Death is Just a Phase
fluorescentpinkfairies
Rated: K+
Warnings: None that I know of.
Spoilers: All of the Chapter Black Saga.
Disclaimer: I own no part of Yu Yu Hakusho.
--
It isn't as though I didn't know what I was doing.
Because I did.
It isn't as though I was lost or anything like that.
Because I wasn't.
But if the others want to believe that I was talked into this, mesmerized into it by his flowery words and convincing speech, terrified into it by that horrific Chapter Black video, then let them believe that.
I joined Sensui because I wanted to. I joined him because in my heart, I knew that he was right. He is still right.
I am not like Dr. Kamiya, who claimed that it was like coming out of a daze for him. Perhaps he was so stunned by the Chapter Black video that his senses shut down - I don't know. Temporary insanity, perhaps.
I am not like Mitarai, either. I know he was terrified, broken, after watching that video. He hated humankind before that, but after, he was afraid - more afraid than he had ever been before. After all, you know what they say: You hate what you fear. But yet, fear isn't that strong of an adhesive - the bond that it creates between master and subordinate only causes the subordinate to want to rebel more and more, and eventually leads to the ultimate betrayal. Even Mitarai fell into that trap, in the end betraying Mr. Sensui.
Though, it isn't as though Mr. Sensui cared. It was all a part of his master plan.
I am not like Amanuma, either; so trusting and filled with naïve hatred of other children because they didn't want to play with him. I can see how easy it was for Mr. Sensui to recruit him. But his loyalty failed, as well. The way that Mitarai tells it, it seems as though the little Game Master was more afraid of death than of losing a game - although in the end they were one and the same.
Funny how things work out, isn't it?
I am not like Gourmet, the fool, or that Toguro guy, the even bigger fool.
I am not sure whether I am like Itsuki - Gatekeeper - though.
No, not that way.
No, I'm serious. Fine, don't believe me.
Do I have unwavering loyalty to Mr. Sensui? I don't know. Others can judge that for me. I only know that I believed in our cause. I believed that humans should die - and deep inside my heart, I still believe. I know that there is little I can do without a mastermind backing me up. I'm not brilliant enough to create a plan quite as great as the one that I was once a part of. The Spirit Detective, in all his glory, would foil any of my plans within an hour, this I'm sure of.
I can do nothing. Essentially, I've failed. I've failed myself, and Mr. Sensui, and the dream that brought The Seven together.
Still, I believe, in my heart. And that is enough for me, for the time being.
One day, I may just find the strength, and the brains, to pull a major ploy like Mr. Sensui's off. One day, I may make him proud. One day, I will be able to fulfill that beautiful, beautiful dream that he had.
For now, I'm forced to look after my siblings. Not that I mind much, I just hate watching their insignificant squabbles. It doesn't seem right to me, that we have a moderately good life and yet there they are, fighting each other for a their favorite spot at the dinner table.
But that's just the way kids are, I guess.
Some days, before I get home with the others, I keep thinking, What would it be like to disappear?
I know I can't do that just yet - not until the younger ones grow up a bit more. Still, one day, I'm just… not going to come back home. I don't know where I'll go, or what my family will do, but I'll just disappear.
Maybe everything will be better off without me. I don't know. Sure, it'll be one less worker, but it'll be one less mouth to feed, too.
Maybe, when I disappear, they'll never see me again. Maybe I'll die before that.
But I mean, I don't mind.
After all, death is just a phase.
--
Author's Space
Hmm. Funny how I always seem to be tapping away at this thing at about 12:00 at night when I can't get into the mood of anything else.
Sniper's a "special character" to me. I can hear his voice whispering into my ear as I write this, telling me his thoughts and what he believes.
Not quite sure I did him justice, though. Despite my little admission of insanity (who the hell hears the voice of a non-existent character in their ear?), I'm still unsure of the way I portrayed Sniper's general mindset.
Got most of the inspiration for this fic out of a background that I found on the internet with Sniper on it. The words across it are Death is only a phase… So credit to whoever made it. Not me.
Thanks for reading. Review, maybe, or flame or rant or critique. And if you just so happen to want to put this on a C2, just tell me, got it, chickadee?
Love,
fluorescentpinkfairies
(revamped 7/3/05)