Warning: Mature subjects, such as, abuse, death, and sexual themes, boy love; in other words homosexuality. If you are uncomfortable with any of these subjects it's understandable, and please do not go on to read this story, thank you.
Chapter 1: A better place
It's bright, blindingly so, but I continue to stare at the hand above me. My skin is pale, and almost seems to shine along with the harsh bathroom lights. A trail of red runs down my wrist, slowly like red ink on paper. A drop forms after the trail has sunk down my arm a little. It waits collecting some of its friends before it drops, and hits me on the forehead. I close my eyes as I feel the warm liquid run down my face.
A harsh knock shakes me out of my ritual. "Nagato, are you done yet? I need to use the bathroom too!" Yahiko complains.
"Hold on...just a minute," I say softly in return, as I get to my feet. I wash my hands and wrist, before quickly splashing water in my face to get rid of any evidence. Then I put on a familiar wristband to cover up my obsession.
I open the door for my friend. I give him a weak smile, "Sorry it took so long. I didn't know you came home."
Yahiko stretches his arms and places them behind his head. "Finished early today, the team is really working together well." He explains before entering our shared bathroom. I can't help but feel slight guilt every time I ask Yahiko about his job. Yahiko is basically supporting Konan and me. Every time I mention it he tells me not to worry about it, that he's just glad we where all able to get out of the horrible foster home. Yahiko is the oldest out of all of us. He recently turned eighteen, and is a Janitorial Supervisor for a large office building. He only works evenings and some of the night. He usually gets home pretty late, but Konan and I always stay up and wait for him. I'm not as strong as Yahiko…though sometimes I wish I could be.
I rub my wrist, feeling slight shame, however this feeling has never stopped me from cutting myself, no matter how many times it bubbles up in side of me. A part of me wants to stop…but a bigger part of me is addicted to it. I depend on it….it's how I handle stress. There's something relieving about when the blade or razor cuts my skin, as if I'm releasing all my pain, all my bad blood.
I hear the shower running and look at the bathroom door, before walking out of mine and Yahiko's room. Konan is sitting on the floor in front of our coffee table in our small apartment. She's finishing homework. I sit down across from her, in front of out TV.
"Do you think Yahiko's happy?" I question her, my face blank.
She gives me a knowing look. "Nagato, don't worry about him. You know he hates it when we do. We're the only family he has…I know he enjoys being with us, even if that comes at a price.
"I just fear that his lack of education…" I don't finish my sentence. Yahiko dropped out of school at the age of sixteen, when his search for independence started. Once he got a job, and rented this apartment, he got Konan and me out of our foster home, and announced that we now only took care of each other. Despite ignoring his own education, he insisted that Konan and I finish high school. Konan and I are about the same age, only a couple of month off, and in our last year of high school.
"Why don't you fix Yahiko his dinner?" Konan tells me, knowing very well that I was still worrying over our friend. She always finds things to distract me with. My two dear friends always seem to baby me...I know it's because I'm so emotionally weak.
It's nine ten, Yahiko usually gets home around nine thirty. He usually works from five to nine, every day except for Sunday. He takes his dinner late, because of this. Konan and I usually let him eat in peace, we eat our dinner at six. I go over to refrigerator to grab the plate of leftovers that I always keep for Yahiko from mine and Konan's dinner. It's faster that way, only having to heat the food up, so Yahiko won't have to wait in hunger.
"Konan, did the bills come in the mail today?" Yahiko questions. I look over my shoulder to see the orange haired boy, drying his face, dressed in his pajamas.
"Yeah, I already went out and paid them with the money you put away." Konan is in charge of our money...which isn't much. However she always managed to make sure we have food, running water and electricity. So occasionally the cable went out along with the phone, but those weren't that important.
"Even the cable and phone bill?" He questioned. Konan nodded proudly. "Nice budgeting."
"I don't know why you just don't let us get some part time jobs to help you out," my blue haired friend retorts.
"Don't you have homework you can't seem to finish even with all the time you have now?"
"That's not the point." She says seriously. I wince a little not wanting to hear yet another argument between my two friends about this subject.
"Konan I just came home from work, don't nag." Yahiko whines, and comes towards the kitchen taking a sit at our small square dinning table. Granted our apartment is pretty cramped, and obviously not made for three people, but, it didn't bother any of us. Konan had her own small room, and a half bath. Yahiko and me shared the large (but not by much) master bedroom. In the middle of the apartment was our living room, which only had one couch a coffee table and TV. Off to the side slightly was our connected kitchen, with the dining table straddling the threshold between the rooms.
