation, just so he wouldn't have to think about it. It was silent save for tires bumping on the road, tinny radio buzzing in the taxi.

They didn't say a word to each other on the way there—not even when they paid and said their thank-you's to the taxi driver, when Takano pulled his luggage out of the trunk and Ritsu held his work bag for him. Not even when they were standing a few yards in front of the security checkpoint, people rushing back and forth trying to get to their destinations and the sound of announcements occasionally broadcasting departure times, delays. They just stood there, facing each other, one with his heart in his throat and the other with his heart in his stomach.

Ritsu went to take a breath, but it only hitched halfway up his throat, so he decided against it. "Um," He said randomly, just to fill up the heavy silence between them. "Don't forget to call when you land?" He tried, giving a weak smile and shrugging.

It only made Takano snicker lightly, fondly. "I don't think you're my mother."

"Ahah, no, I don't think so, either," Ritsu said, trying for a bit of light humor but only managing to sound awkward, like he was still 15 and had all his long, gangly limbs.

Silence prevailed for a few more moments.

"Um," He tried again.

Takano glanced over at the clock on the wall, displaying the time. 07.23. "I'll need to be going now."

Ritsu had no idea why he'd even said that. It was unnecessary and seemed more like a way to stall, but he kept quiet. "Okay," he replied in a voice that was a lot stronger than he felt. "See you, then."

There was only the quietest of sighs, then arms wrapped around him and squeezed him to a warm body. He gasped and found his cheek pressed against Takano's, the other male's pulse fluttering rapidly in his neck.

"See you, then," Takano answered back, resting a hand against the back of Ritsu's head, the other a vice around his waist. He sounded so…sad, and in the next moment, Ritsu found himself fighting back tears. He knew that if he started crying, he wouldn't be able to stop this time; because Takano was leaving and he could do nothing to stop it and when he got back to his apartment, it would only echo back his own sadness.

He shook his head and pulled back, lowering his head so Takano would not see the traitorous few tears that had already dripped out. "You should go," he choked out, swallowing past the huge lump in his throat. Think of something else, think of something else, think of… A flash of his mother calmed him down enough to look up again, plastering on a small smile so it would be the last thing Takano saw of him for an entire 6 months.

"Okay," Takano murmured, unnecessarily again. He grabbed his luggage and starting rolling it down towards the security checkpoint, the sound of wheels clacking against tile enough of a distracting sound that Ritsu wouldn't fall to his knees.

It was only after Takano had long since passed security that Ritsu's smile drooped and he finally let himself cry for a bit into his sleeve, sniffling thickly and standing there alone as everyone else drifted past him like ghosts.

A/N: As I get to my more recent fanfiction, it'll become more tedious to proofread them, so there won't be as many corrections.

That is all

-ChemicallyEnhanced