Good luck people. I have no excuses for this except my bad mood wrote it. If you have read my other stories, you know I like happiness, and, well, that isn't in this...yet. Give it time, it'll get there.
Thanks to bookdiva, who let me drag her down with me on this.
He knocked on her door, shifting from one foot to the other as he waited for her to open it. Bates had just called him, and he was set to go undercover in a few hours. It should have been sooner, but this wasn't something Deeks was going to budge on. He knew he had to talk to Kensi before he left, because whatever was going on between them, it was much different – stronger – than ever before, and he knew this was now or never. He owed it to her at the very least to tell her about this assignment face to face.
As she opened the door, she smiled a little.
"Hey Deeks." Opening the door wider to let him in, she watched as he nervously put his hand to the back of his neck before coming inside. Instantly, she knew something was wrong.
"What is it? What's going on?" She folded her arms around middle, getting a sick feeling in her stomach.
"Bates just called. I'm going under tonight." He wouldn't make eye contact, looking at anything but her. She knew by the lack of eye contact that there was more.
"Okay. Deeks, who are you going under as?" She watched as he took several breaths before answering her.
"Max." Kensi felt her knees buckle and was thankful for the chair behind her.
The last time he went under as Max Gentry had been for NCIS to help Ray. He hadn't told her much about him, but what she heard over comms was enough to know that Max was not a nice guy. The transformation she heard, even if it was for a short while, was eye opening to say the least. She witnessed how he had slipped into the more aggressive role with ease and she was shocked how fast her usually laid back partner had turned hard, angry and violent. What was going to happen when he had to go undercover as Max for more than a few hours?
"Deeks –"She wanted to say something, anything, but she didn't know where to start.
"Bates is thinking it should be about a month or so. I uh, I just wanted to tell you in person. I owe you that at least." He gave a sad chuckle before finally looking at her.
"When do you have to go in?" She stood up, walking to him.
"I've got about three hours before I have to be there." He wasn't going to tell her about the ass chewing he had received when he refused to show up right away. Deeks had tried for the next morning, but that was shot down before the words left his mouth.
Kensi grabbed his hand, his face showing the shock he was feeling. His heart started beating faster, as she brought her body closer to him, her eyes never leaving his. As fast as his heart was beating, he was pretty sure it stopped when she pressed her lips to his. He heard a growl come out as he went to deepen the kiss, wrapping his arms around her. They stayed that way until air became a necessity. He reluctantly removed his lips and put his forehead to hers.
"So uh, wow, that just happened." His words made Kensi laugh before kissing him again. His hands roamed over her back, lifting her shirt a little to feel her skin, making her shiver. She pulled back from him, grabbing his hands again and walked backwards to her bedroom, eyes never leaving his. He had a cocky grin on his face and she loved it.
"So darlin', you have an idea of how to spend those few hours?" He pulled her to him, closing her bedroom door and kissed her until they both forgot their names.
Kensi woke with a start, her heart pounding. It was the same dream she had every night since he had come back from the assignment. Except it wasn't Deeks that had come back, at least not completely, it was Max. Her hand drifted to the cold sheets next to her. There was someone who should be laying there next to her, holding her while they slept. But she was worried that someone wasn't coming back.
Physically, he was there. Mentally, he was someone else. He had been gone for six weeks and back with her – well, not her, but the team – for two. And it seemed every day since he had come back from being the infamous Max Gentry, he lost himself a little more. Every morning, when she would walk into the bull pen and say her good mornings, she would make eye contact with her partner, but after the first week, she realized it wasn't her partner she was saying good morning to. The usual sparkle in his eye was slipping further away, the hard glint getting more prominent.
In the field, nothing changed. Deeks was still the only person she trusted to have her back, and while the banter between them was still there, it wasn't the same. Deeks was more crude now, his laugh a little different. He would still tease her, but there was almost something mean about it now. But as soon as it was time to work, the old Deeks seemed to find his way back, his mind in the game and it gave her a glimmer of hope.
A tear slipped from her eyes as she closed them, determined to push through the pain. She rolled over, her back facing the empty place in the bed as she willed her mind to sleep, knowing she would have the same dream again tonight and she both welcomed and dreaded it.
The next morning, Kensi woke up with red eyes and a headache. It was nothing new, this ragged look she was sporting. But the nausea that hit her - that was new. She ran to the bathroom before unloading her stomach's contents into the toilet. She laid on the bathroom floor for a while, trying to get her stomach to stop rolling.
Great, a stomach bug. Exactly what I need right now.
