Daze(a haze parody)

Disclaimer:I do not own Haze or Halo

Chapter 1:Boring monologues and future tellers

The scene opens with the sky coming into view and a solder who is starrng at it like a zombie on weed.

Carpenter:"My name is shane carpenter,not that the reader cares or anything but for the sake of the story,this is a war torn world,that's why I'm here to kick some ass so it isn't!That is why you will buy this game instead of "Blacksite Area 51" because the company of this game also made "Timesplitters" which also spawned 2 sequels which means that-"

SSLLAAPP!

Carpenter held his red cheek and stumbled into a snack table implanting his face into a stood up and took a piece of the twinkie off his face before eating it.

Carpenter:"Who the hell did that?"

Duvall:"It was me,I just couldn't listen to that boring monologue any longer"

Carpenter:"oh,sorry about that sir"

Duvall:"Sir? we're all equals here,except for Dutch over there."

Dutch(a character from Halo 3:ODST)gives Duvall the finger.

Duvall:"I'm Morgan Duvall,this punk is corporal Francis Peshy"

Peshy:"H-Hey m-man"

Duvall:"This is Watchstrap"

Watchstrap:"Hey hot stuff"

Duvall:"And this is uhhh..."

Teare:" Adrian Teare,sir"

Duvall:"Yeah,Eighty Tear."

Teare:"Sir your nectar levels are low,let me help you with it"

Teare pushes a button on Carpenters nectar helmet turns red and he throws his arms in the then charges at Dutch,picks him up and throws him at an inconvienently placed explosive barrel causing it to,well,explode,while everyone hides in hunches over while Teare pushes another button on his nectar pack and carpenter's helmet changes to yellow.

Teare:"Sorry sir,I must have pressed the fury button."

BAM!

Carpenter clotheslines Teare over the head,then spits on his unconsions a few minutes Carpenter complained...

Carpenter:"WHAT IS TAKING THIS ELEVATOR SO LONG!"

Suddenly the elevator they were on jolted to the top,knocking everyone off their everyone got up,a plane flew by overhead,followed by another,and another(which had advertisements for Pepsi one),than a fourth one flies by,but crashes into the jungle.

Carpenter:"My god,the South African err..American rebels shot down that jet!"

Duvall:"Actually I think the pilot crashed it himself,must be drunk."

Peshy:"The engine might have malfunctioned."

Watchstrap:"I love pepsi one."

Speaker:"Unit pink bumble bee report to dropship immediately."

Duvall:"Thats us!"

Peshy:"Let's grab our equipment!"

The gang walked over to a dark corner of the landcarrier(who thought up the Idea for that anyway?)and encountered that shady dealer from Resident Evil 4.

Merchant:"got somethin that might interest you mate(starts to open coat)"

Watchstrap:"Yeah! Time for some man on man action!"

The merchant opens his coat revealing several Blacksaw Assault Rifles(Watchstrap is dissappointed).Everyone grabs a gun,as they walk away,Watchstrap flirts with the merchant.

Watchstrap:"Sooooo,you ever go naked under that coat?"

BAM!

The merchant punches Watchstrap in the face before jumping off the ran into his new teammates,while Duvall was gelling his hair,and Peshy was "doing it" with the coin slot of a Pepsi machine.

Sherman:"Yo ,whassup,my crew is rolling with you today,got me,got Gilroy,got Wood."

Carpenter:".....Are you calling me a FAGG!!!!!"

Sherman:"No your supposed to ask"got wood?"."

Carpenter:"GET YOUR ASS ON THAT DROPSHIP PRIVATE!"

Sherman:"But I'm a corporal."

Carpenter:"NOW!"

Sherman:"fine."

Duvall and Watchstrap were already on the dropship,while Peshy had to drag the Pepsi machine with him on the dropship because his (thing we're not allowed to say on TV) was Teare tries to board,Duvall stops him.

Duvall:"Let me see your eyes,have you been taking your meds?"

Teare:"Yeah,I've been taking my nectar."

Duvall:"Well I meant Viagra,but it looks like you haven't taken your nectar either."

Carpenter:"I think he's alright dude."

Duvall:"No,he isn't alright,you're a..a..(points off-screen towards a sign with his lines on it )..lia..biiillii..tyy...the....if..a...man..mantel..sol..soldier..do..does..not..take..his meds..his..uhhh..sensors?..no senses!..are not as...sharp and his..uhh..mor-ale is not as high...there..four..I call you off this..droop-shit."

The director (who was being played by yours truly) slaps his palm on his breaks into tears(thats how he got his name) and runs dropship (finally) takes was messing with the computer screen and got it to play an episode of gets a boost of nectar.

Watchstrap:"Whoo yeah,I feel like I could fuck a million dudes!"

Duvall:"Anyway Carpy I.."

Carpenter:"I know,you're just trying to look out for the rest of us."

Duvall:"How'd you know?"

Carpenter"I possess the ability to briefly see into the future.I also saw Peshy getting his (thing we're not allowed to say on TV) chopped off."

Peshy:"N-Noooo!"

Suddenly the dropship started shaking although no one did anything.

Duvall:"Well,aren't going to tell him to drop from here?"refering to what Carpenter said in the game

Carpenter:"No,you'll just run over my words."

Duvall:"Oh,anyway take her-"

SMACK!

Carpenter smacked Duvall in the back of his head with the butt of his rifle,knocking him out.

Carpenter:"We're doing things my way now bitch!"

Carpenter walks into the cockpit and pulls the release lever,causing the crew compartment to detach,and land on a few unfortunate south except Carpenter was knocked off their feet.

Carpenter:"Alright,I'll take Sherman,Gilroy and..Wood to clear a way to the crash site,the rest of you go up into the mountains and clear it,which means you will be in no ways useful to us.

Peshy (who was still stuck to that stupid machine) and Watchstrap(who was carrying Duvall's unconsions body,by the legs,if you know what I mean) ran up a path to the mountain while Carpenter And his gang deal with the rebels

end

Please review,I tried to make it as funny as I forgive me for the script format,I just prefered it.I've seen other authors use so I hope Its OK,if not,I understand.I read the Guidelines at the last minute.