I cannot believe it happened to me again. How could someone like me, who has been hurt like this so many times still dwell on one lingering question? That question being the oh so infamous, What to do when one has a broken heart? There are people who are just like my classmate/friend Misaki. The lucky ones who never have to long for someone to love them. Misaki is the luckiest man on the planet for he has the man I have been enamored with for quite some time. Oh how happy he must be, but is the expense of pain truly worth the boundaries we have recently set within our friendship? After all am I really at fault here? He was the one who told me that nothing was going on between both him and Usami and then he had the nerve to proceed to take him away from me when I tried to make my move.
Tonight marks the first anniversary of the chilly night of October 31st where I invited both Misaki and Usami over for a "little test" and as expected there was way more than friendship going on between the two. Why must Misaki be so naive to think that I would not find out about this? And till this very day he has no idea how lucky he truly is to have the most handsome, kindest, and intelligent man in the world. Nothing pisses me off like someone who denies ever being with a man as wonderful as he. Even though it nearly brings tears to my eyes when Misaki speaks his name; I will not, I CANNOT let such an emotion show. I do not mind being the punching bag of both the feelings of anger and confusion. A martyr for my own sanity is who I am and who I always will be. A nice smile or smirk has gotten me through the toughest of times.
It is yet another night alone and I'm stuck at home devouring the chocolates I of course had taken the initiative of buying myself. I suppose I just need something to make me feel loved by someone since father is too busy to engage in parental bonding and inviting someone over was out of the question. I will say that for just a little while treating myself sure did fill the void. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if everyone was on a date tonight (excluding myself of course). As I continued stuffing my face with Meiji and gulping as much alcohol as one could possibly handle on their burning stomach, I was met with a dilemma, I had just sucked the last beer bottle dry and my father locked his personal liquor cabinet. After a brief segment of debating whether or not I should stop, the little devil on right shoulder decided that I should just say screw tonight and go out! Lucky for me and my trust imaginary demon, my father left one of his cars here. The only thing left for me to do was to sneak out and drive into town! I mean drunk driving won't be a problem if the bar is right down the street.
I crawled over to the long marble table trying to feel around for my father's car keys and just as expected, I didn't have much success because of my that pesky double vision. Suddenly, I heard my door's tumblrs jingle before the door became ajar. In the pit of my stomach I had this weird feeling that was indescribable and never felt before. Oh well, maybe it is the alcohol and my stomach was seeking revenge. Once the door was completely unlocked, my father walked in with an intimidating looking man who looked younger than him, but of course older than me. I was not used to feeling multiple feelings like this at once. Even though he looked like he had never cracked a smile a day in his life and his cobalt-gray eyes shot daggers into my soul I could not help but to see that he had also had the features of someone who could be out of this world; like a divine entity of some sort. I wanted to go upstairs and hide from the feelings he was giving me, but his voice kept on lingering me back in its defiant choke hold. Snapping me out of my trance, my father started to call to me.
"Sumi, meet Usami Haruhiko. Him and I are now business partners!"
I didn't say anything for I couldn't. Whenever I would speak, he would find something wrong with my "tone" of voice or he would just call me flat out stupid. I hated my father for putting on such a facade in front of all of his partners who know nothing about the true maliciousness of this man.
"And Usami- san, this is my beloved son Sumi. Well, aren't you going to speak up?" My father glared at me and I knew it was not for keeping quiet, but for being around his business partner while being sloppy drunk. It looks like once again he was trying to use me as bait to make him look like father of the year, but once again his "failure" of a son let him down. I knew he had just wanted me to leave his sight and that was EXACTLY what I planned on doing.
I simply bowed at towards the male and turned towards the door. "Well, I'm heading out. If you need anything just shoot me a call." I murmured and continued my drunken walk of shame out of the door. However, I did feel like some sort of winner, I had finally gotten a grasp on his car keys and he had no clue. Once I had finally made it outside, I hopped into my unsuspecting father's midnight blue sports car and without a second thought I attempted to drive, but as expected it did not go so well. Before I could move out of the driveway an ear piercing thud and following car alarm rang throughout the silence of the neighborhood. I should have looked back in time, unfortunately it was a tad bit too late to take precautions now because I had accidentally put the car in reverse and rammed into something. I knew that if I were to look back at what I had just done I would have felt even worse, so I just clenched my eyes shut and hoped that I would disappear and of course no magic happened.
Without fail, My father and his new business partner stormed out of the home in unison. Mr. Usami waved his fist at me in the manner of an old man who is about to scold a child for stepping on his freshly cut lawn and my father could do nothing nut stand there with his hands grabbing a handful of hair of each side of his head while his mouth froze in an agape manner. As my father continued to stare at the sight in disbelief, Haruhiko violently stormed towards me. This guy was seriously about to end me and all I could do was stand there and try to look like I wasn't fearing for my life.
