We Are
Part I
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Inuyasha.
~oOo~
A cold wind fluttered over those sitting in quiet contemplation on the hilltop, even as all eyes were glued to the two figures down the hill. Kikyou was finally dying again, but at least she'd been granted the boon of passing on once more while being held in the arms of her first and only love.
Everyone there could feel the pain and sadness of the two sitting there, Kikyou held tightly in Inuyasha's arms, and though they all watched, all of them had the decency to close their ears to whatever was being said between the two, for such a thing was of the most private and personal.
But there was one person there on that cold hilltop that knew everything that was being said, and every action between the two...
Kagome.
As Kikyou had weakened, her false body coming inevitably closer to shutting down, a strange sense of duality had taken over both of them, had Inuyasha or any of the others known it. Kagome could fully feel Kikyou in those minutes, and Kikyou could likewise feel Kagome, though neither one said a word to anyone else. This was an even more intimate sharing than what was between the older miko and hanyou – this was the sharing of a soul and life memories between one life and the next. Something that no one else could participate in or even understand.
Even as a single tear made its way down Kikyou's cheek and Inuyasha kissed her goodbye, a tear traced the curve of Kagome's cheek – the same tear on two different faces. In Kagome's eyes, had anyone been looking, they would have seen Kikyou's gaze looking back out at them, and had Inuyasha not had his eyes closed, he would have seen Kagome in Kikyou's fading eyes.
Kagome could feel every bit of the emotions of Kikyou in those endless seeming moments – and she responded just as though they were her own feelings, tears drenching her eyes... the tears that Kikyou could no longer cry as her body burst into streamers of light that were escorted into eternity. Pain, sadness, grief - all burst within Kagome's soul as the memories of her final death as Kikyou washed over her, and she could once again actually feel it as her body became colder and then vanished suddenly into effervescent light and welcome warmth. In that moment, there was no Kikyou, and there was no Kagome – there was only one soul, remembering both its lives and trying to understand things that a simple human girl had never been meant to understand but now did – the eternal nature of the soul and all its incarnations were there in Kagome in that instant, as even countless echoes of their other past lives were reawakened in the living form of the miko that still breathed.
It was an instant of profound epiphany for Kagome, and as eternity opened over her in all its cold, endless glory, she became in that moment the perfect representation of that soul, the ultimate form that it had been seeking through all of its lives – not Kikyou, not Kagome, not even any of its other representations – but one single entity, perfected and molded into a single being with memories of all its lives. In Kagome, all of that soul's potential became realized in the instant that Kikyou's false body disintegrated.
Eyes falling closed as she lowered her head, Kagome nodded to herself. "I understand," she whispered, almost overwhelmed by the culminating emotions of every life she had ever lived pouring out over her. She felt Kikyou's pain and feelings of betrayal and wounded pride, she felt the calm acceptance of death of their previous incarnation, a miko who had lived a long and relatively happy life even once she left her life of service and married, though there was also sadness there, too. She felt the intense grief of their soul's first incarnation – a young hime caught up in court politics and forced to wed a man she hated while watching her true love die all for her father's scheming for power. And in that moment she gasped – because she recognized the feel of the young woman's lover's soul...
It was in that single instant that everything inside Kagome coalesced and settled in, calming the maelstrom of emotion and memories, because it was in that one second that she really understood everything. Eternity, different incarnations... none of it mattered. She and Inuyasha, no matter the lifetime, were bound one to the other and would never be truly separated. For from the very first life their soul had endured, his had been with them. Through all his own different lives, some as human, some as youkai and even hanyou, he who was now Inuyasha had walked alongside their soul, and the young woman who was Kagome, but also Kikyou and all the others at the same time finally felt true peace.
It didn't matter, really, what her name was right now, because she was now a perfect blending of all her memories and lives, and Inuyasha's intense grief as he stood and watched the remains of one life ascend into time to await her next birth as Kagome no longer made her envious, because in reality, he was grieving for a life in which their souls had been tricked and denied the happiness that they should have had.
