Author's Note: This is such crack. This is for Cloudy and is loosely based off of her Girls! Girls! Girls! chapter of How To. Hopefully she enjoys it :) There's also going to be a few other chapters that are the same situation, just a different take, so stay tuned!
Disclaimer: Megagirl is not a name I came up with and the poets aren't mine either.
This wasn't the first time Charlie Dalton had tried to get the poets into a strip club. It was, however, the first time that his attempts had been successful.
With a triumphant grin that spread from ear to ear, Charlie led the way, his chest already puffed out in excitement as they made their way to the main stage. He surveyed the goods with greedy eyes until he heard Meeks behind him.
"Whoa. That girl has all of the correct hardware and wiring to create an actual robot…" the ginger boy stated in quiet awe. A stripper that knew how physics and electricity worked? It was like heaven.
Until Charlie spun around, grin now replaced by a scowl and furrowed eyebrows. Meeks wasn't allowed to be infatuated with anyone but him, god dammit. He glanced over his shoulder at the girl that Meeks had been admiring. "Oh please," he scoffed with a vague wave of his hand. "I have a lightning bolt painted on my chest and I can bet you your left ball that Nuwanda is a better stage name than whatever it is she came up with."
Meeks had been about to reply when a large, burly man yanked Charlie towards him by the scruff of his shirt collar. "What are you doing on the floor?" he demanded. "You're on in five minutes, kid." Apparently this bear-of-a-man had mistaken Charlie for one of the male strippers.
Charlie's eyes widened as he glanced between his man-napper (for Charlie was no kid) and Meeks, only to realize that Meeks' attention was back on the scantily clad robot stripper. With a determined grimace, Charlie nodded to the giant holding him captive, shaking off its large paw and tromping in the direction he thought backstage was. He was going to show Meeks just how much better he was than that ridiculously dressed stripper. Clearly the girl just wasn't good enough to stand on her own and needed to adorn herself with colorful wires and metallic silver paint in order to get attention. Well, thought Charlie, all he needed was his lightning bolt and his tighty-whiteys.
He passed Todd cowering in a corner and Knox…slow dancing?...with a stripper dressed like a preppy school girl before he reached the curtain that led backstage. Not even the abundance of skin showing in the back room could distract Charlie from the task at hand. Well, so maybe some of it distracted him, but not enough to deter his focus on proving that he was better than anyone in here, even the girls with no tops, although they definitely got bonus points.
Shoving his way to the front of the line with a huff and grunt (these girls were actually strong, for cripes sake!) Charlie dramatically threw the curtains open and stepped onto the stage, one eyebrow raised and a seductive smirk plastered upon his face. There was a moment of silent confusion, and then Charlie placed his hands on his hips and began to strut in the direction of the robot girl, whose stage name it was later learned was Megagirl. Charlie hip-checked her out of the way, glancing down at Meeks in an "how dare you look at another living creature besides myself" way, and began slowly unbuttoning his shirt, all while swaying to the beat of the bass.
Getting fed up with the unbuttoning process, Charlie chose to rip his shirt off, for that was more effective anyway. Buttons spewed onto the stage, cascading down to the floor, and Charlie whipped the shirt between his legs, moving it as though it were a towel and he was drying himself in some sort of sultry way. Meeks' jaw had dropped completely, his face mirroring many other patrons of the strip club. Neil had even stopped in questioning the strippers about how they got into character to stare at Charlie for a few moments.
Charlie's ego was soaring through the roof until he was suddenly shoved, nearly losing his balance and toppling off the stage. Both eyebrows rose high on his forehead and he quickly regained control, eyes bulging when he realized that his attacker was Megagirl, who was now smiling down at Meeks and swaying her hips erotically. Charlie scowled and stomped childishly over to her side, but she refused to move, and they were forced to compete for Meeks' attention.
Meeks could have sworn his heart had stopped.
Megagirl had the convenience of experience on a pole, which she most definitely used to her advantage. Not to mention she was dressed as a freaking robot. But Charlie had the hair and the lightning bolt and the pectoral muscles. Not to mention he was Charlie Dalton.
With a low growl, Charlie bent down and whipped his shoes off, chucking them somewhere into the audience before busying himself with undoing his pants. From the back of the room a voice that sounded eerily like Richard Cameron's called out: "Yeah! Take it offffffff!"
Charlie threw his pants down into Meeks' face, who caught them and held onto them for later, knowing that even though Charlie would happily saunter around in his underwear, it was highly frowned upon by the faculty that might catch them when they returned to Welton.
Now that Charlie was down to his underwear and socks, he grabbed the pole that Megagirl was using and began imitating her movements (although not in exactly the same way, because Charlie Dalton doesn't copy, he does his own shit) wiggling his eyebrows at Meeks.
Meeks, in an uncharacteristic moment of frivolous spending, threw quite a few dollar bills in the air, watching them rain down onto the stage with a small grin. He could be nerdy and still enjoy the show of a stripper or two. "Bills, bills, bills," he hummed to himself until he looked down into his wallet and realized that he'd thrown all of his green onto the stage. He glanced between the dark, emptiness of his wallet and the bright, flamboyancy of the stage. Charlie was so reimbursing him.
Seeing the gaping blackness of Meeks' wallet, Megagirl pouted. She wasn't in the habit of dancing for a guy if they had no money to shell out. Quickly—yet also quite sexily—grabbing up the money on the stage before Charlie realized what was happening, she made her way over to another crowd of men that seemed to have an endless supply of dollar bills, although she paused to offer Meeks a seductive wink.
A ridiculous grin smeared itself onto Meeks lips until Charlie jumped off the stage and shook the genius by his shoulders. "God, Meeksie, you're a terrible friend, you know that?" he scolded, grabbing his pants from Meeks and shoving his legs into the appropriate holes before zipping his pants with such fury that the zip completely broke. "Ugh. Eff em el," he grumbled to himself. "Time to go," he ordered, clasping Meeks by the collar of the shirt and heading towards the door, scanning the room for the rest of the poets.
Meeks rolled his eyes. "We've hardly been here at all, Charlie," he pointed out.
"That doesn't matter. We're done and we're never coming here again—"
"Excuse me?" a voice from off to the side called, causing both Charlie and Meeks to pause.
Glancing over their shoulders they noticed the female bar-tender leaning over and smirking. Charlie suddenly felt much better as he meandered over to her. "You're excused," he replied.
Meeks pursed his lips. "Uh, Charlie, you were saying something about leaving…" It was clear that Charlie was annoying him, so Meeks did what any self-respecting boy would do in a situation where your boy-toy was flirting with a large-chested bar-tender.
Grabbing Charlie by the seat of his pants, causing Charlie Dalton to—for the very first time in his life—squeak in absolute shock, Meeks headed towards the door, snapping his fingers and somehow getting the attention of every poet in the vicinity despite the volume of the music.
"Meeks…Meeks…seriously!" Charlie was pleading as he hobbled directly behind the boy that had him, quite literally, by the balls.
When they reached the door the only poet that was missing was Pitts, who quickly appeared, grumbling about a girl who had taken him to a back room and had assured him that they could play games. "That liar didn't even have Battleship or Monopoly. She kept trying to dance in front of me but I said 'Oh no you don't. It's Clue or I'm out.'"