Evening all!
After the shock and heartbreak of 7x14 I decided to write a follow up story, just in case MK does her thanngg and fucks it up (if she doesn't fuck it up then I'll take that back)
Starts immediately after Hanna storms out of Ali's living room, so everything up until that point is canon. The rest is my imagination.
This will most definitely be a multi-chapter, but less -AD will be included (mentioned, but not the focal point) and it's an Emison story at heart.
I hope you enjoy!
And stay positive, Emison fans. We'll get there.
xxxxxx
Was it normal, Emily thought, to feel like passing out when you find someone is pregnant with your child? Then again, she counteracted, this wasn't a normal situation. Her entire life was anything but normal and from this point onwards she couldn't bring herself to believe it would ever get simpler. Minutes felt like hours after Hanna had stormed off, each of the remaining girls looking for an excuse to leave but at the same time not wanting to be away from the comfort the other one bought them. It was impossible.
"You don't have to stay, guys, it's late. Go home, get some rest and we'll meet up tomorrow" Ali said, barely focused, her voice dry and withered. Spencer and Aria exchanged glances.
"Yeah" Emily agreed, clearing her throat "I'm gonna stay here with Ali, you guys head home" Spencer breathed heavily, stroking Ali's shoulder as she pulled a face of intense concentration, her eyes not leaving the fireplace.
"Actually, Em, I'm supposed to be staying here tonight-" Aria began, wanting to explain what was going on with Ezra but knowing that now was really not the time. As Emily didn't say anything, with a look of annoyance in her eyes, Spencer cut in.
"It's okay, Aria, just crash in the barn with me" she offered "it's been too long since we've had a sleepover" she teased, trying to lighten the mood. Emily turned to Spencer with a smile of gratitude.
"Okay, yeah, sure let me just grab my bag. Ali is it okay if I go upstairs?" Ali turned to her.
"Yeah, of course help yourself" She said wearily. For a few moments there was silence as Aria ran upstairs.
"I know it's a stupid question but- are you two going to be alright here tonight?" She asked carefully. Ali took Emily's hand in her own as Spencer continued stroking the her back, trying to alleviate some of the pain the girls were feeling, and feeling guilty knowing that there was nothing anyone could do to make this better for either of them.
"We'll be fine" Was all she said.. Spencer looked at both of them, sadness in her eyes. Emily refused to meet hers, knowing the second she did her vulnerability and fear would seep through.
"You don't have to do that" Spencer said quietly.
"Do what?" Emily said, still not looking at her in the eye.
"Act like you're okay. You're not okay, either of you, and that's okay. That's normal. But the worst thing you could possibly do right now is pretend this isn't happening" Spencer knew it was risky, she knew that she was crossing too many boundaries that she shouldn't be, that it was for the two of them to figure out and it was her place to be there for them only when they asked for it. But it was impossible to stay out of it knowing how broken and violated two of her best friends would be feeling.
"We aren't pretending anything. My only concern right now is Ali. I'm sorry if it bothers you knowing that I don't want to spout out my feelings hoping the problem will solve itself" Emily almost spat, trying to keep her voice steady.
"Em, I just think-" Spencer began, but Ali cut her off before she could finish.
"Spencer, don't" Alison warned, not angry yet but wanting to protect Emily's feelings, knowing this conversation could wait at least until morning.
"I'm worried about you" Spencer tried one more time "you have more than each other, okay? You have us too"
"So what, Spence? I can tell you how dirty I feel right now?" As Alison's voice grew in volume, Emily's head flicked up for the first time since Hanna had stormed out. She placed a comforting hand on her thigh, trying to calm her, with little success "How knowing that this-this person this thing was prodding and poking at me while I was passed out in a hospital bed? To know that I'm carrying the girl I- my best friends child without her knowledge or consent. To tell you that no matter how many showers I take or-or movies I watch or hugs I receive the ghost of the hands that restrained me and injected me will never leave. Ever. Because that's how I feel, Spence. I feel violated. I feel dirty. I feel ruined"
"Ali-" Emily said, holding her hand more tightly and putting the other arm around her shoulder as Ali continued to stare at Spencer.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry" Spencer said, looking Ali in the eye, forcing contact. Ali softly shook her head.
"No I-I'm sorry. You were just being kind" Ali smiled softly, pulling Spencer down for a hug. Aria reappeared a moment later, her bag hooked on her arm. She knew as she stepped foot back in the living room she was interrupting something.
