Whatever the sheets of paper were attached to the wall with they weren't coming off any time soon, even with Tony's chemicals and knowledge. He had been banned from trying anything else when he suggested blowing up the wall as a way to remove them, however, and so they remained. Whoever had put them there had had the forethought to place several pieces of paper, obviously anticipating the sheer number of rules that would be needed to deal with the ragtag team of heroes, and they had been right. The first rule was already written on there and was obviously what had prompted the new list.
1. Whenever Tony says he is just about to test something, run for the hills. The last time anyone was around for it, it blew Thor and Steve's eyebrows off. Literally.
No one actually knew what Tony had been trying to make or what he was testing in the first place but they did know that the results had been explosive and mentally scarring for Steve and Thor who had just happened to be passing by the billionaire's lab when said incident happened. Tony, at least, had had the forethought to get behind something protective and had been relatively unharmed and had immediately gotten back to work. Thor and Steve had retreated at an alarming rate and winced every time they heard an explosion for the rest of the day.
Addition to Rule 1. This especially applies when he hasn't slept in 24 hours or more. A sleep deprived maniac genius is a dangerous one.
Sleep deprived and caffeine fuelled Tony Stark was indeed very dangerous to the surroundings and people in the vicinity. Coulson's tie, or what was left of it, would attest to that fact. The agent had just raised an eyebrow and taken another sip from the coffee mug he was carrying before walking off with impressive control. That had been his favourite tie. Stark's comment of "It actually looks better now" was greatly unappreciated and Coulson began planning his revenge. What was wrong with a Captain America tie anyway, even if it did make said man blush profusely every time he saw it.
Addition 2 to Rule 2. And don't let him work drunk!
Not even the vents were safe as Clint found out when he fell from the ceiling, still in the vent, into Tony's lab. It was a bit like an extreme theme park ride but Clint had no intentions of ever repeating that experience. The billionaire had somehow managed to make the ceiling implode, how though was anyone's guess. It probably had something to do with the rather strange looking weapon that he thrust at Clint with a drunken smile on his face as Clint crawled gingerly out of the wreckage. He would have though Stark would have made the ceilings stronger than that, he thought, as he tried ignored the billionaire's enthusiastic rambling. It took Steve and Natasha to hold Clint back and also stop him using the weapon on the billionaire when he realised how drunk the man was and how close he had come to hitting him with that god forsaken weapon of his. Poor Bruce was left to convince Tony to leave before he was maimed or worse by the fuming archer.
2. I am not fat, Tony!
Bruce had dragged the engineer to his room and locked him in there until he had sobered up. From the security camera footage, it appeared that he had tried to make a bid for freedom in his drunken stupor. Unfortunately for him, he lacked the practice the assassins had had at traversing the vents and fell straight back down the moment he attempted to get in. The chair wobbled under his feet and he went flying, landing under the vent on his bottom, staring up at it miserably. He then proceeded to have a one sided argument with it about throwing him out before he passed out on the floor. Bruce was so saving all that, for blackmail purposes after he got lumbered with dragging him back to his room.
When he finally sobered up, the billionaire decided to blame the wreckage and the ceiling falling in on the fact that Clint was too heavy for the vents. He really shouldn't have said that when Clint had darts in his hand, though, as Hawkeye never misses a shot and Tony found himself unable sit down properly for days.
3. For the love of all that is good and holy, never mention the magic but decidedly deadly boomerang incident ever again. It only reopens lingering mental scars.
Addition to Rule 3. Boomerangs are never to be experimented on again.
Tony had been inventing again and the result had been an innocuous looking set of boomerangs which he had taken to the training room to show the others and test out. They hadn't understood or cared about much of his explanation and self-important speech but they had been impressed with the concept. That was, until Tony decided to give them the demonstration there and then.
Most of them figured that Tony must have been drunk or insane when he started out making them as the outer shell of the boomerang peeled away to reveal a wicked and glinting set of knives that sliced efficiently through the training dummies with ease. The problem came when the boomerangs came back. See, Tony clearly hadn't thought too hard about the actual catching bit as the knives were still exposed and looking for all the world like they were going to maim or kill the billionaire and as many of the other Avengers as they could in the process. It was then that supposed genius informed them that he had also put in homing technology so they would come back to the thrower.
