God I felt nauseous. My head was spinning and I felt like I was going to throw up. As this thought crossed my mind I ran to the bathroom and promptly threw up my guts. This was not good
It had been a month since the party…no…don't think about that. I forced my thoughts away from that night and everything that had happened. How he had hurt me.
Wait…back track here…it's been a month?
Oh shit.
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It's been three months. School is starting and I am pregnant. I haven't been able to tell my family. I can't do that to them. They would break! I still had time to get an abortion but I didn't have the money for that or the will. If my mother found out I had been raped, knocked up and then killed my own child what would she do then? There was nothing I could do.
I had convinced my mom to let me get the clothes I "liked", baggy clothes that would hide me for months. I was scared about what people would think. The rumors had to be flying by now. Everybody would be saying what a whore I was and how I had tried to steal my best friend's boyfriend.
Would they be able to tell I was pregnant? I couldn't get the question out of my head. I fell asleep the night before the first day of school worrying about my senior year.
Id had over three months to get ready to see Sophie. But when it happened I still wasn't ready, especially since I was carrying her boyfriend's child.
I was in the parking lot before first bell, trying to muster up what it would take to get out and officially let the year begin. As people walked by on their way to the courtyard, I kept working on the maybes: Maybe she was over it. Maybe something else had distracted her to replace our drama. Maybe it wasn't so bad. Yeah right I didn't even believe me.
When I finally decided to go in I turned of the car and turned to the window to see her. We stared at each other for a minute before she opened her to mouth to deliver the verdict I had spent my summer waiting for.
"Bitch." she said clearly, the glass of the car window having no effect on my ears.
I spent the rest of the morning thinking about the way Sophie and I met and before I knew it was time for lunch
While I was at my locker I locked eyes with Emily, briefly, before moving on. I had thought that, maybe, she would still be my friend. It looked like my self-afflicted solitude over the summer had worked better then I had hoped. I now apparently, had no friends.