Rather unceremoniously dropping his only necklace into the motel trashcan to be forever lost and exiting the confining room, Dean realized that he hadn't just throw a gift away. No, he was tossing away his relationship with Sam. Not just their brotherly bonds but something more.
When he had first handed the amulet to Castiel, he had emphasized for the angel not to lose it and joked bitterly that he felt naked. It was the truth though. That necklace was the only thing he never shed. Whether he was eating, showering, or screwing, Dean never removed it; it was too precious to him.
It reminded him so deeply of Sam that he always thought of him. He would remember the good times, the bad times, those awkward moments he wished he could forget, the moments where he thought Sam had slipped through his fingers.
But maybe ridding himself of it was a good thing. They had decided long ago that their family was dysfunctional because of their self-sacrificing nature, so maybe if it was just gone, Sam would wander from his thoughts more. He could have some peace.
Maybe he wouldn't think of Sam when he was cleaning the Impala or when watching a movie or when he ate or showered or when he put a woman to bed.
Dean noticed it late in life, but every time he was with a woman, he thought of Sam. Sometimes it was during the foreplay or when that damned necklace beat against his usually bare chest or right at a release – but it was Sam's name, Sam's face that came to mind.
In all his life of having sex with any woman who could do the job (whether she be of Cassie's standards or the trucker woman with a weird rash), there was never a Samantha. Maybe then he could rationalize it and he could cry out "Sam" as often and as loudly as he wanted.
But it wouldn't mean anything, not really. Because she wasn't Sam, no one was and no one could ever be, and Sam could never be his.
It was a good thing Dean concluded as he situated himself behind the wheel of his baby. It was obvious from their trip to heaven that Sam didn't think of Dean in the same spectrum as Dean thought of Sam. The few memories that Dean had been allowed to see, were all of Sam on his own or with some other family. Not a single one was of him. No, it was a good thing. It was.
And then Sammy came along and clambered in, and Dean fought angry tears as he started the engine. He began to regret his actions.
That necklace was the perfect excuse and now he really, truly felt naked.
Review please! I'd really like some feedback on this one!