"Is everything okay?" She asked, walking forward to stand by Emily's side, seeing Ali's bloodshot eyes- whether from exhaustion or tears or both nobody knew.
"I think we're going now" Spencer told Aria "these two need some time" Aria nodded silently, kissing the top of Emily's head and stroking Ali's arm before turning around with Spencer.
"Love you" Spencer called to the pair of them."always" They both mustered a reciprocating smile, and the other two left, the soft slam of the door echoing throughout the house. Emily fell into Alison as the latter wrapped her arms around her and rested her head on the top of Emily's.
"We'll be okay" Emily said softly, playing with one of the buttons of Ali's jacket to give her hands something to do.
"I know" Alison practically hummed, closing her eyes. "we always are" For a while they sat in front of the fire, unsure of what to say to the other but needing to be together. Ali was sure Emily had fallen asleep, so when the fire finally died down and the room suddenly became colder, she held her close and carried her to the bedroom, not knowing what the next day was going to bring, just knowing that it would be okay, as long as they had each other.
…...
Her head thumped, enduringly, constantly in the background of her life, like a petulant child begging, screaming, for another scoop of ice cream. She sat in the bleachers of the pool, alone and unprepared, trying to sort herself out before the meet this afternoon. Her girls had worked hard for this, and she didn't want to be the one to ruin it. The smell of chlorine, usually one to help her mind rest, poisoned her nose. It was unrelenting, and all she wanted to do was race home, proper home, California home, and lie in a bed- she didn't particularly care whose- and stay there. Forever. For a while she sat, letting the gentle sway of the water calm her for just a moment. She let her mind rush back to the best days- the days where she could swim. The days where being in the pool was all she needed to be content. The days where she knew, from every piece of her soul, that she was good. That she was good enough. Her heart ached for those days. She let her eyes droop shut, her vision clouded with memories of Rosewood High.
"If I had known I could sleep on the job I would've become a teacher much sooner" Emily was cut out off her dream by the only voice that, at the moment, she felt like listening to.
"Ali" she sighed, smiling slightly "Hi" She slowly bought her legs back down to the ground, and pulled her jacket back over her exposed shoulders.
"Hey" Ali said sincerely, with a warm smile.
"I didn't know any one else was here" Emily said, at a loss of what to say. Ali laughed, but Emily felt she could detect a little bitterness.
"You weren't there when I woke up" Ali said, shrugging "it wasn't hard to guess where you'd be" Emily nodded understandingly and looked down at the tiled floor, paying too much attention to a smeared grey stain.
"Have you heard from the girls?" She attempted conversation again. Alison just shook her head.
"Not since last night. I think Hanna took to retail therapy with Aria and Spencer's mum is taking her for lunch" Emily felt like choking. Her and Ali had never so much had had an awkward silence, but this seemed so much more heartbreaking. She didn't want this baby to break what they already had.
"I'm glad Spence and Veronica are talking" She said truthfully "no more relationships need to be destroyed because of ...this" It was a word arbitrary in it's meaning, but unbearably heavy in the context. Ali didn't even smile, but nodded in strong agreement. She loudly inhaled, and moved closer to the edge of the water.
"I remember watching you swim in this pool for the first time" She stated with a smirk, turning with her hands out, trying to get Emily out of her seat. Emily took the bait, treading carefully down the metal steps and taking a light hold of Alison's hand, their fingers connecting for a moment, an electric shock passing through them as they did.
"You do?" Emily said, not convinced. "that was over 10 years ago" She raised her eyebrows and Ali released her hand so she could flip off her small heeled shoes.
"I do" she said matter-of-factly "you were in that lane over there" she said, pointing the 3rd lane in the pool "we were 14, and it was the end of the year. I remember thinking how different it felt, watching you succeed at something to when one of the others did" She sighed, plopping her feet in the warm water, pulling Em down with her.
"What do you mean?" The latter asked. Alison took a moment before replying, and it was obvious to Emily it was because she was a little ashamed of the words that were about to come out of her mouth.
"It was always different" she said, her fingers tracing delicate whirlpools that splashed at Emily's ankles "whenever Spencer won an award for another fricking essay, or Aria won her short story competitions, or even Hanna when she started making new friends, I was jealous. I didn't admit it then, obviously, but I was so jealous that I wanted to ruin it for them. I wanted to take it away from them" Her cheeks started to redden, and Emily took her palm to it.
