A/N: Okay. I know I posted this before. Um. Complications. And it's also kind of embarrassing...? Erherm. Anyways.
(Again dedicated to JerrieHiagarashi16 . Because she has been super awesome :D )
The list I am using for this story belongs respectively to PeinSaku.
PeinSaku, thank you so much for letting me borrow your list :)
Disclaimer: Naruto and all characters associating with Naruto do not belong to me. They belong to Masashi Kishimoto
And the list "How To Get Kicked Out of the Akatsuki" belongs to PeinSaku. But she doesn't own Naruto either. (It's a shame, isn't it?)
1. Throw Sasori's puppets in the fireplace and claim that you couldn't find any firewood.
"Sakura. What are you doing to my puppets?" Sakura looked up from where she was prodding the fire with an arm off of one of Sasori's puppets. She smiled nervously.
"I couldn't find any firewood." She stated, poking the fire again. Sasori started to develop an irritated air around him.
"We're in the middle of a fucking forest!" He gritted out angrily. Sakura looked side to side.
"Well, waddaya know! We sure are!"
2. Ask Deidara when the baby's due.
"Deidara!" Sakura exclaimed happily, running up to Deidara in the middle of the hall.
"What is it, un?" The bomber replied.
"I heard the good news!" Sakura replied, hugging Deidara's arm.
"What good news, un?"
"That you and Sasori are expecting! When's the baby due?"
3. Talk in third person like Tobi and when someone questions you about it, speak
normal and deny it ever happened.
"Sakura's thirsty." Sakura stated after training one day. "Sakura could really use a glass of water."
"Would you stop talking like that fucking cunt Tobi? It's annoying as fucking hell." Hidan called. Sakura shook her head as if snapping out of a daze.
"What are you talking about, Hidan? I wasn't doing anything of the sort." She claimed.
"Whatever."
"Sakura could still use that glass of water..."
4. Put speakers in all the air vents that lead to the members' rooms and play the Barney theme song over and over.
"Barney is a dinosaur from our imagination. And when he's tall, he's what we call a dinosaur sensation."
"Did you here that, un?"
"Barney's friends are big and small; They come from lots of places. After school they meet to play
And sing with happy faces. Barney shows us lots of things like how to play pretend."
"Yes. It's annoying."
"ABC's, and 123's, And how to be a friend. Barney comes to play with us Whenever we may need him."
"It's actually quite catchy, un..."
"Barney can be your friend too, If you just make-believe him!"
"I am not hearing this from you."
5. Stare at the wall during an Akatsuki meeting. At the last five minutes of the meeting, state loudly to Pein, Madara, or whoever is speaking that you weren't paying attention and that they need to repeat the whole thing.
"Does anybody have any questions?" Sakura's hand went up almost immediately. "Yes, Sakura?"
"I'm sorry, Tou-san. I wasn't paying attention. Could you please repeat all of that?"
"What part didn't you hear?" Pein said, sighing.
"I kinda zoned out about five minutes after you started talking..."
The next time Akatsuki had a meeting, Pein had it tape recorded.
6. Go up to Deidara in front of the entire Akatsuki and demand loudly why you found your underwear under his pillow.
"DEIDARA!" Sakura screeched, bursting into the kitchen with a fire in her eyes.
"...Yes...un...?" he said nervously.
"I was cleaning your room and I found these under your pillow!" She screamed, holding out a pair of strawberry printed panties on her finger.
"Why were you cleaning my room, un?"
"Because it was a mess. Now please explain to me why I found MY underwear under YOUR pillow?" Deidara's eyes widened considerably.
"What!"
7. Start singing "Dude Looks Like A Lady" every time Deidara walks in the room.
"FOR THE LAST TIME, I'M NOT A WOMAN, UN!"
"Geez...no need to get so angry..."
"ANGRY? YOU JUST ACCUSED MY SEXUALITY FOR THE SEVENTEENTH TIME, UN!"
"Wow! Deidara! I'm impressed! I didn't know you could count over five!"
8. Make fake charms and hang them all around the base. Claim that they keep the aliens away. Whenever one of the Akatsuki members says that aliens don't exist, run away screaming, "YOU'RE ONE OF THEM!"
"Sakura, could you please explain to me what you are doing?" Sakura looked down at the Uchiha from up high on her ladder.
"Oh! Hi Ita-kun! I'm hanging charms. They keep the aliens away." Sakura jumped off of the ladder and landed in a crouch in front of Itachi.
"That's good. We don't want any extraterrestrial creatures invading the base, do we now?" Sakura blinked up at him. She was not expecting that.
9. Whenever an Akatsuki member tells you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
"Pinky, we need you to babysit Tobi while we're gone since Hidan's coming with us on our mission." Kisame asked Sakura, placing a big blue hand on her shoulder.
