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Early Mornings

It was always the loneliness that pulled Peck away from her sleep. Gail was no stranger to sleeping alone, but now, it felt like a cruel joke. She turned over and reached for the cell phone on her nightstand; 3:14…at least she had slept until 3 this morning. She ran her hand over her newly shortened hair and yawned from the exhaustion of the situation. It was an impossible feeling; the feeling of wanting someone who now doesn't want her back. Geez, she sighed, she had been right on the cusps of happiness, and she had somehow let her insecurities make her doubt the one person she truly wanted to be with completely.

Gail lay flat on her back and strolled down her contact list, stopping on the name Holly. Even the name was beautiful on the glowing screen and Gail couldn't help feeling a tug at the pit of her stomach as she tossed the phone back on the nightstand. What was the matter with her? It had been six day, long, empty days, since she had seen Holly. It began simply, with a severed thumb and a trip to the morgue to catch a print off of it, but it had ended in heartbreak for Gail. She had assumed, falsely but eagerly, that she could just blow off the past several weeks between the two. No, she hadn't answered Holly's calls or even tried to contact her in those weeks, but her feelings were hurt. She had known that Holly was a doctor, she didn't need Holly's bitchy friend to remind her. And then Holly had placated the bitch implicitly, as if Gail wasn't good enough to defend. "A beat cop…just having a good time," Gail mumbled to herself in an attempt to fortify her anger against Holly and the situation. She would have never let Dov, or Chris, or Andy, or Nick, or Chloe talk about Holly like that; Gail would have cut them off at the knees and enjoyed doing it, if they had spoken one ill word about her girl.

"Ugh, my girl," Gail moaned again and turned over on her side to face the window. Darkness still controlled outside, and loneliness still controlled Gail like a depraved puppet master. "I want her back," she whispered into her pillow humbly. She wiped her eye, feeling unchecked tears escape her crystal blue eyes.

"Why hadn't it worked?" Gail wondered out loud to herself, moving to lay flat on her back again. She had intentions of pretending that nothing was wrong…they could just glaze over this, Gail figured. They could pretend like that meet and greet with Holly's bitchy friends had never happened, and they could go back to the day when the only thing that separated them was a pile of cold, wet clothes. Gail would give anything to go back to that night. The night when she was worried about her friends, but at the same time, being cared for by Holly. She had been so tender and understanding and just present; Gail knew she couldn't help but fall for her. Holly's lips had been tender and patient under the ice cold water of the shower, washing away any doubts and fears about her friends and what would happen to them. She had even distracted Gail from the chop session she had done on her own hair. "Still kinda beautiful," Holly had whispered sweetly before kissing Gail and gently lifting her to her feet. And then the cold water came, and although Gail didn't know if she could tolerate the ice cold liquid on her back for long, the warm presence of Holly's lips made it worth the effort.

"What am I going to do for clothes?" Gail had smiled when she and Holly finally stopped kissing and turned the water off.

Holly raised an eyebrow and laughed. "You can borrow mine…if it's not too much plaid for you," she teased. She had brought Gail clothes and changed herself into something dry; a pair of plaid shorts and a white tee shirt, just to tease Gail. They had reconvened in Holly's bedroom; the same slow, smooth, tender kisses as before. When Gail deepened the kisses, pushing Holly back onto her bed, Holly pulled back.

"You don't want me?" Gail asked weakly. Her hand went directly to her newly shortened hair and her blue eyes clouded with doubt.

"Gail, of course I do," Holly had corrected her. "But not like this…not with your sadness, or you worrying about your friends. Trust me, I want you…"

"I do trust you…" Gail had confirmed.

"Jesus! Why does it hurt so bad!" Gail yelled in a hushed whisper. She couldn't lie here, thinking about Holly or the way she smelled, or the way she fits perfectly in her arms at night. Gail rolled over and picked up her phone again. 4:09 in the morning and there was really no chance she was going back to sleep. She sat up for a moment, cursing the way her body ached from lack of sleep, and how the thought of Holly had dire effects on ego and libido. Gail wonder for a moment if Holly thought about her in the wee hours of the morning. No…she was with someone else…in someone else bed…putting her lips on…someone else.

"Shit…" Gail wiped her eyes again and took a deep breath in. "I'm going to the precinct," she decided.


"I'm sorry I've kept you awake all night, Holly," Traci said pouting a little at the forensic pathologist. "I brought you coffee though," she offered a smile and a cup of coffee.

