It feels so… hollow.

Everything went slow motion when I saw him falling through the veil. It kept on like that afterwards, too. I think it's because of shock. It stopped, though. Now it's much worse.

He's gone, isn't he?

It feels as if the world has stopped, yet it all keeps moving. Now it's too fast for me. I don't think I can keep up.

There's such emptiness at the pit of my stomach, a lump in my throat, my eyes don't seem to be able to dry, every time I think of him, even the slightest, I cry.

I think of him a lot.

I can't believe he isn't here, and yet, he really isn't. I wake up, tearful after dreaming of him, and he isn't there.

I take a shower facing the wall opposite the door, expecting him to snick in, like he always did when I wasn't looking (I never could figure out how he never came in when I was facing the door.).

I go down to the kitchen and watch the empty square where the microwave once stood(I set it aflame the first day after I came down from our room after a night of crying), It was better when it was there, now it just reminds me of that void Sirius left unfilled. The marble motive seems so ironic. I try to eat, but it only serves as a reminder of all the meals he used to make me.

Every time I see the house elf, I can almost hear Sirius' shouts of reprimand.

I try to attend the order meetings, but it seems impossible to listen without him in the sit next to mine, distracting me.

Not a single day passes without *her* yelling. There are times when I yell back at her.

I go to sleep and the bed feels too big. I want to hug him while falling asleep. I want to be hugged by him. I want him to embrace me, to hold me; gently, roughly, wildly. But he doesn't. He can't.

He isn't here.

I despise all those pairs of eyes boring into me, showing sympathy and petty.

With all the hatred I feel for peter, I can't help but want to go and sob beside him, the last half of the marauders, Mooney and Wormtail.

It's over, everything.

He's gone.