Title: Picture Perfect Memories
Author: snarkysweetness
Characters/Pairings: Remus, mentions to Alice/Remus, Alice/Frank, Sirius, Peter, James/Lily
Rating: R
Warnings: Alcoholism, angst.
When: Post-First War
Summary: Everyone expects the deaths of his friends and Sirius' imprisonment to be the defining moment of Remus' existence, but really, the only thing that ever mattered was Alice. Now that she was gone and not dead all Remus can do is drink to remember and to forget.
Disclaimer: Jo artists whose songs I've borrowed from own their own songs. I'm just a fangirl.
Author's Note: This was written for week #17 of fandom_fridays with the prompt 'I was off to drink you away' from 'Picture' by Sheryl Crow and Kid Rock but I've also thrown in some 'Need You Now' by Lady Antebellum (I'm not an angsty-country whore at all!). I'm also trying a new style or 'voice' if you will. I'm interested to see how it goes.

"Pesky and annoying, am I?"

Remus smiled, pushing a lock of her loose hair behind her ear. "Always."

He hadn't always been this way. Pathetic. Lonely. Drunk.

Okay, he'd always enjoyed a drink now and then, but before it had been a way of having fun, now it was the only way that he could cope.

Remus had never had a shot at anything, really. Sure, he was smart, cunning, brave, and good-looking, but none of those things mattered when you were a 'monster'. His lycanthropy had defined his existence for as long as he could remember. He'd only been a child when he'd been turned. Yet because of it, he was branded nothing more than an animal. Without Dumbledore's kindness, he wouldn't have even been allowed his education.

Still, despite his lot in life, Remus had been happy. Blessed, even. He had friends, real friends. Friends who didn't care what he was and who were always there for him.

With them, the pain didn't matter so much, because he had them.

Had being the defining word.

Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor

Beautiful Lily. Always a smile on her face, with her quick wit, and kindness that no one else could match.

James. His brother. Stubborn, jovial, and loyal.

Sirius, little more than a whore with a terrible family, but he was the best man Remus had ever known.

Peter. Loyal to a fault. A pain in the arse, but he too had always been there.

Frank. Always happy. Never a mean word for anyone, even Severus Snape. Fierce. Protective. The competition.

And there was her. The sun in his sky. The Delilah to his Sampson. Air. Fire. Spunk. Intelligence. Everything any man could ever want wrapped into one package.

Alice.

A sad smile crossed his lips. Spread around him were pictures, all that he had left of anyone that he'd ever loved, from a time in their lives when they'd all been happy and together.

Weddings, births, weekends in Hogsmeade, dinners. So much love. So much happiness.

And all painful.

There was no more together.

There was alone solitude.

James, Lily, Peter, all dead.

Sirius, a traitor, imprisoned for his crimes.

Frank and Alice, as good as dead. No memories, no consciousness, just an existence of being trapped in a void.

It would be mercy to just kill them. At least then they would be free.

Remus was the only one left. The only one with the gift of life, but without the ones he loved, he was nothing.

He didn't even have the children anymore. Who knew where Harry had been stashed away and Neville? Augusta Longbottom would die before she let a werewolf near her grandson.

Remus was truly alone.

Trapped.

Drunk.

And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

Alice.

Everything always came back to her. Her loss had been the worst.

She'd once been his future. The only girl for him.

And she'd once looked at him in such a way that made him feel as if he was on air.

The small moments he'd spent with her for those few months were the best of his life. She was truly remarkable, a force to be cherished.

But in true Remus fashion, he'd ruined things.

An early moon. He hadn't made it to the shack in time.

Alice had stayed behind on the Quidditch Pitch to get in a few more laps.

A werewolf on the loose before the creation of Wolfsbane and a beautiful young girl out past dark was a bad combination.

The details were still fuzzy, even to this day.

All he knew was that Sirius had saved his cousin's life with the help of James and Peter. His secret had been exposed then, but it didn't matter to Remus, or Sirius.

They'd only not spoken once, in their entire lives. Sirius hadn't been able to forgive Remus, for weeks. Alice was everything to Sirius. The only family he had left and Remus had nearly killed her.

She healed, eventually. She'd even forgiven Remus. After all, it hadn't been his fault, simply the animal's. The two were separate beings.

But Remus could not forgive himself.

There was only so much pushing away a woman could take and Alice Prewett didn't wait for anyone. It wasn't long before she and Frank Longbottom finally found one another. For years, everyone had seen it but the two of them, but their lifelong friendship blinded them both, as had Remus' interference.

By the time they were out of school, the two were eloping, Alice and Remus' brief romance forgotten.

But it was all Remus could think about.

What would his life have been like if he'd simply accepted her forgiveness? Would Neville be his? Would they be happy?

And most importantly, would Alice still be with him?

He'd visited, once. The experience had been the most heartbreaking of his life. She was just there. No mirth, no laughter, no emotion, no soul. There was nothing behind those eyes that had once held nothing but warmth. Remus hadn't even bothered to look at Frank.

Seeing the woman he still loved in such a state was bad enough, but seeing his old friend, whose wife he still coveted would be even worse.

He'd vowed to never go back again.

Another shot of whiskey can't stop looking at the door
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before

Remus finished the bottle, his head swimming with memories. He missed them all, but he'd sacrifice them all if Alice would wake up, miraculously better.

He wouldn't even mind if they weren't together. Just the idea that she could be the one given the gift of living would be enough. He'd trade places with her in a heartbeat.

That little boy deserved his mother. She deserved her son. Alice Longbottom deserved so many things in life, but the fate she'd been dealt was not one of them.

Remus searched, in vain, for more drink. No matter how hard he tried, he could never erase them all from him mind, but damn if he didn't try.

He was stuck, going nowhere, with nothing but love and memories for people who would never return to him. He even loved Sirius, despite what he'd done. Sometimes, Remus thought he would forgive him, if only he could have him back. If only someone else could share this burden.

I'm the one of us to survive.

Why him, he would never know. He was the least deserving.

Life was just cruel in that way.

Remus stepped outside, seeking the pub. The few coins he had left from his last job would get him through the rest of the night.

I'm off to drink you all away.

A breeze caught his coat and a small shiver went up his spine, memories re-emerging.

"Pesky and annoying, am I?"

Remus smiled, pushing a lock of her loose hair behind her ear. "Always."

She smiled in return. "I don't know, Frank seems to enjoy it."

"Frank Longbottom is a better man that I will ever be."

Sadness crossed her features. "Perhaps he is." She turned to leave him, but stopped, glancing back. "But you'll always have me, Remus. I'll always love you, even if it's not the same way I love him. And someday, when this is all over, we're all going to be happy, even you. If you'll just let yourself."

"Sure. When you're all off with your broods of children?"

"Happily ever after, Remus. We all deserve it."

"I love you too." He shook his head, she was too perky.

"Always?"

"Always."