Sakura blinked. "Would you like fries with that?"
10. Replace Deidara's clay with regular play-dough.
Deidara smirked at his sparring opponent. He brought his hands together and exclaimed, "Katsu!"
There were no explosions, no BOOOOOM! No nothing. Sakura snorted before grasping her stomach and falling to the ground in laughter.
11. Paint Hidan's room pink and cover it with fairy stickers. Pay for it with Kakuzu's money.
Kakuzu was doing his daily ritual of counting his money when he noticed something off.
He was short thirty dollars and forty nine cents.
Hidan noticed a weird small smell coming from his room and he went to investigate.
He stood in the doorway, mouth agape.
"Do you like it?" Sakura exclaimed, turning around with a stick sheet in her left hand and a sticker on her right index finger, ready to be stuck to the wall.
"What the fuck! What the fuck did you do to my room, bitch?"
12. Walk around wearing 3-D glasses and scream every time one of the Akatsuki reaches out towards you.
"BLOSSOM-CHAN! BLOSSOM-CHAN! TOBI HAS BEEN LOOKING FOR BLOSSOM-CHAN ALL AFTERNOON!" Sakura turned around to see the orange-masked Akatsuki member. Tobi opened his arms to give Sakura a hug.
Sakura screamed and fell backwards as she fainted. She would later marvel in how amazing the 3D glasses she wore were.
13. Give Hidan the nickname 'fuzz bag'.
Hidan and Sakura were in the middle of one of their daily spats. Nobody knew what they were arguing about anymore. It had started with who got to control the TV remote before it turned into why Sakura hadn't bought Hidan any graham crackers when she went to the store earlier.
"ARGHHHH! Just shut the hell up you fuzz bag!" She shrieked suddenly.
The room went silent.
"Did...did you just call me a fucking fuzz bag?" Hidan said slowly.
And the two were back to bickering.
14. Pour clear liquid soap all over the hallway leading to the kitchen or dining area.
BOOM. CRASH. SPLAT. "WHAT THE FUCK!"
Sakura snickered. Hidan was so easy to trick.
15. Tell Deidara that Hidan said he was gay. Tell Hidan that Deidara said he was a pansy. See which one attacks the other first.
"Hey, Dei-kun!" Sakura said, waving at him enthusiastically.
"Hey, Sakura, un!" He replied, stopping in the middle of the hallway. And Sakura proceeded to rant to him about one of her latest spat with Hidan.
"That idiot is always bitching to me! He never rants. He bitches. Like a girl. And then he screamed that you were gay with Sasori and I-"
"WHAT!" Deidara screamed. He stuffed his hand into the pouches that held his clay before walking off angrily.
Elsewhere, a Sakura shadow clone was ranting to Hidan about what Deidara did to tick her off.
"Earlier, he called you a pansy and I-"
"WHAT!" Hidan took his scythe off of his back and marched off angrily.
Everyone in the Akatsuki was present with popcorn and their preference of candy.
"I AM NOT GAY WITH SASORI-DANNA, UN!"
"What?" Sasori was ignored.
"AND I'M NOT A PANSY, YOU LITTLE BITCH."
"I AM NOT A WOMAN, UN!"
16. Ask Zetsu if he has any weed killer and/or a weed hacker.
"Hey, Zetsu-san. Do you have any weed killer?" Sakura asked, stopping in front of the plant man. Zetsu reached into his cloak and handed Sakura a squirt bottle.
"Is that all you needed, Saku-chan?" He replied.
"...Um, yeah. Thanks."
17. Write 'Sasuke wuz here' on their faces when they're asleep.
Itachi woke up and immediately proceeded to go through his daily schedule.
He stretched, making sure all of his limbs worked and were there before he stood up and got out of bed.
He entered his bathroom and immediately grabbed his brush. When the brush was halfway to his hair, he noticed the writing on his face.
'Sasuke wuz here' his face read.
The brush clattered to the floor as he stood looking at his face in shock.
19. When Kisame's drunk, tell him that Itachi has more sake and 'accidentally' lock the door when he confronts Itachi in his room.
Flick! Sakura brushed her hand off and turned around to leave. She got halfway down the hall when the crash came.
Oh right. We're Shinobi...Sakura thought, deadpanning.
20. Walk up to Hidan in front of the entire Akatsuki with you toothbrush hanging out of your mouth and thank him for letting you use his toothbrush.
"Hey, Hidumb." Sakura said through a mouthful of spit. "Tanks for lettin me usesh your too'brush." She walked over to the kitchen sink and spit. "Since your cat ate mine and stuff..."
She walked out of the kitchen and everyone turned to look at the Jashinist.
"I didn't lend that bitch my toothbrush! And since when do I have a fucking cat?" He exclaimed.
A/N: Review! And down't forget to check out PeinSaku's list!