"Why you little shit! A perfectly nice car has gone to waste due to your negligence! Do you know how much this car is worth?" The angered raven leaned in closer, his glare growing stronger than before slowly shifting into daggers. If looks could kill, let's just say I would be one dead ass right now.
I stumbled back, both out of fear and drunkenness. The car I regrettably rammed into was now my only support. Cold streams of sweat prickled my burning blushing face as I continued to take the verbal abuse with stride. All I could do was say the words that he probably wanted to hear. "I'm so very sorry. I take 100% responsibility for my actions. How much will it cost to fix it?" Haruhiko coild do nothing, but flare his nostrils at me and scoff, "Trust me, it is more than your damn allowance kid!" Thank heavens my father chimed in or I swore he was going to devour me alive, "Oh don't you worry. HE will find a way for him to pay you back in full!" Oh dear god what is he about to do to me?
It was definitely it for me. It was as if I were some type of accused criminal waiting for mt sentence. It was best for me to just sulk in silence and prepare for the worst. "Sumi, to help pay off the debt you have just given to me, you are to now be of service to Usami-san. You will help cook, clean and do whatever else he may ask of you, got it?"
Anger had once again reared its ugly head, but this time it was from my end. I was no longer remorseful, but more scorned by my father's betrayal. "Father, I'm pretty sure a guy like him already has maids and butlers to do his bidding!" I would have never thought I would have to be my own lawyer, but there is a time for everything. I refuse to be anyone's puppet! What made it even worse was that bastards cocky smirk and the words that followed behind it, "I like your idea. How about he starts tomorrow?!" "No how about you kiss my a-." My words were swiftly cut off by my father's own. "Of course he will see you then. Until that time, my driver would love to give you a lift back home." There he goes with that fake ass tone again.
Once the man had left, I had a feeling that I was in for a scolding from my father. It was better than him coming home drunk and during me into a human punching bag, but the words he spat out did seem to sting a little even if the alcohol did numb me.
"Sometimes, I really do think you were fucking switched at birth do you know that? No son of mine could ever be so stupid!"
"I know."
"Do you have any idea how much it costs to repair a foreign car?"
"No father I do not."
What my father spoke were not just words, but needles, needles that stabbed around and throughout my heart. I wish I were the perfect son. I wish for once he would tell me that he truly was proud of me. Ever since mother left him he has been so bitter towards me. Parents should preach love to their children not tear them down. The more he spoke, the more I knew to brace myself for the abuse that would come after shortly.
"Just go to your damn room! I don't want to see your damn face for the rest of the night!" I froze for a split second before nodding and running up to my room and for once I did not cry because of father's harsh words. The only thing I felt was complete and utter shock. Did that Usami guy put some magical spell on my father and that's why he did not hit me? For a few seconds I just sat there staring deep into my father's eyes in confusion before running upstairs before whatever it was wore off on him. Usami Haruhiko, huh? I could not help but to smile at his name. Usami was the last name of one of the greatest and most influential men in the world. A man whom I will never be worthy enough to receive mutual love from. All I could do was lay and dream about my imaginary forevers with a close friend's lover.
The next morning I attended class with one of the worst hangovers of all time. What made it worse was Kamijou sensei's constant yelling that on this day of all others was directed towards me. "YOU CALL YOURSELF A STUDENT?! LAST TIME I CHECKED SCHOOL WAS FOR LEARNING NOT SLEEPING!"
"My apologies sensei!" I sighed, fighting the unbearable urge to sleep throughout the rest of the lecture.
Once class was finally over I decided to eat lunch with my favorite source of entertainment; the oh so lucky Takahashi Misaki. "Hey, how was your night?" I knew something had to have gone on because he would not be blushing for something as minor as a box of chocolates or a little date.
Misaki turned away from me as a failed attempt to hide his reddening face, "It was fine, I baked Usagi-san a cake He tried helping, but that ended in well...this. I swear he is so darn messy. What would he do without me?" Misaki chuckled and decided it would be great to rub salt in the wound and shove a picture of a batter covered Usami in my face. My fake smile had gotten to be much wider than before displaying the true pain I held in my heart. That idiot does NOT deserve MY Usami!
"Oh how sweet! Bet that wasn't the only thing you gave him, huh?" I placed my face in my hand attempting to put on my facde of a smile. My lip twitched in both irritantance and disgust by how ungrateful he was being. "Senpai, is there something wrong?" My eyes started to become blurry due to the upcoming tears that were starting to form. I tried to keep my composure the best way I knew how, but god envy is something that is just too hard to cope with. This boy, my "friend" had someone who seemed genuinely cares for him. Someone I just wanted to wrap my arms around and call them mine, but I knew that I could never get the chance. I don't know what's wrong with me. What does Misaki have that I am lacking? Just as always, Misaki started to shriek violently, but not because if a smart comment of mine.
