Tag to 10.22. Sam's thoughts as he hurries toward home...and Dean.
I don't want to be left behind
I've been so blind to all that I have broken
Can we put this back together?
No more empty promises, they don't exist
Just me out in the open
I know this will take time
Can we put the past behind us
Tonight I'm gonna fight for you
Just give me one last chance to make it right
Sam pressed the gas pedal a little harder, watching the needle of the speedometer creep dangerously high as the windshield wipers slapped a beat in rhythm to the frantic pounding of his heart. Dean was on his way home and Sam had to get there. He had to talk to his brother, to get him to listen, to make him understand…Charlie had cracked the code, they could read the Book of the Damned….Dean could be free of the Mark forever. Sam would never forgive himself for what happened to Charlie….never…..and most likely Dean never would either but it didn't matter. He couldn't lose his brother. If he lost Dean now, everything he'd done…..everything….no…..everyone he'd sacrificed would all be in vain.
You wanna know what I think? I think it should be you up there and not her.
Tears pricked Sam's eyes and he furiously wiped them away. He deserved what Dean said….it should have been him up there, not Charlie. He'd lied to Dean, went behind his back and dragged Charlie back into things, against her better judgment, but no matter how guilty he felt, the fact that Dean had actually uttered those words cut him to the core and he couldn't get them out of his head. But really, how were they any worse than what he'd said to Dean last year? And he didn't even have the excuse of the Mark.
He had to believe the Mark was the reason for Dean's hurtful words. The brother he loved….the brother who had sold his soul for him would never wish him dead. Dean had spent his entire life saving his little brother. He'd never want Sam dead. Not if any part of him was still really Dean and that thought was what terrified Sam the most. If the Mark was completely in control, how would they ever stop him?
You wanna know what I think? I think it should be you up there and not her.
Sam would give anything to bring Charlie back. Even now, he wondered if they could but his first priority was his brother and as the thought passed through his mind, he was consumed with guilt, knowing his need to save Dean was the reason for Charlie's death…..the reason Dean was on a murderous rampage. He had driven his brother over the edge. After months of telling him they could do this…..they could beat the Mark together…..Sam had been the catalyst for Dean's descent into darkness.
Sam's heart ached when he thought of the dozens of people Dean had already slaughtered. Yes, at least some of the Stynes deserved to die for what they did to Charlie but Dean had killed them all. How do you stop a freight train that's out of control? What could Sam possibly say to make Dean see reason? And how would Dean ever come back from what he had done? Would he ever really be Sam's brother again?
It didn't matter…..Mark or no Mark…Dean was his brother. He had sacrificed everything for Sam. After a lifetime of failing Dean, this was his last chance….his last chance to change things….his last chance to save his brother. He had to do this. He owed it to Dean. He owed him everything. He would fight to save his brother until his very last breath.
You wanna know what I think? I think it should be you up there and not her.
No matter how much Dean's words hurt, it would be nothing compared to losing him forever. Sam pushed his thoughts aside and pressed the gas pedal all the way to the floor. "Hang on, Dean. I'm coming."
Thanks so much for reading! Just a short little tag before the finale. If Sam's thoughts seem disjointed, that's mostly on purpose although some of it is because I was distracted with thoughts of Jared this weekend. But it seems that he's doing better from what Jensen said at the closing ceremony of JIB so that's comforting.
I'm so scared about what's going to happen in the finale. I have a million scenarios going through my head and none of them are probably right! I've written a fic after every episode this season except the first one. I think that's a record for me. Needless to say, I've enjoyed season 10. Some of you have read and commented on every fic even though I sometimes felt like I was beating a dead horse and I appreciate that so much! I don't know if I'll be doing a hiatus fic. It kinda depends on where they leave us and also I will be getting ready for DC con in July! I haven't been to a con since NJ 2013 so I'm VERY EXCITED!
Thanks to everyone for your continued support!
Lyrics One Last Chance by Daughtry.