Holly smiled, and nodded. "It's no problem, Traci. I wasn't doing anything specifically exciting tonight…so…"

Traci didn't need to respond, the entire division knew that Gail and Holly weren't together anymore and neither of them was doing particularly well. Holly had the luxury of hiding it a bit better, but she still felt like hell about the breakup. Seeing Gail a few days back hadn't helped. She had apologized, Gail Peck, Officer Smart Ass had actually apologized to her. And even more, she had told Holly she wanted to be with her…not in those exact words, but this was the gist. It had taken all of Holly's composure not to fall back in Gail's arms; but she hadn't. There was no way Gail could understand how much it hurt the night she walked out of the Penny and left her alone. There she was, with her friends, trying to explain why Gail didn't trust her enough to hear her out. But it wasn't all of Gail's fault…not in the least. And that's what Holly had wanted to say…all of those calls and messages left, but Gail had dropped her like an inconvenience. She wouldn't respond, and after a while, Holly knew that they were over. That's why the thumb, Gail and Izzy at the morgue and Gail trying to glaze over the entire incident was such a shock for Holly.

"So what was this…a heart attack…?" Traci questioned looking at the young man on the slab.

Holly looked at Traci quizzically. "Huh? It's a drug overdose. He had a lot of drugs in his system; more than any boy his size could possibly handle. He died from an overdose."

Traci nodded, her mouth halfway open, digesting the words that Holly was saying to her. "This is a drug overdose?"

"Third one I've seen this week. Where did you find him?"

"Clarence Street, near the old bakery warehouses…oh hell…where the Brixton gang hangs out. Dammit, I need to call Steve."

"Gang related?" Holly questioned.

"It's beginning to look that way…" Traci murmured. "Thanks Holly," she said pulling out her cell phone and heading towards the exit.


"What are you doing up this early?" Steve Peck asked his sister. He had a cup of coffee in one hand and was rubbing his eyes aggressively with the other.

"Ugh, you look like hell," Gail said in her signature snarky tone. "Not talking to Traci is doing a number on you, isn't it?" she tried not to sound sympathetic, although she was a bit worried about Steve. He and Traci had fallen out over Dex, Traci's ex-husband, and although Gail saw both sides of the argument, it would have been wrong not to agree with Traci. She couldn't let the father of her son get carted off to jail and although Steve didn't realize that now, he would eventually. He was just being a pain in the ass holding out this long.

"I look like hell…you look like hell…" Steve countered, sitting on the edge of the desk.

"Listen Steven," Gail began abruptly. "Get away from my desk…I would like to do my paperwork in peace."

Steve reached over and ruffled the papers on Gail's desk before standing up. "It's not my fault you blew things up with Holly and now you can't sleep."

"How do you know it was my fault," Gaily countered throwing the top of a pen at her brother.

"Because even as a little girl, guilt kept you awake," Steve stuck his tongue out at his sister. "Why can't you just apologize and beg for forgiveness. Maybe Holly will take pity on you…"

"Listen jackass," Gail began standing and leaning off the side of her desk, "before you give advice, take it for yourself, because big brother you are getting old and you are running the risk of dying all alone because you can't swallow your pride and admit you are wrong…"

"Ditto for you, little sister," Steve turned around and almost bumped right into Traci.

"Hey I was looking for you," Traci said breathlessly.

"Oh were you?" Steve said his ego swelling a bit with Traci's breathless admission. "Well I mi…"

"I think I have a case for the Guns and Gangs unit," she began before Steve could even finish. "The guy that was found last night…Holly…" she said while moving towards her desk. Steven followed, but all Gail could hear was Holly's name.

"Even at work," she sighed, knowing it was futile to be upset at hearing Holly's name when it made her so happy still. Plus, they practically worked together, so she was inescapable. So inescapable that she was heading down the hallway towards Traci and Steve now. "I should have stayed at home in bed," Gail mumbled to herself.

"You're here early," Holly stopped beside Gail's desk.

"Why does everyone keep saying that?" Gail shook her head in exasperation. "I couldn't sleep…" she admitted softly after a moment. "And I might as well be productive if I'm going to be awake. Why are you awake this early?" For a slim second, Gail wanted Holly to say, "Because I was thinking about you…" but instead, Holly said …

"Traci needed my help on a case…" she held up the folders that were in her arms.

"She's over there…" Gail pointed to Traci and Steve, who were huddled at Traci's desk.

Holly looked over and nodded, too embarrass to tell Gail that as soon as she had seen her, she could no longer focus on the case at hand. "Yeah, thanks," she managed. She turned to walk away, but stopped, "Is this your regular day to work?"

Gail shook her head softly, "No…I was awake…"

Holly nodded her understanding and began walking again. It still hurt the same as far as Gail was concerned, because it was Holly walking away from her again.