He loves us, all of us, in each life, Kikyou's voice whispered in her mind, and was echoed by the voices of all the other lives that he'd loved her in. He loves us in your life, too. But there is still yet some grief to endure before we may know true peace together, for there is still our duty to finish.
"Hai," Kagome whispered again, a mere breath of sound. There could be no happiness, no true completion until Naraku and the Shikon no Tama were finished. Those two things were standing in the way of their ultimate happiness, and must be dealt with before their two souls, two souls that had sought oneness through one lifetime after another, could finally achieve just that.
Comfort him, Kikyou said again in her mind, for he has grieved enough for several lifetimes already. Before her voice in Kagome's mind even faded, Kagome was moving down the hill towards the red-clad hanyou.
"Inuyasha?" she said softly, coming to a halt behind him, not touching him physically but instead reaching out with her soul – the soul that felt like Kikyou and Kagome and all the other women she had been. She just knew somehow that sense of Kikyou in her airy caress would help soothe his pain, even though he probably didn't notice it on a conscious level, too caught up in the older miko's body's disintegration to fully notice or realize the implications.
"I wanted to protect her forever," he said, hearing her voice but still caught up in the intense grief of Kikyou's final moments.
You are, she thought, both Kikyou and Kagome's thought one and the same in that moment. You are still protecting us. You have always protected us, and you always will. And we will always love you, no matter the life or the name we are called. Be at peace, Inuyasha. Grieve, and let the past go, so that we may have the future we have been chasing through all of our lives.
The lithe teen looked at Inuyasha and almost wanted to smile despite her own still echoing sadness for that life of hers that had been cut so short, because that realization was just so true. He had protected them – through many different lives, just as he had been and would continue to do in this life as Kagome. It was with that knowledge that she was able to step back and let him grieve and work his way through his pain without envy or personal upset, because she was also still trying to deal with her emotions as Kikyou, as well.
And so she went and took a seat of her own as the wheel of heaven turned slowly above them all, and opened herself fully to all her memories and emotions as Kikyou, so that she could settle them all and begin to heal the pain her soul had endured in that life. She could respect his grief because she was grieving herself for that life and all its lost potential.
Warmth enfolded her as she watched the past through eyes that were at once different and yet the same, and the woman once known as Kikyou became healed of the scars inflicted on her soul by the betrayal of Naraku as the purity of said soul washed the wounds of the past away. That sharing was extremely intense and allowed the soul to bind itself together into one entity again, but yet, while it was going on, there were still separate thoughts from each one at different points, showing the duality that existed in true oneness clearly had anyone been watching.
Kikyou, Kagome... by whatever name she was called, was once more healed and whole, one and yet more, and as Kikyou's memories and voice finally faded into welcome sleep, the being that was suddenly more than she'd really ever realized became focused on one thing... vengeance.
We are... your enemy.
As we always have been, Naraku, and all those you have been that have tormented us in every life we have lived. This time, it ends.
This time, we are strong enough to destroy you.
This time, we are...
Kagome.
~oOo~
A/N: This is something I've been working on for a while – something that really hit me while watching the episode of Kikyou's death again. I am not an adherent of the Buddhist faith, nor of reincarnation, so it is sometimes hard for me to imagine how Kagome would feel to be faced with ostensibly herself – who she once was. And for Kikyou to be faced with a younger version of herself, as well – the one who now carries the soul that was once hers.
At first this was going to be just a one shot, but after re-working it a couple of times, I decided to break it into two parts. Part I is, of course, mostly Kagome's thoughts, and part II is mostly Kikyou's thoughts – until we get to the point of merger, and then at the end we see Kagome again, when she is once more whole, and Kikyou is fading back into sleep within her.
I hope you all take it the way it is meant – as an exploration into how the two might have felt, and the realizations that would have come to them as their soul rejoined itself once more, carrying the memories of eternity with it. It was difficult to write, funnily enough becoming intensely personal to me, and I've fought with myself for a long time about posting it. But, after much thought, I've decided to go ahead and take the chance. I hope I'm not making a mistake, lol.
Amber
