Never Have I French kissed a Teddy Bear

Winds of Change

Sapphirewyren

A/U: This takes place in my Winds of Change universe. If you don't know what that is then read my ongoing Winds of Change series: s/12174878/1/Winds-of-Change there's the link, go read it.

Author's Note: This is a side ficlet that goes in between the chapters of Winds of Change. You can read these as a stand-alone if you want, but if they make references to the series you most likely will be clueless. This fanfic takes place after Chapter 11: Secret Meetings and Strange Bedfellows.

Suit: .

Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing, but I'm working on buying the rights (jk)

The night was young, the sky twinkled with bright stars and the moon gazed down on the Hellsing Manor. Inside the manor, Alucard, Seras and Sam sat in the living room talking. It was the rare moments when Alucard and Sam weren't trying to kill each other. And it was rare break between hunting down rogue vampires and exterminating Chimera nests. They were discussing the most embarrassing moments that happened to them. For Alucard it was when he had unknowingly walked through horse manure and tracked it into his throne room, when he was King of Romania*. The unfortunate fool to snicker was made to lick up the horse manure before watching his family roast alive. For Sam was when she first learned to shift into her beast form, she didn't know that she didn't need to be naked to shift, by the time she realized that Sam didn't have a stitch of clothing on her. Of course; now she didn't mind taking off her clothes, if only her boss was interested. And for Seras, when she had first became a police officer, when she was in a situation that called for her drawing her gun, she took out her walkie talkie instead. Seras had to remind herself, walkie talkie on the right and gun on the left.

"I wonder what Sir Integra's dark secret is." Said Seras.

"I bet it's juicy" said Sam.

Just then the Hellsing commander walked into the living, taking off her necktie and blazer, she tossed the articles on an empty chair, flopped down on the couch in a most unknightly manner and lit up a cigar. Integra noticed her three 'pets' staring at her. "What? I'm allowed to relax." The three looked at each other, Sam sidled close to Integra and purred; "What is your most embarrassing secret?", while reaching for the cigar in the commander's mouth, Integra raised a pale eyebrow, holding the cigar out of reach from the shapeshifter. "When I was fourteen, I began a three -year phase of French kissing any stuffed animal I could get my mouth on." All three of their mouth fell open, including Alucard who thought he knew everything or almost everything there was about his master. Integra chuckled at the stunned expressions on their faces. Not only had she said that in calm voice, but she didn't even ask why they had wanted to know. "You…did….that?" asked Seras "I thought it would be something like tripping over your gown at a ball or something." Integra laughed; "No, it wasn't anything like that." Sam; who had flopped over Integra's lap when she heard of the stuffed animals and decided to stay there when her boss began to absentmindedly run her hands through her hair, said "You made that up." Alucard nodded in agreement; "Master, I never knew that."

"Of course you didn't. You also didn't know of the time when I had Walter take me to a toy store, just so I could find the perfect kissing partner in the teddy bear aisle. Did you know that mostly stuffed dogs had open mouths? I got a new stuffed dog that day." The room was now silent as the other three tried to process this new information about their boss' childhood. Alucard burst out in laughter, Seras turned red and Sam said "I could be your teddy bear if you want." "No thank you, I am quite over that now."

"How did you find the perfect kissing partner in the toy store?" asked Alucard. Integra blew out a puff of smoke and said; "Let's just say, I came home with a lot of cotton and polyester blend in my mouth that day."

"You mean you..." Seras couldn't finish the sentence and Integra merely nodded her confirmation.

"I still say you're making it up." said Sam. Integra shrugged; "You asked a question, I merely answered it."

"Wish I could see that now," said Seras. "Too bad that store is probably now around after four hundred years."

"The good news is I did get the video of that" smirked Integra "the bad news is, it's somewhere around here."

"How'd you get it?" asked Alucard.

"How do you think? I had to steal it. You think a store owner is going to give a 14-year-old any of their surveillance video?"

"So where's the video?" asked Seras, bouncing up and down like an excited puppy.

Integra made a show of remembering before saying; "I would try the portraits if I were you." All three of them ran out of the room towards the hall. Integra sighed as she took another long drag from her cigar; "They'll believe anything."