"USAGI-ANI!" I glanced at an angst filled Misaki and then towards my father's co-worker who strided pridefully up the campus. "You know him? Wait he's related to-." I knew that last name rung a bell. Haruhiko walked towards me and soon I had been graced by his voice again, "Are you ready for work?"
This bastard must love rubbing me the wrong way. "Let's just get this over with. I have work of my own that I need to tend to." Dear god, make it stop. Make my heart go back to its normal pace! I hardly even know this guy. The raven led me to his car and it was definitely not the car I destroyed yesterday. This car was a jet black convertible with tinted windows. Even though the car was quite impressive I still did not take this finding too well. "Why should I have to work off the damages of your old car when you have one that is ten times better right here?" Haruhiko smirked, "Either way you didn't pay for it, so you shall work it off you little snot. And don't talk back to your new boss, got it? I don't take well to ill mouthed brats who are still living off of their precious daddy's income."
I crossed my arms in a childlike manner and pouted the entre ride there. I guess he told one fourth of the truth, but my father was far from precious. As he continued to drive at a horribly fast speed, I could not help but to notice how beautiful his eyes were. They were the color of the deep blue night sky tainted by a dark shade of gray. I wanted to make a comment about beautiful his eyes were, but the words refused come out. Besides, he didn't take notice that I was admiring him from afar. Maybe in some weird twist of fate he could be thinking the same thing about me, nah. There was definitely no way. After all, it is rare for anyone to be interested in a guy like me, but a guy can only dream, right?
Once we had finally made it to his home, I was surprised at how big it actually looked up close. The garden that sat our front seemed to be selected from a fairytale themed catalog. The entire house was fit for royalty and I, a high-middle class college student did not feel worthy of even looking at such a place. The moment we both walked in both the maid the head butler bowed and spoke in unison. It came off a bit too creepy for my liking. "Hello Sumi , you will be of great help today." I simply answered their comment with a shrug and the usage of a smart comment, "I guess that is why I am here, no secret there. Where do I start?" The maid smiled and wrapped her gloved hand around my own, "Well first you can start off by helping me dust the furniture!" She handed me a pink dusting apron, "Sorry,I know it's a little girly, but it's all we had oh and your might want to tie your hair up. I have a ribbon that might do the trick!" "THE HELL I WILL LADY!" I growled, ready to strike at everyone.
Haruhiko tried not to smile at my pain and suffering. He is the absolute worst at times. How could someone be so handsome and yet so evil?! "You will be fine. Just put the damn thing on and get to work!" And as expected just moments later I was wearing that damn pink apron laced with white ribbon. The maid helped me tie my hair up in a small bun-like hairstyle and she was not joking when she mentioned that the only thing she had in stock was a small white ribbon to tie it up with. I need to make a reminder to bring my own supplies next time, preferably manlier materials that did not make me look like a housewife Barbie.
I started as soon a possible, hoping that time would fly and I could leave early. The dishes were spotless in record timing, the laundry was folded perfectly and now the dusting had officially begun. I was actually quite proud of myself. As my duties started to come to a close, I noticed the head maid kept her same old smile as her eyes wavered with every step I'd make.
"You know it has been quite lonely around here. Master Usami rarely invites anyone over." The much older lady whispered in a saddened tone. Are the two of you close friends?"
"No we have never met before I damaged his car. My father is forcing me to do this to pay off debt. Simple as that."
She stopped in mid dusting and looked up at me with her tired green eyes aglow, "If you really did that he definitely wouldn't have invited you here. If anything he would have let the courts handle it. I am telling you honey you must be special to him in some way. The last time he invited a young man oover was a less than a year ago. I belive his name was Takahashi-kun.
Misaki, it had to be him. I decided that it would be best to change the subject before I exploded. What does this kid have some type of pheromone he releases that only attracts Usamis? "Hey, may you please direct me to the bathroom?" She smiled once again lead me up the wooden stairs, directing me to go right. Once I entered the large bathroom, I was slapped in the face by the strong hand of envy. How could a guy like Misaki be loved by so many? It just wasn't fair. For a moment, I just stood there with my eyes closed taking everything in all at once. In the midst of one of those seconds, I found myself crying. I had bottled this massive amount of covetousness inside so much that the top has finally popped off and released what I had been feeling for a very long time. What was it about him? Why is he loved by so many?
As the hot tears streamed down my cheeks, I heard the bathroom door open. Looking up from my grip on the sink, I had come to find that Haruhiko's reflection was behind my own. For once she he did not look disgusted by my presence, but instead his face contorted to a genuine loo of concern.