When she finally thought the sick feeling had passed, she got up and showered, hoping it was a one-time deal. She dressed quickly and left, hoping to get some coffee and doughnuts on the way. What she wasn't expecting was the smell of the coffee to make her sick, too. She barely managed to get the car door opened before being sick once again.
She made it to work with no other issues and sat down, not even bothering with pleasantries this morning. Deeks narrowed his eyes at her, noticing the circles under her eyes and her pale complexion.
"Busy night Kens?" He raised an eye brow at her, eyes hard at what he was insinuating.
"Shut up Deeks." She didn't even look at him, placing her hand on her stomach as it started to roll again.
"Kens, you don't look good." Sam's voice was filled with concern.
"I'm fine." And with those words, she shot up from her desk and ran for the bathroom. All three men stared at her, knowing she was anything but fine.
Kensi was genuinely surprised she still had anything left in her stomach. When she finished, she leaned her head back against the bathroom stall and waited, wanting to make sure she was done before she got up. She had almost made it back to her desk before realization hit her. Her period. It hadn't shown up since before Deeks had left for the assignment.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
She started hyperventilating, alerting the guys that something was very wrong. Sam was the first one up, followed quickly by Callen and Deeks. Sam took her arm, leading her to the couch and instructing her to put her head between her knees.
Everyone was standing around her as she managed to calm down a little.
"Kensi, I'm going to drive you home, okay? You're not looking good right now, and we don't need you passing out on us." She just nodded her head at Callen's comment, not trusting herself to speak.
Deeks grabbed her arm, helping her up. As soon as she was standing, she met his eyes. If they didn't have the stony look to them, she would have confessed then and there her fears. But the man looking at her wasn't Deeks. At least not completely. And until her Deeks was more in control, she couldn't let him know what was going on.
She got to Callen's car, and right before she closed the door, she heard Max talking.
"She should really lay off the liquor. Especially if it's going to make her sick. She's hot, but pale isn't a good color on her." She slammed the door closed, another tear escaping. She looked in the mirror, seeing Sam turn to Deeks and start yelling, his finger in his chest.
Callen climbed in the driver side, hearing Deeks's comment and watching Sam's reaction. If he didn't need to take Kensi home, he would have been in on it too. What he said, it was inexcusable. They all saw the change in him after coming back from his undercover, but had decided to give him some time to come back to his old self. Callen now wished they had done more. Kensi needed her partner, not his shell.
"Callen, stop by the store for me, please? I need to pick up something." He just nodded his head and pulled into the next store he saw.
"Want me to go in and get something for you?" She started shaking her head.
"No, I've got it." She quickly got out and ran inside, straight to the pregnancy tests. Grabbing three tests, she went up to the front of the store and paid. If she had been thinking straight, she would have bought some other items to hide the original purchase, but she hadn't, and Callen saw through the flimsy plastic as soon as she walked out of the store.
When she opened the door to the car and sat down, Callen reached over, drawing her into a hug. That was all Kensi needed to start the flow of tears she had so desperately been trying to keep at bay. They stayed like that for several minutes, Callen allowing her time to get it out and then get herself together. As soon as she pulled away, he grabbed her hand, not letting go until he pulled into the parking space in front of her place.
Kensi was just staring ahead, so lost in thought and not realizing they had pulled up to her apartment. Callen walked around and helped her out, taking the keys from her and getting her inside. He handed her the bag of tests and motioned for the bathroom.
"Go Kens. I'll wait right here. I'm not going anywhere." She nodded at him and tried to smile, but ended up just frowning.
She walked into the bathroom and read the instructions. She diligently peed on the stick, careful not to make a mess (if that was possible). She put the test on the counter and walked back into the living room.
Callen raised his eyes to meet hers when she walked back in and sat down.
"Gotta wait three minutes." He nodded and watched as she fiddled with her hands.
When the three minutes were up, she got up and nodded at him, silently asking him to come with her. He stood up, and before they walked into the bathroom, he stopped her.
"No matter what that says Kens, I'm here for you. Sam is here for you. And I know Deeks is here for you, too." Hearing his name made the tears well up again but she pushed them back. She nodded, took a deep breath and walked to the counter.
Positive.
She crumbled to the floor, unable to stop the rush of tears now. Callen sat with her, holding her while she cried. They sat like that for a while until Callen realized she had cried herself to sleep. He gently picked her up and carried her to her room.
Closing the door quietly, he put word out to his partner that he was staying with Kensi today, since she was sick and he wanted to make sure she was okay. This was Kensi's news to tell, not his. She would do it when she was ready. And they would be there for her no matter what.
Now he just needed to figure out how to get the old Deeks back.
AN - Should I continue it? I'm not gonna lie, I'm a little nervous about it. I would love to hear your thoughts on it!