"It's okay, Ali" She said. Ali smiled thoughtfully and turned her head away.
"But with you" she continued as if nothing had happened "I remember that was the first meet where you beat the school record. I had never been so proud of somebody. Actually, I think that was the first time I had ever been proud of a person." Emily didn't really know what to reply to that, but she could picture the day as if it were just last week. Her dad had come home for the weekend, especially to see his Emmy swim, all her friends sat in the front row, but the only one she even focused on was Ali. Her presence made her heart beat so fast she thought she would've passed out before even stepping foot in the water. Looking back, she knew it was pathetic. But the little wink Ali gave her, blowing her kiss simultaneously, was what Emily thought of as she powered through the water.
"Mum and dad took us all for pizza after" she remembered fondly.
"I didn't know then" Ali said, continuing the small whirlpools, not able to look Emily in the eye. "I didn't know why I wasn't jealous. I didn't know why seeing you so happy made me happy aswell" Emily cleared her throat, not wanting to have this conversation when Ali wasn't ready.
"And here we are" She stated "10 years later in the same town with the same friends" Alison chuckled, pulling herself from the water. "I saved a seat for you" She stuttered, still knocking her legs back and forth in the water. "Every meet. We reserved a spot for you in the front row" Alison didn't say anything, instead drying her feet off and slipping her heels back on.
"I came to a few of them" she said bluntly. There was silence for a few minutes, neither of the girls knowing quite how to act. Alison walked forward, back towards the edge of the pool, stretching out a hand for Emily to pull herself up with. She did.
"Thanks" she smiled, their hands lingering on each others for a second too long. She sauntered over to her spot, grabbing a towel and rubbing it around her ankles as she climbed back into her DM's. As the silence between the two haunted them both, she decided to break it. "Why did you come, here, Ali?" She asked bluntly, turning around to face her with a crease between her brows.
"I told you" Alison said, a little taken aback at the change in tone "You weren't with me when I woke up, I had to check you were okay"
"So you came here before calling me? Or Hanna to see if I went home?" Ali nodded her head simply.
"Yes"
"I don't like leaving you alone" Emily admitted, tying her hair into a ponytail to give her hands something to do. "but I needed some space this morning"
"And I don't like you worrying about me so much" Alison counteracted "but I wanted to see you. I wanted to make sure you're okay" Alison sighed and crossed her arms, looking Emily directly in the eye.
"I'm fine, Ali. I'm more concerned about you" Ali slightly rolled her eyes, uncrossing her arms and taking steps closer to Emily, holding her either side.
"Let's just agree that we're both as equally worried about each other" she teased, trying to lighten the mood. Emily laughed softly, and for a moment their eyes refused to leave each other, she could hardly blink. The moment was interrupted by Emily's phone bleeping, sounding louder than it usually did. "Em?" Alison jogged her when she didn't grab to answer it. "it's your mom" Emily cringed, rolling her head back before answering it.
"Mom? Are you okay?" She answered. There was inaudible words coming from the other end and Ali frowned when Emily turned her back to her. "I'll be there now" she ended the conversation.
"What's going on?" Ali asked carefully, not wanting to agitate Emily.
"I'm going for lunch with my mother" She said quietly.
"Okay" Alison replied, hiding her disappointment. "shall I see you at home? What are your plans for the rest of the day?"
"What home, Ali?" Emily questioned, a knowing edge to her tone. At the look on Ali's face, she softened. "No. You're coming with me" Alison raised her eyebrow. "I can't face my mother alone" she laughed "you're like my personal calming drug" She shrugged, smiling with a little glint in her.
"Come on" Ali replied "can't keep Mrs. F waiting" Together they walked out, both still mighty confused- but undeniably happy to be with each other.
…...
"Unbelievable" Hanna snapped, slamming her thumb down on the little red circle for the 5th time.
"Did she come home last night?" Caleb offered "maybe she decided to stay the night at Alison's" Hanna shook her head dramatically.
"No, Caleb. She always phones when she sleeps at Ali's" Caleb frowned.
"I didn't realize those two had an 'always'" Hanna chuckled and threw her arms around his neck.
"I don't think they even realise they have an always" She pointed out, bringing his lips to her as her lifted her up and put her onto the counter.
