A/N: Written by prompt, "I refuse to go numb."


Pale fingers gripped the mug of tea, steam rising in front of unseeing eyes as John Watson tried to escape his own thoughts.

Black trench coat plummeting from the building, arms out wide like he was embracing the end.

No. Stop. He tried to think about something else, anything else. But it was too late.

The angel hit the pavement. A fallen angel, a dead detective

The memories stopped there and gave way to a greyish fog that clouded his senses.

Even the memories were better than the fog and he tried to fight it off

I refuse...

He gripped the mug tighter as the tannin in the tea faded from brown to grey.

I REFUSE...

Color, think of colour.

Blue angel eyes

Black hair

Yellow spray painted face

Falling

The spray paint face of the wall faded from yellow to black.

Blue eyes, fading to grey

"I REFUSE TO GO NUMB." The words were familiar in his mouth

"I REFUSE TO GO WITHOUT HIM."

Dull thud as Sherlock hit the ground.

As the doctor pushed the hypodermic needle into his neck John collapsed against the white of his bedsheets.

For consciousness was a luxury reserved for the sane.

And John's sanity had died with Sherlock.