Because You Can,
Written by WickedSong.
Disclaimer : I do not own Glee, FOX do.
You sneak into the rehearsals for the club's Regionals performance and you're jealous. You tell yourself that you really shouldn't be. It was your choice and your choice alone. You had friends and a boyfriend along with a fun hobby that brought you genuine joy but you traded that for the chance to be accepted by your peers. Not that quitting glee club did a lot to help that. You're still looked down upon, laughed at but at least you can handle yourself. When someone makes a snarky comment or gives an odd look they do so at their own peril because you're Lauren Zizes and you lay down the law. You don't let anyone walk all over you.
Your eyes find him. He's laughing, while twirling Fabray around. He then does his infamous pelvic thrust which Trouty Mouth attempts to copy. Your laugh is almost unbearable when Mr. Schue shakes his head, telling him to tone it down, which only of course causes Puckerman to throw his hands in the air in mock outrage.
Thinking back to a time when you didn't have to hide in the back of the auditorium watching rehearsal you let your mind wander.
It had been at extra wrestling practice over the summer. That was when the doubts had crept in. And you're Lauren Zizes so of course you don't doubt yourself that often but that thinking didn't help at that moment. It didn't help when the guys in the team poked fun at the New Directions, at their showing at Nationals, at going all that way just to lose, at your relationship with Puckerman, at you yourself. You quickly put them in their place, however, using all that anger to beat their sorry asses on the wrestling mat.
But the doubts carried over and you found yourself, as non chalantly as you could, telling Puckerman that the relationship was over, that you had a reputation to maintain and that glee club - and by extension a romance with him - only interfered with that.
You say goodbye in that corridor where not long ago he said he liked courting you and he cared. He cared. The former glee club stud, the one who knocked up other guy's girls liked you. Even loved you.
You're pulled out of the past by a sharp laugh on stage. Puckerman is talking to Fabray again and it hurts. It really hurts you to see him. Being happy, laughing, moved on.
Because you sure as hell haven't.
You put on a facade and sure you're strong as hell and if anyone tries to say otherwise you'll show them just what they say is wrong but he's the one weakness.
With him you were completely yourself. You were as badass as you knew you were but you were also that girl. You know, the one like Fabray or Lopez, the one that everyone went for. Or that Puckerman went for.
Realising that even watching this hurts too much you leave the room and realise that you made an even bigger mistake by letting him get away.
But you won't cry. Not right now. Not during the school day. Not even when you see him swaggering down the hall. No, that's the biggest deceit of all. That's the moment when you roll your eyes and laugh with your friends in wrestling that he's such an ass, an arrogant asshole.
When you know deep down that Noah Puckerman was more than that.
He liked being called Puckerman better than being called Noah, you remember. Noah was what you called him when he pissed you off really badly.
You laugh but it's a bittersweet laugh because it's moments like that you'll never get back.
So again, you resolve not to let petty, trivial tears, over the glee club, or over some boy (but he's not just some boy, is he?) get in your way. And you'll go through the school day stronger than ever and at night you'll lay awake and you'll really think and if you think too hard you'll feel one tears. Your eyes will close hastily. You'll blink those tears away like they mean nothing but more will sometimes come.
He was the one person who you let see your tears and it took so long for you to even become that vulnerable with him.
You think, damn him and damn the glee club for making you this weak.
Finally you go back to hating them and him and you don't even think about being in glee club.
Until you hear them singing in the choir room, or you see them sitting around in the cafeteria or you see Puckerman walking down the halls with another girl.
Damn Noah Puckerman and damn them all.
You're above it all.
"I'm telling you my friend, my girl's got a big ass heart."
You made your decision and your pride will never let you go back on it.
I'm a Pizes shipper and I'm trying to branch out on my Glee writing. This hurt a lot more than I imagined to write but I really hated how they ended Pizes and how Lauren left the club so think of this as me taking something the writers have done awfully and going behind it to give some background.
Hope you liked,
WickedSong x