"Stop worrying so much." he whispered "she's a big girl" He leant down and kissed her fiercely, her legs wrapping around his waist, his hands trailing her arms, sending goose bumps up and down her spine. They were interrupted by the door bell echoing throughout the loft, and Caleb groaned as Hanna jumped down from the counter. He followed her, his hand placed suggestively on her bum.
"Down boy" she whispered, and he winked as she pulled open the front door. Hanna was happily surprised to find Ali standing behind.
"Hey, Han" She greeted her with a smile "Caleb" she smiled just as warmly.
"Ali! Hey, come in" Hanna invited her inside "is everything okay?" Ali frowned, looking around the loft.
"Is Em not here?" She asked a little bluntly. Hanna smirked at Caleb.
"Er no-no but we are. And Aria and Spence are coming over later" She offered.
"Sorry that was really rude" Ali said sheepishly "I didn't mean it to be. Me and Em made plans this afternoon- she told me to meet her here" Hanna pulled a face.
"She hasn't been home since last night. Have you not heard from her?" Alison's eyes widened with worry.
"No-no she didn't stay over last night." she fumbled in her bag, pulling out her phone to look for any missed calls. She had none "I had dinner with Spencer and then crashed. We went to lunch with her mom a few days ago but I haven't seen her since " She dialled Emily's number and frantically pulled the phone to her ear.
"I've tried" Hanna told her "like a bazillion times" Alison kept trying regardless.
Hey, it's Emily. You know what to do.
Ali didn't know why her mind was flooding with horrific images of Emily lying dead in a gutter. Emily passed out at bar somewhere in California. Emily asleep, surrounded by men she didn't want to be with. Emily asleep, surrounded by women that she did. Emily stolen by AD.
"I'll call Pam" Alison decided, hanging up the phone but turning the volume up to the maximum should she miss a call from Em.
"We aren't allowed to call Mrs. Fields Pam" Hanna said with a hauntingly disturbed quality to her tone "I got yelled at when I tried." Caleb chuckled and stroked her back, placing a tender kiss on her temple.
"Whatever, Han. Have you called her?"
"No. Ali, calm down. Give it a few more hours before we tell her mom. She's most likely fine" Alison humphed, chewing the inside of her cheek. She tucked down the skirt of her dress and flopped onto the sofa.
"Okay, but if we don't hear from her within an hour-" She began.
"Cross my heart, we'll bring out the whole of Rosewood until she's found" She jiggled her shoulders with a grin. "so... now you don't have lunch plans do you wanna stay with me, Spence and Aria?" Ali smiled acceptingly.
"Thanks, Han" There was a comfortable silence as Caleb got up from the couch, squeezing Hanna's thigh before he did so.
"I think I'm gonna check on Toby" he announced, sighing loudly. "I haven't heard from him in a couple of days" Hanna's face fell at the reminder of the tragic loss that Toby was going through, the atmosphere suddenly dropping a few degrees.
"Okay, yeah. I think that's a good idea" She said, standing up with him to let him out "text me when you get there?"
"Of course" He kissed her quickly "love you babe!" He called with a grin as he left.
"Wine?" Hanna asked Ali with a smirk. Her eyes widened with horror as she realised her mistake "shoot, sorry" Alison laughed softly, shaking her head.
"It's fine, Han" Hanna proceeded to (arguably a little insensitively) pour herself a glass of Merlot, bringing over a bag of chips for the girls to share. Alison nibbled at one, but ultimately it took her a least a few minutes to down. "You seem happy" She said, motioning to the door the Caleb had just walked out of. Hanna's face broke into a breathtaking smile, lighting up her eyes.
"We are" she assured Ali "I mean, don't get me wrong I hate that he hurt Spencer. I hate that I hurt Spencer but-"
"you guys make way more sense than he and her ever did, Han. I think even Spence knows that" Hanna frowned a little nostalgically, taking a glug from her glass. "I miss that" Alison mused, the words slipping out of her mouth before she even realised she thought them,.
"Miss what?" Hanna questioned, moving closer to her friend. She shoved the bowl of chips in front of her, forcing her to eat it. Ali reluctantly took it, more so because it wasted time as she tried to think of an explanation for what she had just said than anything else. When she could no longer avoid Hanna's scrutinizing glare,she let up.
