Okay, this is ridiculously silly. I am just in stitches over writing this. Hope you will be too!

I don't own FF VII or any of her characters. I just use them in apparently silly ways.

"Man, I hate stake outs..."

"..."

"I hear you, man. Why the hell are we in a fucking dumpster for a stake out, anyway? You'd think Rufus would at least give us a car or a van or some shit like that."

"..."

"Glad you agree with me, Rude. How much longer you think they'll be in there?"

"..."

"That long? Shit. I didn't even bring something to read. I've already memorized the ingredient list and nutritional information from my pack of Funions. Lemme see what your Frito's have in them."

"...hmmm..."

"Huh? What's wr- Fuck, Rude! What the fuck is the matter with you, farting like that in here?"

"Better out than in."

"Not in an enclosed space, you bald bastard. (pinches nose) Shit, I can almost taste that. (gags) What the fuck crawled up your ass and DIED?!"

"Nothing. You don't have to cry about it."

"I'm not crying, Rude. The stench is making my eyes tear up. It's like you set off a goddamn mustard bomb in here. (pulls shirt up over nose) Open the lid."

"Can't."

"What the fuck do you mean, you can't? I'm dying cause of your ass. Literally. What did you eat to make it that noxious?"

"Chili dog. Hot wings. Broccoli."

"Fuck you, dude! Why the HELL did you eat that when you knew we had a stake out today?!"

"..."

"I don't give a shit if you were in the mood for it or not, you sick bastard! They'll be calling in the fucking HAZMAT guys cause you couldn't keep your ass shut!"

"Someone's coming out the back door."

"Fuck...(slides to the bottom of the dumpster and tries not to retch)"

"Om my gawd...what the hell died out here? CLOUD! Did you leave a dead Malboro in the dumpster?" (Cloud pokes his head out of the door frame)

"No. Uhhhg, what's that smell, Tifa?"

"That's what I was asking you. Guess we'll have to hose it out or something. Wonder if Denzel tried cooking again..." (walks back inside)

"If I ever get outta this dumpster, I'm gunna not only kick your ass, but buy you a fucking life-time supply of Gas-B-Gone."

"...hmmm..."

"FUCKING HELL RUDE! ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?!"

"..."

"That's it. Rufus can get his own fucking recipe for chocolate cake. I'm outta here. (climbs out of dumpster) FUCK! My suit is fucking permeated with the STENCH! Fah!"

"...!"

"Where the fuck else am I going? I'm going to see if Tifa'll let me borrow her washer and dryer. Your smelly ass is going to stay in there and ROT." (walks to the door)

"...plan GRAGFNY is set in motion..."

omg...I wrote this, and I'm STILL cracking up! Rofl

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