Once heated properly I take Yahiko's dinner out of the microwave, and set it in front of him. I'm in charge of cooking, and keeping the apartment clean...or at least livable. I only got stuck with this because Konan is much better at math then I am. However I don't complain, I'm grateful that I'm of some use.
Yahiko picks up his fork, but pauses. "Did you finish your homework?" he questions me.
"You sound like a father," Konan teases with a slight snort of arrogance.
I smile softly, "yes I did."
"Good," with that the red head starts to eat.
I walk toward my bedroom. My female roommate gathers her papers and looks up at me. "Already going to bed?"
"Yeah…we have a test tomorrow," I say simply.
"Goodnight!" My two friends say in unison.
"Goodnight," I answer back tenderly.
My hands cover my mouth as I tried to suppress my sobs. My dark red hair veieds my eyes from the world.
"Hey, what are you crying about this time?" Yahiko looked at me from his bed. The other two boys we shared our room with where still fast asleep.
"N-nothing…" I stuttered.
"Yeah right. You had another nightmare didn't you." Yahiko sliped out of his bed, and came toward me his hands on his hips. I didn't answer, I just let my hands drop away from my face, and let my head sink lower.
"What was it this time?"
"Monster…" I said pathetically.
"You know monsters aren't real." He scolded me.
"Not scary monsters…but people that are like monsters," I tried to explain.
"People like that are just ass holes. Is she hurting you again?" Yahiko questions protectively.
"No…" I lie. He seems relieved and assumed that I must be upset because one of the boys was picking on me again.
"You're such a cry baby, you need to stand up for yourself. I can't always come and protect a cry baby like you."
My eyes flutter open, and I turn on my side slowly. I look at the bed only a couple of feet away from me. Yahiko's fast asleep, and I smile softly. Even though he always said he wouldn't protect me forever, every time I cried he came running.
I slip out of my bed, and go to our dresser to get out my school uniform, before heading into the bathroom. Every movement is routine, but my thoughts are never the same. Konan once told me I have the tendency to over think things, or think too much; which sometimes causes me to worry. I always try to find answers to things that sometimes just can't be explained…like human cruelty. I look at my wrist, letting out a sigh, I take of the band that covers my cuts. Tears threaten to spill from my eyes. I can't stop thinking about the past…the pain that we've all endured. I just wonder why…is it something we did? Are we just cursed? Cold tears run down my face, and I try to wipe them away furiously. I don't want to cry…but the more I try to stop myself from showing weakness; the sadder I become. I feel bitter and angry...but I just don't know how to express these feelings. I only know how to express sorrow. I'm pathetic…
"Nagato?" I jump a little surprised at the soothing deep voice behind me. I clasp my hand over my damaged wrist and pull both my hands towards my chest, like a child trying to seek comfort within their own embrace.
Yahiko crouches down next to me, I turn my head away. He always knows when I'm crying...he always comes running.
He puts his arm around me, and with a chuckle that holds no humor asks, "What is it this time, cry baby?"
I weep openly, my body shutters, and hold on tightly to my nightshirt. "I'm sorry…"
"It's fine." His hand brushes my hair out of my face. I look at the tile floor not wanting to make eye contact.
"We're not there anymore…you don't have to be afraid, and you don't have to cry. We're safe…we're in a better place." He assures me. Sometimes I wonder if he thinks about our old foster home. He never shows any sorrow, anger or bitterness, he only holds confidence, strength and determination, and I admire him for that. It's like nothing can drag him down; no instead it only makes him stronger. While I let things eat away at me.
"I...I have to get ready for school," I tell Yahiko and he smiles at me before nodding and exiting the restroom.
Once I'm dressed I quietly exit my bedroom and go into the kitchen to start breakfast. Konan sits in front of the TV watching the news.
"Good morning," I greet her.
"Morning." She replies half ignoring me as she listens to a report. I get out some eggs, and bacon, along with a frying pans.
Konan stands up during commercial and leans over the counter watching me cook.
"Do you think Yahiko, has a life?" I look at her confused. "You know like normal people."
"I thought you said not to worry about him."
"Yeah I did," she mutters. "But I was just thinking, it's your fault really, for bringing it up last night."
"I suppose…Yahiko never complains about it." I mutter out.
"He never complains about anything. I'm just wondering, does Yahiko have a sex life?"
I stare wide-eyed at the blue haired girl. "That...that's, not really any of our business!" I blurt out.
"Do you have a sex life Nagato," Konan questions seriously.
"Konan!" I say blushing so hard that the color of my cheeks almost matches my hair.
"Nagato's still a virgin," she chimes.
"So!" I snap back at her with embarrassment. "Aren't you?"
Konan stops, and frowns a little. "Yeah, but it's still fun to tease you about it."
"Why do you care about Yahiko's…um...romantic life?"