"You okay in here? Look if you are going to be a cry baby because you have to clean then-."
"JUST STOP!" I snapped before I could get a grip on myself. I just hated showing my feelings in front o someone. "It's not that, besides even if I told you...you wouldn't understand. No one ever does..." This was embarrassment at it's finest. For years I have built this wall around every feeling it was normal to have. Sadness never showed, anger is a rarity, and happiness is every now and then. This look of contentment was an everyday thing for me. My usual face and now in a stranger's bathroom the wall is crumbling and no matter how much I try to keep it together, the pieces shatter even more and refuse to stick.
"Sumi." The raven cradled my face with his large warm hands. The way he stared at me, it seemed like he truly did care, but I am not so naive. I know a facade when I see one for I am the king of said expressions.
"Just give me time to pull myself together. This is not how I usually am, maybe it is the fragrance in the air that is making me so-." My words were cut short by the softest pressure against my lips that I have ever felt. Almost like a petal had just been placed upon them, but before this intense feeling increased it went away just like every other feeling. Soon I found out that it was just an effort to shut me up.
"Stop your blabbering and just tell me what the hell is wrong with you." At that moment, I could have sworn the world had stopped. My eyes were met with that dark gray tinted cobalt blue that since meeting him, became my new favorite eye color. I suppose I should take this time to speak with someone after all he is a stranger, someone who won't scold me for a feeling I can't help and hold me up to false expectations.
"I guess I am just being a tad bit childish, whining over something that I know I can't have. You see I have a friend named Misaki, he has possibly the greatest lover in the world and a family back in his home town who loves him dearly. He is currently dating your brother, a man who has impacted me just by his writing. Before I confessed, I brought Akihiko's name up for what had seemed hundreds of times. Each time Misaki pretended to have no interest, so I took that as a sign that I should go ahead and make my move. Long story short, it ended with me being alone and Misaki claiming Akihiko as his. Now I am stuck feeling betrayed and angry, but somehow around him I can't let that show nor say the damn words." I was pleased to look back up at him and see that he did not have this judgmental expression on his face, in fact he seemed to understand.
"Listen, as much as I hate to admit it both he and that child deserve each other. The two seem destined to be together. There is no need to cry over someone else's destiny or their happiness, try focusing on your own and let no one I mean no one get in the way of what you feel is right." His large hand was placed upon my head once again, but this time it was followed by a rough ruffle. "Just hang in there, kid. Worse case scenario is that you end up like me, 30 years old and recently forced into an arraigned marriage by your overbearing father." Once again he exuded a bitter chuckle while holding up his ring hand.
"Well, why didn't you say no? You said it yourself, you have to be in charge of your own destiny." I attempted to speak through my rapid sniffling as the conversation went on. I started to feel bad for him. He was right, I could have it worse.
My father's partner chuckled once again, but this time it was more upbeat than the one before. "Hasn't being a daddy's boy taught you anything? I am my father's favorite and he holds me up to a higher standard. He used to be that way with Akihiko, but he is just too stubborn to want to marry some gold digging tramp my father sets him up with. I envy how strong my brother is. I wish it were that easy for me to say no to my father, but he expects so much more from me. Maybe love will come in some unexpected form again."
"Wait, so you have experienced this unexpected love before? Man don't I have hope."
"Oi! For your information I have experienced it twice. First time in high school when I was about your age I fell in love with an older student. I would have never imagined falling for a male, but he caught me off guard I suppose and changed me for the better. After some time and some persuasion by his friends and family, he left me for some woman. I never used to be so bitter and I always ask myself who would I be if I never met him? Would I still be happy?" I could tell he was just as broken as I and this is why he acts this way. If I keep letting this get to me the same might happen, but I refuse to let Haruhiko suffer alone.
"You know what they say, third times the charm. If you don't mind me asking, what was his name?"
"I am not going to get into too much detail about that one, but my second one was your friend Misaki. I just wanted to be happy and seeing my brother so happy with him made me...god I hate to admit this to a child, but it made me envious. A guy like that doesn't deserve someone if he is going to treat them like property!" As the older man continued his rant, I could not help but to acknowledge jealousy once again. Not only did Misaki have one Usami after him, but both of them and one just happens to also be a married.
"Yeah, I better be headed home." Before I could successfully make out towards the door, I felt a strong tug on my arm.
"Kid, I figured you have worked pretty hard today. As a reward tomorrow how about I take you to the fair after you are done helping in the kitchen?" What is this guy thinking? Why is he still trying to strike up a conversation? I am not a Misaki substitute damn it, but why, why the hell can't I say no? I answered with a simple nod and continued to take my leave. This will never truly amount to anything. Maybe he was right, the greatest love of all is unexpected. I am just going to have to be patient.