Author's Note: I've made a few minor changes (replacing the underline with italics, cos I think it looks better, editing some typos, changing a word or two) but nothing bigger than half a sentence. Just some stuff that bothered me when I was reading over it again.
"It's all your fault!" All my fault, all mine, he's right, I'm horrible, a monstrosity, not worth anything but the plague.
"How could you? Slimy little git!" Slime, yes, slime, sludge, worthless, a failure to wizardkind, mankind, not even the muggles would take me now.
They're always there, always waiting when I fail, when I prove my disgrace, words ready to cut me open, expose my weakness for the world to see...
But her. She has harsh words, but only in response to my equally harsh words and actions directed at her and her friends. The other times, when they're laughing and mocking and ruining my life, she just stands there, looking sad. And that hurts worst of all, that she's not mad, that she still feels sorry after all that I've done, because I'm not worth her sadness, her caring.
"Why?" she mouths to me, standing next to them, looking sad and hurting me more with her sad look then they ever will with their anger and spite.
And that's how I know that I love her.
I wonder if he knows how he makes me feel, how many endless days and nights I've spent thinking about him, worrying about him. I wonder if he knows that I cry for him when I know that he wants to; I shed tears enough for the both of us.
I wonder if he knows that I don't hate him for what he tried to do, nor do I hate him for not being able to do it. I wonder if he knows that I don't hate him at all, I never could, because I know that he already hates himself.
I wonder if he knows that all he has to do is ask, and I'll give him anything he wants. I wonder if he knows that I'll always be here, waiting to help him, even though I know he'll never ask me to.
I wonder if he knows that I love him.
Why doesn't she just admit it? We can all tell, the way she looks at him, talks to him… it's obvious. She probably thinks that we wouldn't understand, like everything she does has to be approved by us, like we're that controlling.
Doesn't she realize that it's far more cruel to us to hide it? I won't say anything to her, though. If she doesn't feel that she can trust us, there's nothing I can do.
I won't say anything to Harry, either. I'm not sure if he realizes what he knows, and he's got enough worries already.
I won't say anything to him, either, because whether she trusts me or not, I'm still her friend and I won't betray her like that. I'll do better to her than she will to me.
Because I love her.
"You can't keep going like that, like it's some big secret. I know, Hermione, and I have for a while. You need to choose."
"Choose what?"
"You can't have the best of both worlds. You need to either forget it now, before something happens or you need to come into the open about it.
"Ron knows. I can tell in the way he looks at you. It hurtshim, Hermione, that you don't trust him enough to admit it.
A pause. "It hurts me, too. We were supposed to be your best friends. You were supposed to be able to tell us anything.
"But… it hurts Ron more than me, I think. I assumed you knew, but you've been… preoccupied lately."
"What do you mean?"
"He's jealous, Hermione! He's liked you for ages, and he thought you liked him, and now you're – swooningover, over – HIM!
"Just – I'm not mad at you. I'm confused, and a little hurt, but – go make your decision. That's all I have to say to you."
She can't love him. Because I do.