"He's eighteen now. It's about time he finds himself a nice girl. I mean…he should have a future of his own. He can't be watching after us the rest of his life." I nod in understanding.
"Are you going to ask him about it?" I question my friend.
"No." She says as if it were obvious. "You know he's going to say something like, 'what does it matter'. He's a man, he must have urges." Konan didn't seem phased by the subject at all.
"Konan!" I yell yet again.
"It's perfectly natural." She says emotionlessly.
"I don't want to talk about this."
"Maybe I should hook you up with a girl too," Konan muses out loud. I simply ignore her, I know she's only joking. "There's this girl, in our school, Anko, she seems like Yahiko's type." She goes back to her usual serious tone.
I remove the eggs and bacon from the pan shrugging. He's never talked about girls or anything remotely related to romance. I think Konan is only interested in that part of Yahiko's life, because she's a girl.
"Yahiko needs a distraction," Konan says, closing her eye and letting out a sigh. I hand her a small plate with her breakfast.
"What does it matter?" I question her.
"I just think he needs to live a little, experience the world like normal kids his age would." Konan explains calmly
"Well…I don't know. I suppose it wouldn't hurt to set up a date for him," I say with a small smile on my lips. Konan nods in return.
"Then I'll see if Anko's interested." We both sit down and eat together. Konan always looks so smart in her uniform. The red and black plaid skirt reaches down almost to her knees, heavy black boots cover her calves. Her black button up shirt is tight around her form. A red bow is tied around her neck, and a red cloud (our school insignia) is on her right breast. My uniform is much simpler. Red pants (skinny cut), a black shirt with a red tie, and of course the same insignia on my right breast. Students usually wore the uniform according to their own style.
After breakfast we head out to start walking to our school; Akatsuki High.
"There, that's Anko," Konan points out. I look at the girl she's pointing at. She's also wearing boots though her skirt is much shorter then Konan's, and her shirt is unbuttoned showing a lot of cleavage. "What do you think?
"Um…she's ok…I guess." I say not really knowing what Konan wants in reply.
"She's a pretty tough girl, I think she could keep up with Yahiko." Konan thinks out loud. "I'll go talk to her, I'll see you in class, ok?"
I quicken my pace, to hurry up and get inside of the school building. Other students stand around in the courtyard waiting or talking to friends. Konan has made some friends, and I'm sure this Anko is one of them. For myself, I haven't really bothered to meet anyone. Konan and Yahiko are friends enough for me.
"Hey! Nagato!" I am pulled back by my shoulder, and hit someone's chest. "Did you do the homework?"
A familiar voice asks, "Yes Madara." I step away from the boy and attempt to continue walking. However once again I'm stopped and the boy forces me to face him.
"Well are you going to give it to me?" He questions with a smirk on his face. With a sigh I reach into my bag and hand my papers to him. He snatches them from me. "Thanks!"
"You're such a cry baby, you need to stand up for yourself. I can't always come and protect a cry baby like you."
I lower my head, as Madara passes by me and disappears into the school. He always does this, and I can't ever bring myself to tell him no. He always gives me the homework back, of course, but I suppose it's the fact that he expects me to do all the work for him. I try not to let this bother me, after all the rest of the day could go by pretty well.
I slide open the door to my classroom, it's empty except to Madara who's currently in his desk copying my homework. I sit down in my own desk, which is only three desks down from Madara's. I'm usually always the first to arrive. My papers drop on my desk, and I stop looking out of the window to see Madara returning my work.
"Thanks," he smirks at me, resting his hand on my desk. I stare at him with unease.
"You know Nagato." He leans in closer, and I pull away. "I could use you."
"What?" I gasp out, as Madara's hand pushes back my hair, much like Yahiko does. He pulls me close to him, and before I can even react his lips are against my own. I struggle, and try to push him away, but none of it seems to phase him.
"S-stop—" I manage to mutter out before his tongue slips into my mouth.
I hear a loud pop, and Madara pulls away angrily. "What the—"
"Go find some other kid to molest, Madara!" Konan snaps at him. The dark haired boy glares at Konan, but she is very calm and doesn't let it bother her. After shooting me a glance, Madara goes to sit down in his desk.
"Are you ok, Nagato?" She asks me sweetly.
I frown deeply, "Yeah, I'm ok." I don't want her to fuss over me...I really need to learn how to take care of myself.
"Well I talked to Anko, she seems pretty interested. Why don't you help me out?' There she goes again trying to distract me with some task that she could easily handle herself. "Why don't you talk to Yahiko, see how he feels about a date on Sunday?"
"All right," I say, and turn back to stare out of the window. I twist my wristband as slowly that same feeling of sorrow and shame fills my soul.