A/N: Uh... Okay The Avengers are getting my own brand of twisted love. Boris (my pet plot bunny) has been on the drama carrots again and has demanded I write this *Glares* Stupid bunny.
Disclaimer: I own nothing, except maybe 12% of a toothbrush. XD
Warnings: Um... Some Tony Stark potty mouth but I think that's a standard, possible OOCness and that's it really.
FOR SCIENCE!
There is no 'I' in Team.
Prologue: Pick-Pocketed.
Like most situations this one started on beautiful sunny day...
New York was bustling hive of activity people rushing from place to place, minds cluttered with the mundane and the trivial. Amidst the throng of residents, commuters and tourist's two men walked side by side chattering amicably, well one was talking rather emphatically while the other just smiled and nodded.
"I'm telling you Bruce this will work..."
The first man was easily recognizable; Tony Stark was not someone who couldn't be recognized even if he wanted too, which of course he didn't. But even dressed down in cargo pants, t-shirt and leather jacket it was hard not to notice the dark-haired man. He waved his hands enthusiastically while trying to explain his latest idea almost knocking out a few of the passer-by's in the process.
His companion was not as easily recognizable.
He was dressed in simple cotton pants and a long sleeved button down shirt and there was an air of awkwardness about him that meant that people unconsciously gave him a wide birth. He ran a hand through the tousled grey streaked hair trying to make himself invisible among the crowd as Tony waxed lyrical, trying hard to ignore the stares being thrown their way.
"Tony..."
The billionaire stopped and shot his friend a quizzical look.
"What is it Big Guy?"
Bruce rolled his eyes and replied in a hushed tone.
"You are aware that the sidewalk is for people to you know walk and not be knocked out by low flying arms."
Stark laughed loudly and clapped a hand on the physicist's shoulder.
"Do I detect a hint of snark there my good doctor?"
The physicist gave a small cheeky smile.
"Snark Mr. Stark? I thought that was your department?"
Tony laughed again at the comment, witty come-back already spilling from his lips.
"I'm Tony Stark, everything is my department."
There was another eye roll as Banner dodged the oncoming human traffic, a look of discomfort on his face. Noticing the way the other man withdrew Tony let out a small sigh and removed his hand from Bruce's shoulder, the man was permanently uncomfortable in his own skin and it frustrated the billionaire to no end. That was the reason for today's little outing, a way to try and reacclimatize the physicist to actual human interaction. He hadn't been kidding when he said that Bruce needed to strut more, the man had so much potential it made Stark's teeth hurt but if he couldn't be around people he couldn't achieve an iota of it.
Hence Tony's radical re-introduction program.
He was about to prod the man into another bantering match when something collided with his shoulder knocking him sideways. With a growl he rounded on the something and met a pair of innocent baby blue eyes in a young masculine face. The young man looked utterly mortified and immediately began to apologize profusely; Tony smiled sharply and nodded in return at the youngster's earnest apology, knowing that Bruce would give him hell if he didn't play nice.
Stark mentally snorted at that thought, playing nice had never been in his vocabulary and he wasn't about to start now.
After finally shooing the kid away the two scientists continued their walk through the streets of New York City, talking about everything and nothing at the same time until they finally reached their destination.
"This is your luxury restaurant Tony?" A dark brow rose in exasperated amusement.
"Of course!" The billionaire grinned winningly, dragging the other man by the arm.
"It's a shawarma restaurant." Bruce tried to not sound like a scolding parent.
Tony was unfazed by his companion's lack of enthusiasm and continued tugging on his arm.
"But it's our shawarma restaurant, our secret special 'Avengers' hangout!"
"Tony... We ate here once and it was awkward as hell."
The man would not be deterred and walked into the joint still babbling on and on until it was all pretty much white noise in Bruce's ears. He'd long since adapted to tuning out Tony's nonsensical rambling and just went with it. They showed themselves to a table and pretended to peruse the menu bickering over ideas for the Ironman suit and a few other theoretical projects Bruce was working on until the waitress rather hesitantly came over.
"What would you gents like today?"
Tony flashed his patented 'Stark' smile.
"Whatever the house recommends and a cup of your finest coffee for me."
The waitress jotted down the order and turned to the other man sat at the table, the physicist quirked his lips in the semblance of a smile.
"Um... Same here, except could I have a green tea."
She scurried off to the kitchen with the order, returning five minutes later with two plates of food and their drinks. Suddenly feeling ravenous Bruce immediately dug into the food and let out a noise of approval as the flavors washed over his tongue. Whether it was because this time they hadn't just fought a life or death battle it tasted better than last time. Tony seemed to be in agreement eagerly tearing into the meat and practically drowning himself in black coffee. When they had eaten their fill the two men procrastinated over what remained of their drinks discussing their day, Tony's voice full of smug self-righteousness.
