Disclaimer: I own nothing except the laptop I used to write this story. Characters belong to J. K. Rowling.
Conversations With Ghosts
"You never really understood how much I needed you, did you?"
She's talking to him again. Has been ever since he walked into her room, two weeks after he was buried. She was back at Hogwarts, sitting at her desk, studying for the NEWTS she didn't have the time for in the mad race that was her seventh year.
"Never understood what I saw in you, never quite grasped what I meant when I said I loved you."
The look on his face can only be described as sheepish, although such an expression looks severely out of place on a face like his.
She sees this and nods with grim approval. "Glad you agree. Although I have to say, you did your best. Especially when you consider I practically forced myself on you in sixth year. "
Severus did not respond. She stands up and starts pacing.
"You see, I was incredibly lonely. Ron had decided to take up with Lavender, and Harry has never really had time for me. And I think that something in me recognized the same loneliness in you, not that you'd ever admit that. And I wanted to show you something beautiful, and I wanted something of my own.
"Now I see that you'd already seen beauty. And that you could never be mine."
He speaks then: "Hermione…"
"No." She cuts him off. "Just listen. This is quite cathartic, really.
"I fell for you. Even though our encounters were limited to about four hurried moments in the back of your classroom, being with you made me feel wanted. I never sat back and looked at what was really happening. I should have known that there was no way under normal circumstances you would take a student to your bed. And if I'd taken the time, I would have wondered at the glazed look in your eye when you spoke to me, or touched me." Her anger is getting the better of her; she's trembling and the quill she's holding has snapped. "I should have FELT that things weren't right!"
"Hermione, you know I cared-"
"I saw the Pensieve, Severus," she whispers. "I saw your love for Lily. I saw your patronus. And now I understand. You were with me because I reminded you of her. Muggleborn. Intelligent. Gryffindor." She rolls these last three words off her tongue as if tasting them. "But because there was a war raging around us, and because I was scared and lonely and blind I didn't even notice.
"And then you cut me off. You killed Dumbledore, planned it with him the whole time you were with me, which is proof that you didn't give a damn about me, and then ran off without even a single word." Her tone is scathing now, and this provokes the deceased Potions Master.
"I didn't see you suffering much. In fact, I believe you were warming to that Weasley boy quite nicely." His voice drips sarcasm.
"What did you expect!" she shrieks. "If it was between you and Ron, he'd win EVERY TIME. Because he loves me. Not a woman who died almost two decades ago!
"I saw you die. I saw you die, Snape. And your last words were all for Harry, memories of your love for his mother. You didn't even LOOK at me! I was right there and you didn't have one word for me!"
She sits down again. "I'm moving on. I'll not be faithful to your memory. I won't drive everyone who reminds me of you away. The war is over. Voldemort's dead and I can live now. Hopefully everyone can learn from the mistake of the last forty years and move on. I'm convinced that this is an opportunity to look ahead."
He looks forlorn now, and her expression softens. "Yes, the world goes on without you. But it has to. We came so close to dying, all of us, the wizarding world. So now we'll learn how to respect life, cherish each other, to be better. " She's crying now, crying because she doesn't believe a word she's saying. "It will end here, won't it Severus? That's what it comes down to, right? Faith? "
He's fading away now, and she knows he won't come back, which makes her sob so much harder.
"Maybe it's for the best that you didn't love me. I couldn't bear losing you knowing we had the chance."