"Having someone" She said melancholic "Obviously, Elliot turned out to be a freak but for minute there I really thought- I don't know, I really thought that I was going to have my chance at a little bit of happiness" Hanna's face screwed up into a ball of disbelief. She was very close to rolling her eyes, but passed it off as a particularly aggressive blink.
"Sorry" she said, a little exasperated "I don't buy it" Ali squinted and tilted her head.
"I don't remember asking for you to buy it, Han" She shot, grabbing a handful of chips and putting them in her mouth simultaneously.
"Okay, first of all, ouch. And second of all, I thought we had already decided that you didn't love him. Him isn't even Elliot, why do you still call him that?" Ali raised her eyebrows and Hanna's lack of thought, but eventually smiled.
"I didn't. But I thought I did. And I know it's the not same but it was nice thinking that I had that great love, even if it was just for a few months." Hanna snorted, wine splashing over her mauve lipstick. Ali laughed heavily, grabbing napkins off the table to blot out the inevitable red wine stain that was going to be left on her white dress.
"What's so funny you were willing to ruin a 500 dollar dress for?" Alison teased as Hanna threw on one of Calebs jumpers to cover the stain.
"You have a great love story" She pushed, taking another gulp of wine "you're just too stubborn to own it" Alison could feel her cheeks redden and she got up from the couch. Her heels echoed throughout the loft, and Hanna watched as she poured herself a glass of orange juice, actively avoiding any eye contact.
"I don't know what you're talking about" Alison rebuffed Hanna's advances, looking at the watch on her wrist for a little too long to be believable. "when are Spence and Aria getting here?" She asked, attempting to change the subject.
"Sure you do" Hanna shrugged, following her to the kitchen and leaping on top of the counter. "I see the way you look at her when you think none of us are watching"
"Hanna, stay out of it" Alison growled, throwing her glass down on the counter. Hanna gasped.
"So you do know what I'm talking about!" Hanna yelled excitedly "she feels the same way, by the way. She always has." Ali sighed, leaning against the counter top. Her eyes dropped shut and she rubbed her temple. Softly, Hanna placed a hand on her back. "I'm only saying this because I care about you, Ali. I just want to see you happy"
"Now isn't the time for happiness" She said, motioning to her stomach. "I'm pregnant with her child, Hanna. Emily's child"
"That doesn't change anything" Hanna fought back "it just makes a little harder"
"Exactly" Ali said, rolling her eyes. "I don't want to have to fight for our happiness. I want it to be natural." Hanna scoffed.
"Don't feel sorry for yourself, Ali." she said a little harshly. When Alison raised her eyebrow, walking away from her again, Hanna softened her tone "Ali, you don't have to wait to be happy. If there's something, right now, that makes you smile, do it. You might not ever get the chance to again. God knows you deserve it" It was barely a whisper. Ali smiled softly.
"I'm working on it Han, I promise" Before Hanna could come up with a retort, the door bell rang once again.
"That'll be Aria and Spence" Hanna said, jumping to open another bottle of wine "can you get it?" Ali nodded.
"Why are you ringing the doorbell?" She teased as she pulled open the heavy door. Only it wasn't Spencer or Aria. Or anybody she had even the smallest desire to see. It took a second for a her to readjust her face into one of less contempt.
"Paige" she acknowledged "what are you doing here?" Paige's eyes popped when she saw Ali, clearly not expecting the blonde to be there. She didn't say anything, but Ali followed her gaze which landed on a figure in the hallway.
"Em" Ali breathed a sigh of relief, running over to her and helping her up. She could barely stand on two feet, her eyes dropping and her ankles bending backwards. "Help me get her inside, will you?" Alison spat at Paige. She moved quickly, grabbing Emily by the waist as Ali supported her shoulders. Together, they laid her out on the sofa, Alison grabbing a nearby blanket and wrapping it around her so she could sleep.
"Is she drunk? Where has she been?" Paige looked utterly intimidated as Hanna stormed across from the kitchen to see what was going on. She had barely spoken two words since coming face to face with Alison.
"I don't know" Paige admitted quietly, siding eyeing both Hanna and Alison, her eyeballs flicking from one to the other, trying to gauge their reactions "she-she came to my apartment last night crying and she stayed over" Alison audibly gulped, but Paige didn't dare look her in the eye. "but when I woke up in the middle of the night to get water she was gone. She called me this morning drunk off her ass and I've been searching around town for the last three hours trying to find her"
Alison wanted to throw up.