He then realised what that truly meant and hid behind Steve who hit the deck at an alarming and rather impressive rate causing all the other Avengers to follow suit. That didn't fool the weapons for long so the Avengers set off running. It was quite the sight to see all of the Avengers running away as fast as they could whilst being chased by Stark's magical mystery boomerangs as they had been named by said man but, for the Stark Industries employees, it was just another day at work. They were convinced that they were safe when the boomerangs embedded in the wall and Tony stuck his head around to see them there.
It was during his observation and comment of "Huh! It actually worked!" in which the assassins had to seriously tamper down their urge to kill the man themselves that the boomerangs became to move slightly and then flew out of the wall. Steve pulled the billionaire to the floor but not before the knives sliced off the top of his spiked up hair. The assassins ended the problem by emptying their ammunition into the knives causing the technology to fail. Tony wasn't sure whether to be more upset about the ultimate destruction of his technology or his now shorter hair as he clutched at the strands on the floor in sadness. The others just rolled their eyes and left him there.
4. Please remember that Steve is from the 1940s and so doesn't understand a lot of modern reference. Teasing him about it only makes him more upset about what he has lost and it's like kicking a sad puppy. Just don't.
Steve had the most incredible set of puppy dog eyes that any of the Avengers had ever seen before. They could make the most hardened criminal feel guilty for their sins and send them crying to their mother. Unfortunately, Tony seemed willing to risk the sad kicked puppy look and constantly teased and goaded the poor Captain about all that he had missed. He ran away before the puppy dog face could come out but still felt guilty. He was also terrified as Natasha had promised to torture him like he had never been tortured before for making her have to deal with the sad puppy face.
Turns out, it even got to the Black Widow and Natasha had ended up educating Steve to try and cheer him up. Secretly though, she still thought he looked like a golden retriever puppy even when he wasn't sad, all wide blue eyes and bouncy, but no one was ever going to find out that the Black Widow thought like that. And if she had to spend more time with Steve to stop him looking sad, well, it was no skin off of her back!
5. Never ever, under any circumstances, touch Thor's hair.
Clint was the walking, or hobbling, proof to attest to that rule. He had heard Tony boasting about being the best pranker and, being the best pranker at S.H.I.E.L.D, he set out to prove him wrong. He was going to cut and dye Thor's hair all whilst he was sleeping. It had all gone to plan initially with the long blonde locks falling onto the pillow consistently to the soft sound of snip snip snip. Clint managed to cut it all short as the thunder god was sleeping face first into his pillow leaving his beloved hair exposed to the archer.
Clint collected up all of the cut blonde locks, which was a big job on its own as Thor had had very long hair before Clint had started, and then left the dye in his shampoo. Unfortunately for him, he tripped on his way back over Mjolnir and woke the thunder god who reacted on instinct. He fought his unknown foe, battering and bruising Clint before he managed to escape to the vents, not before dropping all of the locks on the floor and so leaving a trail of what he had done behind. Thor had still showered before he had seen all of his precious hair cut off, or rather felt it, and ended up with short violet hair. Thor knew it had been Clint because of the state of him after the unexpected battle and Clint took to hiding in the vents again until Thor's hair grew back.
Thor's hair was rather uneven from its impromptu cut, Clint never claimed to be a hairdresser, and he ended up having to have it evened up by Natasha and Pepper. With not much choice due to the already short length, they ended up having to give him a buzz cut on the sides with it slightly longer on the top. When he finally calmed down, Thor decided that he quite liked it that length and so kept it like that but he definitely didn't like the violet colour and so had it dyed back to blonde. Clint was still twitchy around Thor for months to come though, and Tony had gotten many laughs out of it until he had been reminded of his crying when his hair had been cut by the boomerangs which made him shut up very quickly.
So since my Leverage story of rules got such a good response I thought I would give an Avengers one a go. Hope you liked it. I always like to know the story behind the rules when I read a fanfiction like that so that's why I give an explanation with all my rules. Some explanations might not be as in depth as others and they might not all be as long as this.
If you have any suggestions then put them in a review or PM me and I will try and write more as soon as I get time. Unbeta's so sorry for the mistakes.