"See I told you it wouldn't be so bad."
Bruce couldn't disagree with the other man but the day was far from over, there was still plenty of time for something to go awry. He knew that his ingrained pessimism was probably unhealthy but there was already enough about him that was unhealthy that a little more wouldn't really make much of a difference. When the physicist voiced his thoughts Tony gave him an incredulous look muttering something about 'Self-esteem issues' under his breath. A bickering match over 'Strutting' later both men were ready to leave and Tony asked for the bill, which the waitress was more than happy to oblige as their heated debate had been disturbing the other customers.
Tony grinned as she returned and began groping around in his jacket for his wallet, a puzzled look crossing his face as he couldn't find it.
"Tony?" Bruce asked a little concerned.
The billionaire furrowed his brow still giving himself a thorough pat-down and turned wide eyes to his companion.
"It's gone, my wallet it's gone."
The physicist frowned it seemed odd that Tony would misplace something but certainly not out of the question, they had after all left in a hurry.
"Are you sure you didn't leave it at the tower? You could ring JARVIS and find out."
Tony paused for a second to contemplate the suggestion.
"Good idea big guy! I'll ring and sort this shit out in a nanosecond."
It was at this point the two men made important discovery number two.
"Fuck! My phone is gone as well."
Tony's brain whirred as he thought over their journey, immediately putting two and two together and growling furiously under his breath when it made five.
"That bastard fucking pick pocketed me, ME! Oh hell no I am not standing for this bullshit."
Bruce rubbed his temple trying to ease the building pressure, he'd suspected something like this was going to happen and lo and behold it had. This was the reason he didn't have or do nice things, karma usually came and bit like a bitch. He turned to the still ranting man and attempted to placate him but Tony was having absolutely none of it, lips twisted into a vicious snarl. Beside them the waitress had an odd look on her face somewhere caught between fear and exasperation and jumped when Tony stood suddenly making a bee-line for the door and cursing up a storm. He was about to walk out when he was stopped by a burly chef wielding a ladle threateningly.
"You no skip out on payment."
Tony sighed clearly not in the mood for interruptions to his tirade.
"I wasn't skipping out, I was in the middle of an important realization."
He enunciated every word like he was talking to a toddler which the chef apparently didn't like as he tapped the ladle against his thick arms, a disgruntled look on his face.
"Then pay."
The billionaire turned to Bruce and gave an uncomfortable smile.
"Bruce, pay these nice people would you..."
There was a moment of awkward silence before the physicist rather hesitantly replied.
"Um, I don't have any money..."
Tap.
Tap.
Tap.
The sound of metal bouncing off muscle filled the silent room.
"No money? Then you work."
The two scientists looked at one another in abject horror.
"Well fucknuts..." Tony muttered under his breath.
Three hours later found the two men smelling of dish soap and storming into the tower, well Tony stormed and Bruce followed quietly behind. They had finally managed to escape the 'blasted restaurant' (Bruce's description not Tony's, Tony's opinions on the place would have sounded like a flat line.) and now the billionaire was ready and raring to go and find the little fucktard that thought it was a good idea to steal from Tony fucking Stark.
"JARVIS I need you to get a GPS tracking program up and running and I need it done yesterday."
"Right away Sir. May I inquire as to what we're tracking?"
Tony glared at the ceiling as though the AI had somehow been a part of this illustrious plot to piss him the hell off.
"My phone JARVIS.."
There was a moment of awkward silence and if Bruce didn't know that the AI had no sense of humor he was sure that JARVIS would have been laughing uncontrollably at this point.
"Right away Sir."
It took JARVIS less than half an hour to locate Tony's phone and the billionaire grinned evilly as the AI displayed the coordinates on one of the many holo-screens littering their work space. Tony then grabbed his coat and made his way to the door, the look on his face meaning that he intended to cause some chaos. As an afterthought he turned to Bruce and raised an eyebrow.
"You coming big guy?"
The physicist considered it for a moment and then decided it was probably a good idea, if only to stop Tony doing something crazy that would land him in jail as he really didn't feel like being the one to bail him out or being the person to ask Pepper too. Bruce shuddered, that woman was scary sometimes. He picked up his coat and followed his friend to the door, noting Stark's rapidly widening grin with annoyance and a sharp glare in his direction.
"Don't be getting any idea's Stark. I'm coming for moral support and as your conscience."
Tony shrugged, still grinning.
He had a thief to confront.
~End Prologue~
A/N: Admittedly this is a somewhat light-hearted opening but it isn't going to stay that way. Reviews and constructive criticism appreciated.
Smaell out!