"Where was she?" Hanna asked, seeing the disgust in Ali's eyes.
"Some rock by the lake. I found her bike and followed the tracks" Paige examined Alison's body language, noticing the twitch of her neck at the mention of this rock. "you know it?" She asked, directed at Alison. She smiled curtly.
"Yeah" Was all she said. There was an awkward silence as Hanna scuttled off to grab a bowl and a glass of water, while Alison knelt down to stroke the stray hair out of Emily's face. "thank you for bringing her" she swallowed her anger, grateful that Paige was there for her, yet still not quite able to turn her gaze away from Em.
"Of course" she said. "Let me know if she needs anything" She offered kindly.
"I think I've got it from here" Alison subtly warned her "she's got everything she's going to need" Paige smiled awkwardly, turning for the front door.
"It was a pleasure as always, Alison" She said as she yanked it open "Tell Emily I had fun last night" And with that she was gone. Alison flushed crimson with anger, grabbing a plastic bottle from the bin and lobbing at the the door that just slammed shut.
"What a conniving little bitch" She hissed "I swear to God, I don't know who the hell she thinks she is, strutting around thinking she's the greatest thing to happen to Emily since-"
"Alison" Hanna eased her, walking over to her and bringing her into a hug "calm down" Ali seemed to let go as Hanna held her. Then she remembered.
"They had sex" She stated "they actually had sex. So much for telling me she feels the same way, Hanna" She said in hushed tones, careful not to wake up the sleeping girl behind her.
"Who had sex?" Alison flashed around to find Aria and Spencer opening the door, one with a cheesecake and the other a bottle of champagne. Alison rolled her eyes..
"brilliant" She muttered. Hanna welcomed them inside, grabbing glasses.
"You don't know that, Ali" she insisted "Paige has always enjoyed stirring the pot between you two"
"Why do you care if they slept together?" Spencer enquired. Sometimes Alison forgot not everybody felt the same tension between her and Emily as she did when they were together.
"I don't" she lied "but we all know Em's preferred coping technique, I don't want her to drown her problems by throwing herself into bed with the first lesbian she finds" Hanna sauntered over with glasses of champagne, handing one to Ali. When she declined, she shook her head "come on, you're allowed a glass a week aren't you?" Ali swallowed hard and look to Spencer for reassurance that this was, in fact, the case.
"Yeah, you are" She promised her with a comforting squeeze of her hand. So Ali reluctantly took a glass from Hanna. Tentatively, she took a few small sips, enjoying the the rush of the bubbles raising to the top her mouth, and delicately falling down her throat, numbing it for a second and leaving behind a cool, crisp, smooth feeling that was like nothing else.
"Should we do something?" Aria murmured, pointing to Emily who was still out cold on the sofa. "I feel like we should be doing something" Hanna shrugged her shoulders.
"We could wake her up" She suggested "get her into the shower, sober her up"
"No" Alison shut it off "just leave her" She looked at Hanna and Hanna knew immediately what Alison was thinking. Truthfully, she didn't want to admit that while Emily was still sleeping she couldn't be mad at her. The problem would start the second she woke up. For a while the 4 girls sat around the table, laughing and drinking; Alison seemed to be the only one that was obsessing over their 5th member who still lay motionless on the sofa.
"She should've phoned us" Ali said, unintentionally, out loud, interrupting whatever the girls were talking about,
"Who should've phoned us, Ali?" Aria asked, her face dripping with concern.
"Paige" Ali said it like a curse word. Hanna wanted to throw her cheesecake at Alison's face. She refrained. What had happened to subtly?
"I deleted her number when she broke Emily's heart the first time" Hanna said "I'm sure she did the same. Stop worrying, Ali." Spencer looked quickly between the two of them, examining Hanna's shuffle and Alison's hard stare. She said nothing, but took a mental note of the exchange. The hours stretched on and still Emily slept, knee high boots still plastered on. Ali sat at her side, ensuring she was safe.
"Ali?" Spence came up behind, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. Alison jumped, a knee-jerk reaction. When she saw it was just Spence she breathed a sigh of relief.
"Sorry" she apologised with a weak smile. "are you okay?" Spencer smiled and sat down next to Ali, watching Emily with a sad smile.
