This is the letter that Dougie leaves for his wife Ella (from Never Ending) after his death. I'd love to know what you think!
xoUntilxoKingdomxoComexo
Ella; my beautiful, crazy wife,
I'm sorry. If I had the choice then I would never leave you like I have if you're reading this letter. Now that's a weird thing to say while you're still alive (sorry, I'm rubbing it in aren't I). If I could, then I would change the past. Make it so that I didn't get sick and I didn't die. I wish I hadn't. The concept of leaving you, Ella, is incomprehensible to me and I can't imagine what you must be feeling right now but know that I loved until those very last moments, and I will continue loving you until the end of forever. I know that you probably feel all alone right now, but believe me when I say (write?) that you have so many people who want to support you and make sure that you're okay.
Knowing you; your mind is all over the place right now. So I have made a list of stuff; some are rules and some are things that I want you to do. Some of them are simple but some of them will be harder for you. I want you to try though, okay Ella?
#1 – No-one (and I mean no-one – even you) is to wear all black to my funeral. I want everyone to wear at least one crazy colour like red or orange or blue. A colour other that black is not grey or white. So don't even try to get around it.
#2 – You can cry at the funeral because it's... well, it's a funeral. After that though Ella, no more tears. You are not to pull a Queen Victoria and mourn me until you're dead too because that's pretty boring to be honest. I want you laughing and smiling. I want you really laughing and really smiling, not that fake crap.
#3 – Don't shut everyone out Ella, remember; they lost me too. I can't believe I'm saying this, but go shopping with the girls. Go and spend money like you have a never-ending bank account. Go and buy a £1000 pair of shoes like you've always wanted to. Go to gigs with the guys and mess around with Danny like you always do. The only way that you're going to get through this is together.
#4 – Go to Disneyland Florida. It's as simple as that. I know that you've always wanted to. Go on all the rides and go to all the different places. Get lost in the magic of Disney.
#5 – Do NOT come to my grave every day like you have nothing better to do. Once a week at most, do you hear (read?) me? I'll be getting sick of the sight of you otherwise! Okay, that was mean... I just; I don't want your life to revolve around me; the husband you lost. That may sound harsh but just because my life has come to an end doesn't mean yours has to stop too.
#6 – I want you to go and see my mum. I know you think that she hates you but she doesn't. At least not anymore. I know that you're rolling your eyes right now but it's the truth. She didn't want to lose her little boy so soon and she (wrongly) blames you for that. Overtime though, she has come to accept that we genuinely love each other. I know that I said love instead of loved and that is because I will love you until forever ends, even if death keeps us apart.
#7 – This is an easy one, look after my lizards. You are not allowed to neglect them, they need feeding and cleaning and loving. I know that you don't particularly like them but I know that you'll look after them...
#8 – This is the hardest one, babe. I want you to move on. I know what you're thinking but I don't want you to be alone. I want you to love someone and be loved in return. I want you have kids with them and grow old with them. I want you to live. I want you to take a deep breath and learn to fly again, to spread your wings and make all your dreams come true.
I can't put into words just how sorry I am that I've left you like this. I love you Ella, forever.
Dougie, your devilishly handsome and slightly insane husband who will love you until the end of forever