"I think we're going to go over to the barn if you want to join us" Spencer offered "Hanna's desperate to play some Wii game that Caleb left over there" Ali didn't even need to think about it.
"I think someone should stay with her" Alison said, her gaze lingering on Emily, placing a light hand on her shoulder. Her and Spencer exchanged a look for a moment, and for a second she was scared that Spencer had figured it out; she supposed it was only a matter of time.
"Okay, yeah I think that's a good idea. Do you want me to stay with you?" She offered.
"No- honestly, go get drunk and play videos. I'm just gonna bring her up to bed and the crash anyway" She chuckled, leaning her head on Spencer's shoulder.
"Are we going?" Aria called as she skipped over to the pair "I want to get drunk"
"I completely agree" Hanna chimed in, already wrapped in a cashmere throw, her leather boots on and bag in hand.
"Are you sure?" Spencer said, talking to Ali.
"Yeah, sweetie. She needs someone right now" Spencer stood up, and in act out of character placed a small kiss on Ali's cheek, grasping her hand and squeezing.
"Call me if you need anything. I'm staying sober" Ali laughed loudly.
"I'll believe that when I see it"
"We'll see you tomorrow?" Hanna reassured herself, hugging Alison tightly "come to the barn. We're staying there all day"
"We are?" Spencer questioned.
"Yeah, Spence. I'm not going to want to move from my bed"
"I'll bring breakfast" Ali agreed. With a tight hug from Aria, she waved the three of them out the door. She smiled to herself, grabbing a magazine off the coffee table and resuming her place at Emily's side, clearing her throat when the room became too quiet. Emily's constant but heavy breathing and the flicks of paper as Ali turned the page of whatever dross fashion magazine Hanna had picked out that day were the only sounds. It was peaceful. Alison let her gaze linger for a moment on Emily's sleeping form. Though her hair was unwashed and her make up smudged, Ali still thought she was one of the most beautiful girls she knew. It was difficult to remember that she was angry at her when she looked so childlike, so vulnerable. She rolled over to face Ali, that first time she had moved since they had been left alone. Ali always loved how much softer she looked in her sleep, not that she was usually harsh but the worries that plagued their lives just seemed to slip away when she was sleeping. She wanted nothing more than to curl up next to her.
But everything was different now
Emily didn't want her like that any more, she had taken too long deciding.
"If you keep watching me sleep I'm going to go home" Emily mumbled, clawing her eyes open and yawning. Alison jumped, dropping the magazine she wasn't really reading in surprise. Emily smirked teasingly when she saw what had happened, and Ali couldn't help but laugh.
And then she remembered. And her laugh vanished. Emily made movements to get up, but as she flung her legs off the sofa and stood up, she toppled right back down again.
"You are home, Em" Ali shot back.
"Oh god" she said, holding a hand to her forehead and curling herself back inside the blanket. "what the hell happened?" Her head poked out from the amass of fluff she was protecting herself with. Ali wasn't too sure how to approach it.
"You don't remember?" She said trying to hold the in the wobbles of her voice "you decided to go and get really drunk after spending the night at Paige's" She dropped it in, attempting to be casual, but turned away to make herself a cup of tea to give her hands something to do. Emily's face dropped.
"Ali, I-" She began.
"Here" Alison said, cutting her off "drink." She handed her a glass of iced water, and Emily took it, not letting their eye contact break.
"Alison" She said, and Ali was taken aback at the use of her full name; it was a rare occurrence to hear it from Emily's mouth. "Talk to me"
"About what, Em? About how the first person you think to call when you're upset is Paige? About how you ended up having sex with her last night? About how you chose-"
"Wait, what are you talking about?" Alison's mouth flopped shut.
"Paige found you this morning passed out by the kissing rock. She said you stayed the night" Alison blushed against her better judgement, internally hating how insecure this was making her feel.
"And from that you assumed we had sex?" Emily's voice was growing in volume "I needed a friend, Ali. I needed someone's shoulder to cry on and that's all it was. I can't talk to you about this because it's you whose pregnant, and I want to be there for you. Hanna's too concerned about why she has to have another turn at the game to listen to anything we need, Aria is wrapped up with this whole Nicole business which, frankly, none of us give a damn about because we all know they're going to end up happy eventually, and Spencer has just found out her entire life is a lie while simultaneously being shot in the chest. So, yes, I'm sorry that I found a friend in Paige last night. But don't you dare make assumptions about who I have and have not had sex with." Emily seemed shocked at her own anger, her heart was thumping loudly in her chest, her head pounding faster than it was before.
"Okay, fine. I'm sorry I shouldn't have made the jump" Ali conceded "but you could've come to me, Em. I thought that was our whole...thing. We're there for each other no matter what" Ali moved closer to her, sitting next to her on the sofa. Emily steadied her breath, closed her eyes for a moment and calming herself.
"I was scared" she admitted "because I don't know what to do, Ali. I don't understand how this happened and I don't understand why. And if I'm scared? That's nothing to what you must be feeling and I didn't want to make that worse" Ali felt the sting of tears rise to her eyes, and hastily pushed them back.
"We're in this together, Em." was all she said. For a while there was silence. "Why did Paige seem so worried about you?" She knew it was risky, diverting back to the Paige topic; but she had to know. She just couldn't express why she had to know. Emily rolled her eyes. "Did anything happen between the two of you?" Emily sighed, looking at anything except Alison.
"Yes" she muttered. Ali felt her heart sink to her stomach. "But we didn't sleep together. It wasn't even last night" Alison said nothing, waiting for her to continue. "It was a kiss. That's all."
"Okay" Alison sighed. She looked for more words, words that would express something, anything, meaningful and helpful, but there was nothing. They were trapped circling her brain, abusing her insides, lurking in the shadows "okay." she repeated.
"That's it?" Emily questioned "you were ready to slap me when you thought I slept with her" she frowned sceptically.
"Right" Ali agreed. She threw herself back against the back of the couch, hers and Emily's legs slightly touching now. "I want to scream at you. I want to throw something at you. But I have no reason to. I have no reason to feel cheated on because we aren't together. So this is my problem. I just want you to be happy" Emily gulped, fighting through her hangover to sit up straight, taking Alison's hand in her own.
"It was a slip" she said quietly "I wanted to go back to how it was before. I wanted to go back to Cali, I wanted to go back to a life without AD" She looked down at the ground, her hand still clasping Ali's in an apologetic but comforting embrace.
"You'd still have that if I hadn't dragged you here" Ali whispered, not having the strength to look at Emily. "this is whole thing is my fault" Emily titled her head, moving her hand to the soft corners of Ali's jaw, turning her head, forcing her to look at her. She looked into her eyes for a second and saw something so raw, so honest and heartbreaking that she wanted to collapse into the girls embrace there and then. Because she truly believed this. She could see in the deep cracks, the damaged boundaries of her eyes that Alison really believed this whole thing was her fault. And the thought shattered Emily's heart.
"Don't" Emily said the word, her voice breaking "ever say that again" A small, perfect tear drop fell from Alison's eye, alone, but pure. Intense.
"I just want you to be happy, Em" she said "and if Paige makes you happy then I'm not going to make you feel guilty about being with her"
"Paige made me happy" Emily corrected her "and I don't want to lie to you Ali, Paige represents everything I had in college. She represents my safe place to land" There was a silence as Ali processed everything she was hearing, more tears falling from her eyes. She hurriedly pushed them away, squandering whatever she was feeling.
"Then be with her!" Alison yelled abruptly "if you want something safe and boring then save us the drama and be with her." She moved away from Emily, standing tall in front of her.
"God, Ali why do you never listen? Why do we always have to turn this into something that it's not?" Emily had all but forgotten about her hangover as she stood up next to Alison, becoming angrier at Alison's stubbornness.
"Em, you kissed her," Alison thought she was winning; it was her turn to make Emily admit she was wrong.
"Oh so you're allowed to get married, but I'm not allowed to kiss someone?" Alison rolled her eyes, walking away from Emily with her arms crossed.
"That's different" She muttered "she's not just someone. And Elliot was me trying to prove something to myself" She regretted saying the words the minute they slipped out, but Emily raised an eyebrow, rocking her hips.
"Trying to prove what, Alison?" Ali didn't reply, instead choosing to wander over to the window, turning her back to Emily.
"I think I should go" She said weakly, grabbing her purse "I only stayed to make sure you were okay." And so she hurried across to the door, yanking it open and running out before Emily could even try to stop her.
"Oh sure Ali run away. We all know how much you love running away" she muttered to herself, throwing a cushion at the door the blonde had just vanished through, and dragging herself upstairs to bed.
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